Last night, Aretha Franklin went on the David Letterman show to perform her cover of Adele’s Rolling in the Deep. When the recording dropped, many said she breathed new life into the song but that autotune was not what life was about. I couldn’t even finish it. But her singing live shoulda made it all better. Instead, folks are wondering who on Aretha’s team is trying to sabotage her wonder years.
First of all, which Instagram makeup artist did the most with this face paint on Mother Aretha? Yall are taking this “beat face” thing to different levels of terrible and I am upset at this. I see the contouring. I see where they tried to make her nose thinner. I see the banana powder game here and these brows. Seriously, yall play too damb murch.
Is subtlety busy? Heavy-handed ass artists. Relax on all these layers! But while they’re adding all this stuff on her face, they also forgot to match it to her body and that’s tragic. Then they got her in purple eyeshadow and pink blush. It is just a whole lot of look with that green dress.
Speaking of, let’s talk about this dress. Aretha knows she loves her some strapless dresses and spaghetti straps. One of you told her this is the look and she’s stuck with it for all these years. Her and Mariah Carey. And then it’s all big and fluffy. Where is Lil Bo Peep and is her sheep gathering alphet missing? Whose quincenera dress did they put on Ma ‘Retha? I haz questions.
“They went right down to Flower Street in Downtown LA and picked up a ole naaaaaaaaaasty plus sized, sea foam, pendant encrusted gown for this David Letterman show performance.” – @KelechiAKalu (I’m so done with him)
And then the neckline. I spent the entire time watching this holding my breath because I felt like her tig ol’ biddies might don’t make it through the performance. LAWD. I was over here nervous dinnamug because they might have tumbled out the dress and what is we gon do then? This sweetheart bodice ain’t the most flattering for Mother Re-Re but we can’t tell her no parts of that.
Lemme leave Retha’s look be. Let’s get into the video of the performance.
It pains me to say that Ms. Franklin should have just left this song alone or leave some riffs behind. She did a lot here and this isn’t a song that needs so much. Adele can rest easy knowing she’s done the song the most justice. But I’m not even pressed about that. Please rewatch this video and spend the entire time looking at the background, at Cissy Houston (Whitney’s mama).
CHILE WHEN I TELL YOU I HOLLERED (and continue t0) at Aunty Cissy, please believe me. She spends the entire performance looking like she’d rather be at bingo or folding Bobbi Kristina’s laundry than on the stage at David Letterman singing backup for Aretha Franklin. The moment the set began, she looked disinterested as hell. As the other background singers rock in unison, Cissy stands there looking like she can’t go along with nobody’s mild choreography.
Then when the singing begins, watch her mouth and realize that she’s just miming and doesn’t know the words. Did she miss rehearsal and forget to check Google for the lyrics to the song? Whappened? Why is she shooting shady side glances at folks and judging everyone in the audience, not giving one solitary damb that she’s right behind Re-Re and on camera?
She’s like “I’m just gon stand here and bless you with my presence.” I love old people. They’ve lived too long to care about feelings and appearances.
The other vocalists are giving energy and excitement but MIZZ Houston is giving ornery and over it. When they started clapping, MUVA didn’t even do it on beat. Cissy ain’t even BOTHERING To ACT like she MIGHT wanna be onstage. Who forced her to be there? Was she repaying a favor? Why is she so unable to deal? Whitney’s mama is Den Mother of Team No Dambs to Give and it is cracking me the hell up.
This is complete utter hilarity. Chile, I LIVE. Betwixt Aretha’s alphet and Cissy’s unimpressed face, I am LIVING. Whew. Good times.
Because Kelechi is truly the worst: