Steven Tyler stopped being known as the cool ass rock star from Aerosmith because he’s morphed into everyone’s eclectic aunt who never leaves the house rocking too many accessories. You’re all “But Aunt Beulah. Do you really need 5 bangles, 4 necklaces, 3 neck scarves, 2 partridges in a pear tree strapped to your 1 belt buckle for a trip to the bodega?”
Yes. That’s Steven Tyler.
Last night, Stevie decided to invite us ladies to a party that none of us want to attend with this tweet:
ALL THE NOS THAT EVER NO’ED IN NOCHESTER. NO. THANK. YOU. I’d rather stand. And run in place. Or run some errands. Or lay on the ground, on some grommets. Or lay prostrate at the altar as I beg Jesus to be a fence and hold my mule.
I feel dirty now. What can I do to get this feeling off? Steven offering women to come sit on his face with that leather face got the eczema I don’t have acting up. My skin started to itch. EW EW EWWWW! Liv, come get your daddy! Inappropriate.
Talmbout “as long as I got this face.” Sir, as long as your face looks like a well-worn sofa, we will not wanna do anything but aim to moisturize more so our skin situation can be better in our wiser years. That tweet just made every Love Pocket in a 50 mile radius dryer than California.
Some folks just don’t wanna age gracefully. Steven’s the type to show up a club full of 20-something talmbout “Lemme show you some moves, young whippa snappers.” Sir, is it not late? Is Ben Gay busy? Lawd.
Feel free to comment with things you’d rather do than Steve Tyler’s face.