Steven Tyler is Offering Women a Seat None of Us Want Because: Ew.

Steven Tyler stopped being known as the cool ass rock star from Aerosmith because he’s morphed into everyone’s eclectic aunt who never leaves the house rocking too many accessories. You’re all “But Aunt Beulah. Do you really need 5 bangles, 4 necklaces, 3 neck scarves, 2 partridges in a pear tree strapped to your 1 belt buckle for a trip to the bodega?”

Yes. That’s Steven Tyler.

Last night, Stevie decided to invite us ladies to a party that none of us want to attend with this tweet:

Steven Tyler Seat Tweet

ALL THE NOS THAT EVER NO’ED IN NOCHESTER. NO. THANK. YOU. I’d rather stand. And run in place. Or run some errands. Or lay on the ground, on some grommets. Or lay prostrate at the altar as I beg Jesus to be a fence and hold my mule.

I feel dirty now. What can I do to get this feeling off? Steven offering women to come sit on his face with that leather face got the eczema I don’t have acting up. My skin started to itch. EW EW EWWWW! Liv, come get your daddy! Inappropriate.

Talmbout “as long as I got this face.” Sir, as long as your face looks like a well-worn sofa, we will not wanna do anything but aim to moisturize more so our skin situation can be better in our wiser years. That tweet just made every Love Pocket in a 50 mile radius dryer than California.

Some folks just don’t wanna age gracefully. Steven’s the type to show up a club full of 20-something talmbout “Lemme show you some moves, young whippa snappers.” Sir, is it not late? Is Ben Gay busy? Lawd.

Again.

NOPE gif

Feel free to comment with things you’d rather do than Steve Tyler’s face.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Michelle August 28, 2014, 4:08 pm

    I’d rather eat a little bit of raw Kale very single day for the rest of my life than sit on his face.

  • Mimi August 28, 2014, 4:12 pm

    I would say Jesus take the wheel….but that would be TOO kind. Instead I’ll just say, Lawd, just run me off of the cliff.

  • Suebob August 28, 2014, 4:15 pm

    He looks like Madame. I am serious. http://sfstandup.com/images/Madame1.jpg

    • Taj August 28, 2014, 5:57 pm

      But why? Why would you post this and startle my fragile sensibilities? I did the startle jump on the bus. Got these people thinking I’m crazy.

      • FunnieBunnie September 16, 2014, 12:50 am

        OMG, truth!! LOL.

    • loves2read September 3, 2014, 8:41 pm

      Really?——-#MadameGivesMeNightmares

  • Nai August 28, 2014, 4:16 pm

    I’d rather get dragged by the beyhive

    • Melia August 28, 2014, 8:50 pm

      Damn…that’s serious. Lol

    • patrisms August 28, 2014, 11:00 pm

      HOLLERING!!

  • riki August 28, 2014, 4:20 pm

    I’d rather lick the extra wide parts between flava flavs extra sparse corn rows. Wait…maybe that’s a bit too far.

    • BigSmooches August 28, 2014, 4:33 pm

      …and pick my teeth afterwards with a bit of his gold toof… LMAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO

  • Bump21 August 28, 2014, 4:23 pm

    No words cone to mind but PINEAPPLES!!!!!!

  • Tiffany August 28, 2014, 4:29 pm

    Here’s a few things I’d rather do:

    1. Have phone sex with Donald Sterling.
    2. Have a baby with Antoine Dodson.
    3. Let Floyd Mayweather read me a bedtime story.
    4. Watch the history of slavery produced by Tyler Perry.
    5. Have Stevie Wonder drive me to the store.
    6. Get a Brazilian wax.

    That’s just a short list.

    • ZaidahNicole August 28, 2014, 4:34 pm

      ^^^ Murk it MaryMagdelene

    • Omolara McCloud August 29, 2014, 10:20 am

      A Brazilian wax?? I wouldn’t go THAT far! LOL

    • Niki August 29, 2014, 3:50 pm

      “Have Stevie Wonder drive me to the store.”

      #Flatlined

    • i'm sleep tho... September 2, 2014, 3:11 am

      have floyd mayweather read you a bedtime story tho?! i hollered

    • Jeanine September 2, 2014, 3:41 pm

      this is why i can’t read luvvie at work – she’s hilar, but then you have people like ms. tiffany who will literally have you screaming at your desk. folx are giving me the side eye and trying to figure out why my eyes are pink and watering.

      tiffany – if i get fired for laughing at this, i will be showing up at your door!

      *tears*

  • BigSmooches August 28, 2014, 4:30 pm

    Long time lurker logged in to say that I would rather have a needle in my eye, pushed through to the back and neatly tied in 4 bows. I wouldn’t get near enough to ST (never mind his ol’ nasty mouth!!!) with a 10 foot pole EVEN to poke him in his leathery mug. ::shudder::

  • milaxx August 28, 2014, 4:46 pm

    A yet that face does not stop him from dating models half his age. He is further proof of how money makes people over look fug.

    • IfYouEverComeBack August 28, 2014, 7:54 pm

      I thought he was married?

