Lemme tell you something. Shonda and her team put their ENTIRE FOOT in this episode of Scandal. This was one of the best eps of the show yet, next to 752 and the Reads of Life episode from earlier this season. It was so good that it took me almost 2 hours to watch it because I kept on pausing it so I could get myself together. WHEWWWW!!! Let’s get to it, y’all.
Hunger Games – Liv is at home in some pretty ass silk pajamas when she gets a call from President Ghost the Thirsty. He was talmbout how he wished he could tuck her in, since there’s hope now. Apparently, he’s been calling her every night. She tells him that ain’t no hope unless Jake from State Farm is being treated right and being fed while locked up. “I want a full report on his condition and we can talk about what hope means.” Fitz doesn’t even know that Mellie heard the end of the convo. DAMB.
Farewell Winslow – Quinn goes to see Mr. Winslow and he’s sitting in his house on the stairs in the dark. She tells him that she knows Catelyn died because of something he did. She asks the man why he had a folder of Boss Lady Liv’s pictures in the file that his daughter snatched away from the crooked security man. He responds by pulling out a gun and shooting himself dead to the stairs! Well that didn’t go as planned.
McDonnell Wasted – An old Senator named McDonell was caught on tape white boy wasted and embarrassing himself in nothing but boxers and the vid goes public. Abby has to address the White House press on it because McDonnell resigned his position and there’s a rumored replacement. Abby deflects and when she gets off the podium, she asks Beene, who admits that they do. WHY DON’T THEY TELL RED ANYTHING? Disrespectful, bruh. Cyrus walks her into the Oval Office and introduces the candidate to her and she freezes and says she knows him. Charles “Chip” Putney used to be her ex-husband. AWWWW NAWL!
Huckleberry Twins – Huck is playing video games with his son, who is on the other end. The boy asks him if he wants to hang out that Thursday and Huck says “yes.” Aawww Javier thinks he’s playing a peer and to see Huck’s face… DAWWW!
Then the other Baby Huck (Quinn) summons him to tell him about Winslow blowing his brains out. In the other room, they see Liv pacing bagginfoaf because she’s too busy calling David (who is refusing her calls) and worrying about Jake. Huck tells Quinn not to tell her about the pictures yet. Right then, Liv gets a call and it’s Abby.
Shattered Abby – Olivia walks into Abby’s office and finds her friend sitting under her desk, in a heap of mess because seeing her abusive ex-husband made her sick.
She threw up in the bathroom and messed up her dress, so she had called Liv to bring her a new one. Her friend brought her two. Chip being the chosen one for the Virginia Senator seat petrified her too and Liv asked her “what do you want?” Abby says she knows this cannot be handled but Liv loves a challenge.
Straightening Susan – Olivia rolls into an office with Quinn and starts snatching down signs. She walks up to Susan Ross and the woman tells her that she’s interrupting her campaign rally. Liv says: “This isn’t a campaign rally for the next U.S. senator from Virginia. This is a campaign rally for a middle school…” OOP. She tells Susan that if she really wants to win, then she needs to trust her and she’s even giving her help free.99. The lady is stunned but she says “Yes.”
The first thing Liv does is tell Susan that she needs an image re-work because the way the public’s shallowness is setup, she ain’t gon cut it. Where is Jenny Jones with her “from Geek to chic” show when you need her?? Susan gets her brows and lip waxed, new hair and new clothes.
Minding Business – Abby is in her office when Leo strolls in to ask where they stand, since he knows there’s tension between her and chip. She tells him to mind his business when the news shows that there was a bombing at an embassy in West Angola.
In the War Room, President Ghost tells them to take action and Cyrus is looking all shifty-eyed, thinking about how he mentioned the country to his paid bae, Diamond (aka Michael) earlier. Diamond had told him “you can talk about anything with me.” THE DEVIL IS A FINE ASS HUNKY ASS SIX-PACK HAVING LIE. When Cy walks out the room, he calls his assistant Ethan and tells him to let him know if Lizzie Bear (Elizabeth North) has mentions anything about West Angola in the news in the past day. Oh now you’re suspicious. Too dickly too late, Cy. The mole is in your bedroom.
Paid First Lady – Mellie is bored as hell, buffing some China plates when Lizzie Bear walks up. The FLOTUS tells her… “When a woman is President, they’ll suddenly make First Lady an official paid position… The minute a man has to do it, it’ll become a REAL job.”
Come on and SAY DAT TRUTH, MELLIE MEL! Lizzie sits down and says she has some ideas on how Mellie can make some impact on foreign policy. Uh oh. Maleficent Mellie soon come.
Jail Mingle – Olivia calls David and he finally picks up. He’s been avoiding her calls because he knows what she wants is gonna be unreasonable. Y’all know Liv never things any request is too much. People who are that bold and fearless (and hella difficult) seem to stay winning. She wants access to SuperMax. Lemony tells her: “You wanna waltz in there wearing all your white stuff… This isn’t JailMingle dot com.” LMAO! You know Liv doesn’t listen and she walks into SuperMax and an inmate shuffles in. It’s Tom.
Helen of Troy – Tom sees Olivia and his mouth is agape. “I don’t get to look at you very often. I’m in the room but I’m never IN the room. You’re usually in the corner of my eyes. And you are beautiful. The face that launched a thousand ships.”
Liv says she wants to know who killed the President’s son but all Tom is interested in doing is asking her why she has so much power over his ex-boss. “I don’t understand why did you leave him? Was it an order from Command?” Liv says “My father doesn’t give me orders.” and he rebuts with “Oh you think you have a father. I’m so sorry but you don’t have a father. You have Command… You’ve been taking orders from Command since you were born.”
I can’t do this scene justice by just talmbout it. It is nothing but quotables from Tom. Lemme just quote it.
“He came to your apartment once after you left town. He insisted so we brought him in the middle of the night… He had to see it for yourself. See that you were really gone. The President went in… Eventually, I went in too because of the sound. He was making this noise. Not crying. I’ve never heard a noise like that before and he stopped right when I came in. My President. He needed you. He was in pain. He wanted to DIE. He tried, you know? Once. I could protect him from everyone. Except you. I could never protect him from you, Ms. Pope.
You know they all love you. My President. Jake. Command. They all love you and I can see it. I can see why. Helen of Troy. The face that launched a thousand ships. She didn’t have a father either. Her father was a god.”
WHEWWWWWWW!!! SuperMax should be called Boston now because that Tea Party was epic. And that was some MASTERFUL writing and acting.
Liv tells Tom that her father is just a man, not a god. Lady, your father is not mere mortal. That man is Satan’s mentor. She tells the former SSA that he is just a loose end and Command will get rid of him when he no longer needs him. So WHO ORDERED YOU TO KILL THE PRESIDENT’S SON? Tom smirks and says “Jake Ballard.” Liv leaves, knowing that is not the real answer.
Strategy for Susan – Liv and Quinn are overseeing Susan’s campaign commercial shoot and the lady can’t quit blinking like me in Chicago winter. Apparently, the makeup got her eyes feeling ever. And the script is making her sound like a robot. It is NOT working. Liv sees Susan’s adorable daughter, Casey, playing and gets the perfect idea.
The commercial is all Casey in some adorable bunny slippers walking around their house, talking about how awesome her mom is. “This is my mom’s doctorate degree. That means she’s smart. I want smart people running my country.” Me too, girl. But sometimes… >_> The girl charms the socks out of anyone and Cyrus watches with Chip and Leo (who knows Liv is behind it). He tells them that Susan is starting to gain ground so they better get it the hell together.
Gun-Toting – Abby is walking to her car in the garage when Chip walks up to her talmbout how he’s misses her but he’s married. He tries to grab her and she steps back. She walks to her car and he follows her. When she reaches in, she pulls out a small gun and points it in his face. “Chock it up to PTSD, Chip.” I AINT MAD AT ABBY! This dustbucket of a man thought he could intimidate and handle her any old way. NAWL. He walks away, looking like he just saw a ghost.
Abby shows up at the OPA office and tells Liv that she pulled out a gun on Chip and it felt good because she really wanted to kill him. She takes her gun from her. Olivia wants Abby to stand behind her Press Secretary podium and speak up about him and talk about how he beat her so she could destroy his career.
“I did that. We did that for clients for years. They came. We fixed. And we conquered. But what happened to those women? They became Anita Hill, Monica Lewinsky. They stood up and told their story but where are they now?”
Damb, yo. Just dambit. That is some truth! WHEW!!! Shonda be making some STRONG and NECESSARY statements through her shows, man.
I noticed that Olivia was rocking all black here. I’ve rarely seen her do that. It’s a black camisole too.
50 Shades of Fitz – Liv gets home and her phone rings. It’s Fitz, with a report on Prison Joint Jake. He is eating 2,700 calories a day, getting exercise, and sunshine. Homeboy is living the Upper Middle class life behind bars. Must be nice!
This woman is getting a full report on the well-being from her main bae (the POTUS) on her side bar (the man who he thinks killed his son). Again, I will be waiting on Olivia to run this Secrets webinar. I got my GOODT low APR credit card ready for the swiping. ANYTIME. ANY PLACE.
After Fitz gets that out the way, he wants to talk about “hope” because he’s hanging onto it like all of us try to hang on to flavor after 35 minutes of chewing gum. She interrupts him to say she went and saw Tom in SuperMax and he starts to get all mad. She asks him if he really tried to kill himself and he is first stunned into silence. Then he just flips the whole agenda and goes back to Hope. He wants her to come over and prove to him that hope is still alive and well.