  • pinkye11 August 28, 2014, 4:54 pm

    I would rather walk through a pack of wild pigs and rottweilers, butt nekkid, with a raw steak tied round my nether region, whisting Dixie than sit on his face—-EW EW EWWW!!

  • Andra Renè August 28, 2014, 4:57 pm

    I’d rather get a face tattoo from Stevie Wonder then go to Ferguson dressed like a Crip.

    • Margaret August 28, 2014, 8:44 pm

      THIS!

    • Scotian Queen August 30, 2014, 9:13 pm

      LMAO!

  • notconvincedgranny August 28, 2014, 4:57 pm

    I’d rather piss glass and fart fire.

  • Mrs. Moultrie August 28, 2014, 5:05 pm

    And here I was thinking Auntie Steven was gay. #binditbeulah #makeitstopmercifulfather

  • Shar August 28, 2014, 6:08 pm

    I’d rather walk in an all white neighborhood at dusk with a hoodie on and call the cops on myself! #jerryrigitjosephsstepson

  • Kitty August 28, 2014, 6:39 pm

    Sorry ya’ll…all I have to say is…”what that mouth do Mr.Tyler.” hahaha I can overlook his look but that mouth is LEGEND.

    • Anita August 28, 2014, 9:08 pm

      That mouth will surely leave your love pocket bumpy, and discharging unless you use a dam. That’s how legendary “that mouth” is.

      • LOLO August 31, 2014, 1:11 am

        Lord…

      • Kayla September 3, 2014, 9:38 am

        When I tell you I HOLLERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Shelly August 28, 2014, 6:55 pm

    I’d rather listen to Kanye talmabout his greatness and his entitlements and why we should all wanna sit on HIS face instead of ST. “Imma let you finish, Steven, but…”

  • Shelly August 28, 2014, 7:29 pm

    I’d rather go joy riding through Dade county after dark with George Zimmerman.

  • felicia August 28, 2014, 8:01 pm

    He looks like Linda Perry.

  • Candace August 29, 2014, 3:53 pm

    I’d rather sit on a truck stop toilet seat lol

  • Bre August 29, 2014, 6:04 pm

    Drier than California? LMAO- Was that “drought shade” tho! LMAO I can’t stand you! We ouchea tryin to stay moist Luvvie! \o/

  • Annette August 29, 2014, 11:37 pm

    You got me at “Is Ben Gay busy?”

  • Scotian Queen August 30, 2014, 9:11 pm

    I didn’t see this tweet and if it wasn’t for the LOVE of this blog I wouldn’t be seeing it now #TMI O____O
    I would rather sit on ANYTHING other than his face!! No, just no.
    I actually feel like I need to take a VERY hot shower….

  • whynot September 1, 2014, 9:17 pm

    hmmm…idk, I’ll think about….

  • Amanda Renae September 4, 2014, 12:54 am

    But well-worn sofas are so comfy, aren’t they?

  • murgle October 16, 2014, 10:56 am

    Here I am thinking, “How can he please anyone with dentures? Don’t those things come loose? I don’t want someone’s teeth to start wobbling and come after me…”

  • Nicole November 11, 2014, 11:10 am

    I need to go back to that Scandal recap and ask the Senator if he has some extra diapers, ’cause I damn near just peed on myself hollering at this. No “Love In An Elevator” for you, sir…..this is a thing I WANNA miss, thanks.

  • Sher November 11, 2014, 11:23 am

    I’d rather sit on a rotating dildo made from an Arizona cactus. No thanks Auntie Steve.

  • Miz Boop November 11, 2014, 11:35 am

    I’d rather fly pay to fly the dreaded SPIRIT AIRLINES.

  • Miz Boop November 11, 2014, 11:36 am

    “PAY TO FLY”

    …See how upset this post has me??

  • Freshie85 November 11, 2014, 11:39 am

    NO. NOPE. NOPEINGTON! I rather sit on a nyc subway rat before EVER sitting on his dude looks like a lady face! WTF?!?! Steven, please go be a grandfather & leave the riding the face to others.

  • corine November 11, 2014, 12:14 pm

    I rather go running through cactus with no clothes on……… Thanks but no thanks. …..lmao

  • Kath November 11, 2014, 12:24 pm

    Madame Tussaud asks that you not sit on the waxworks.

  • Diva November 11, 2014, 12:33 pm

    I’d rather grow a full bush, dye the nappy dugout hot pink, have it cornrowed and add beads w/ foil at the ends then accept that seating arrangement.

  • Tristan November 11, 2014, 2:29 pm

    Truth is Luvvie… I was tired when you said “But Aunt Beulah”. I don’t know about the Aunt Beulah’s you know. But the ones I know in the Caribbean? *side eye* Gypsy-Pirate-Voodoo looking Trinket beings with gold teeth and waffle house yellow eye shadow! So yea… I was tired when you said “But Aunt Beulah”.

  • Steph April 21, 2016, 8:42 pm

    I’d rather seal off all my orifices with a blow torch. No Thank You Aunty.

  • Bia November 17, 2016, 6:38 pm

    I’d sit on his face without even thinking about it, any day, any time. He could literally just call me and I’d go running.

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