“I have people who will sweep you in here and erase your presence in a matter of minutes. I’m very powerful, you know.” Don’t threaten me with a good time! I’d be all: “Fine, ugh. I’ll be there.” And then he tells her: “Let’s just say I’m in a giving mood tonight.”
*faints* hold my wig, Lawd. HOLD IT, I SAY! Listen. I know I often cannot stand Fitz. Like every other episode. But he can’t be talking like that and expect me to stay mad. And then he started describing everything he was gonna do, step-by-step like an IKEA manual for the Billy bookcase and I almost DIED. While he’s on the phone talking like that, I’da requested an UBER and been on my way to 1600 Penn Avenue. Shid.
“Cuz I wouldn’t stop until you were begging. I’d finally kiss you. On the mouth so you could taste yourself.”
I DON DIE. Lemme lay here. I’ma just… be here for a minute. Leave my wig beside me because 50 shades of Fitz is here to get you all hot and bothered! It started working becaue Liv unbuttoned her coat and started caressing her own chest. ABC IS SO NASSY! And I love it! #Skinemax #50ShadesofScandal #GameofBones.
And she asked him “and then what?” And he said “that depends on how much hope there is.” And then he hung up on her. Ugh, he’s so Ain’t Shit which prolly means he got the business. Because you know behind every terrible guy is some good peen. Ask Lauryn. Or anyone who’s dated a wayward island man. This is how people end up nekkid with UGGs on in the kitchen.
After he hung up, Liv was sitting on her bed looking like “ain’t that about a bitch? Should I go over there?” Yes, girl! You better get on Lyft or Halo and getchu a piece! I won’t judge her one bit. It took me 15 good minutes to get through that scene because I kept pausing and unpausing to holler and clutch my pearls. Whew. Chile… no behavior.
Stranger Undangerous – Huck shows up at an arcade and watches his son playing games. And tears well up in his eyes. If that wasn’t his daddy, I’d totally be calling Dateline. But dambit. I can’t take Vulnerable Huck. He makes me just wanna hug his neck. I still remember 752 like it was yesterday.
Good News – Ethan shows up and tells Cyrus that Lizzie Bear hasn’t said a thing about West Angola and Beene brightens up like a glow stick. He’s all relieved that his ho, Diamond, hasn’t snitched afterall. Yeah aight.
Jaws Wide Shut – Leo is all giddy when he shows up to Abby’s office to say that Susan Ross isn’t a widow, and she never married the father of her daughter, so Republicans will go in on her. He’s so excited because “Charles Putney is going to win. Olivia is gonna lose.” Oh word? Abby tells him “My jaw was wired shut every 6 weeks and I still have a pin in it… 2 of my front teeth are fake and my collarbone hurts whenever it’s going to rain. Charles did that to me.”
Sing yo song, Red. Speak about it. I’m so here for Abby this season. Even besides her luxurious hair.
Pope vs. Pope – Liv walks into her apartment (wearing this bad ass double-breasted coat) and finds her dad waiting for her. I promise you can buy a copy of Olivia’s apartment key on Canal Street. Everybody got it. He knows she went to see Tom and Jake and he’s mad that she keeps sticking her nose in this stuff. She tells him to go home like his name is Roger and he rocks Mystikal braids and baby hair. A booming “YOU DO NOT DISRESPECT ME, EVER!” is what follows that because she seems to have forgotten that she got a Black daddy. He had to remind her.
Papa Pope walks up to his daughter and lets her ass HAVE IT.
“I’m the one who protects the Republic. I’m the one who protects you. Everything I do serves that purpose. I have spent a lifetime making sure the path in front of you was clear of debris. I have spent a lifetime shining their shoes so you might always see your reflection at every turn… You think I am some relic, some misguided, vicious dinosaur from my museum who attacks without thinking. Let me assure you. I am NOT. When I strike, it is precise and it is for a reason. You do not interfere. You never ever choose one of them over me again. Is that clear?”
I had to pause the TV right here so I could pick some of my edges up from the floor. Papa Pope snatched mine by association. Sir, yes sir. I apologize. I felt sufficiently scolded. I just wanted to go apologize to my dad and I didn’t even do nothing.
And as the TV was paused, it was on Olivia’s smirk. That’s how you know she herself is a goon. Her dad just did all’at and she got this smirk on her face like Bonecrusha. She ain’t never scared. un-pause
Olivia and him stare each other down and she responds with “What’s clear is you seem to have wasted a lifetime doing all the wrong things.” pause
*Faints* OLIVIA CAROLYN POPE THE GOONTRESS! YOU TALMTO COMMAND LIKE THAT?!? Whew. YOU BETTER GO IN, LIVVIE! Chile… *un-pauses*
Rowan looks at his daughter blinking all hard like even he couldn’t believe she got all that mouth. He cups her face and tells her that she will lose against him. Pope vs. Pope had my blood pressure SKY HIGH like Chicago heating bills.
The Shank – Tom is sitting in his cell when an officer rolls in and says it’s inspection time. Tom approaches the bar, the officer says “I have a messenger from Command” and shanks him multiple times in the stomach. He falls to the floor and I holler. TOM BET NOT DIE! The Usher Board has already used our entire funeral budget burying people on Scandal since April. We might need to KickStarter the next funeral. We’re still tapped out from the very nice homegoing we gave Harrison. Bye Brolivia.
All Falls Down – Huck and Quinn finally tell Olivia about the contents of the folders: her pictures. And Jeremy Winslow did not give any useful info before he killed himself so WOMP to that.
Mellie is doing a TV interview, talmbout fine China and she drops West Angola in there. She mentions that her and Fitz talked to the President Buhari of West Angola and just throws a buncha juice into the pot and stirred it real good. Clearly, it’s info she got from Lizzie who got it from Michael the Gigolo. Who, by the way, is cuddling in bed with Cyrus, watching Mellie on TV. Ella’s deadbeat daddy (Cyrus) sits up when Mellie brings up the U.S.S. Roosevelt (the ship HE mentioned to Michael a couple of days before). Now he knows his paid bae is a leak.
Leo walks into the Press Room at the White House and finds Abby sitting there. He said he’s celebrating his loss because word leaked that Chip set up Senator McDonnell’s white boy wasted-ness. Abby looks at him and realizes that HE did it. She takes a swig of his brown liquor and the two share a kiss. Lemme find out that he just wanted a piece of Red.
Ride or Die – Mellie is on the Truman Balcony when Fitz joins her to go AWF about talmbout West Angola on TV and she tells him to be careful what he wished for. Because when he was letting her have it about being Smellie Mellie, he told her to get old Mellie back. Andddd she did.
“I’m back. That’s what you screamed at me about… Here I am. I’m back. Real Mellie. You remember how much you hate Real Mellie? I just wanted to point out that I’ve been holding up the walls of our house. I have been holding YOU up for 20 years. And I never complained. But when I fall down on the job for exactly two months, you rip me to shreds the first time it got difficult. I won’t soon forget that.”
We need to have a collection and offering for the women of #Scandal because what they do is PREACH. AMEN, Saints.
And just then, Fitz’s phone rings. He doesn’t answer it so she takes it from him and SURPRISE! It’s Olivia. That is just TURRBLE. She hands him the phone and walks away. ANNNDDDDD Fitz is back to being a terrible person. Until I rewind and watch that other scene again.
The Truth – Olivia walks in to see Tom, who is laid up in a hospital bed and he tells her that she’s right about Command. He did try to get rid of him. We see her in the Oval Office talking to Fitz about going to see Tom. She recorded Tom on her phone and is playing it back to the President to hear himself and he hears his ex-guard say that the order came from Rowan Pope, not Jake. Tom told Liv about how he killed Harrison too. He spilled ALL THE BEANS. The Republic is beans-deficient. Fitz asked why Tom confessed. Olivia says:
“He’s a B613 agent. I handled him like my father would have.” LIV SENT THE SHANKER!!! THIS is why Olivia has been wearing a lot of black this season. This is why she wore black gloves in the cast photo (that yall told me I read too much into). Olivia Pope is Breaking Bad! “I am the one who shanks.”
Baby Huck – Huck is at the OPA office when someone walks in. It’s Javier, Baby Huck! The boy says he was easy to find because he just traced his IP address. OMG he is his father’s son indeed! SO CUTE. “I wanna know why you left. I’ve seen pictures. You were my dad.” SHARRAP! I’m not crying. YOU’RE CRYING!
Hi Cubed – Jake is taken into a room and the door closes as he sees Olivia standing there. They both say “hi” and a 3rd “hi” comes from… President Ghost. The “Hi” threesome. And the episode ends.
That. was. just… YESSSSSS!!! This was so damb delicious from beginning til end!
Olivia’s white hat got thrown in a shredder and her goon is now FULL grown. You can’t be Rowan’s spawn and not have picked up a tingle of evil. It’s just not possible. And her mama is Maya, another super goon. I’m surprised it took Liv this long to get EXTRA dirty. Meanwhile, Fitz’s whole life is in shambles because he just learned what his precious Olivia is capable of.
Also, I LOVEDDD Tom’s “Helen of Troy” monologue. It might be because I’m such a huge fan of Greek Mythology. The other episode where they made such a reference to it was “Icarus” which was brilliant too. Shoutout to nerds!
Let’s talk about it, Gladiators. ROAR in the comments.
P.S. Shonda was reading my shenanigans on Twitter last night. She’s FOREVER BAE.
— shonda rhimes (@shondarhimes) November 10, 2014