You’ve probably seen the video by now but in case you haven’t, then you need to. A man went to the COGIC 107th Holy Convocation and announced that he was there to get delivered. From what? From #TheGeigh. Watch the vid. Get your life.
*DEAD* “I’m not GAY NO MORE. I AM DELIVERT. I DON’T LIKE MENS NO MORE. I SAID I LIKE WOMEN. WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN WHHWFWEFEKFFKRFKKF. I SAID WOMEN! I’M NOT GAY! I WOULD NOT DATE A MAN. I WOULD NOT CARRY A PURSE. I WOULD NOT PUT ON MAKEUP. I WILL. LOVE. A WOMEN.”
When I tell you I’ve been howling about this for 4 whole days. I have watched this video no less than 20 times and it hasn’t stopped being funny. Because I’m terrible. There’s just so much material here and so many things to point out. Where do I begin, LAWD?!?
First of all, why does he have on so many colors and textures? Between the gray jacquard blazer, the purple shirt, the yellow tie and the silk slacks, my eyes are twitching. That is TOO MUCH FASHION.
He will NOT carry a purse. He will NOT put on makeup. Sir, ain’t nobody telling you to do all that. Did somebody hand you a “How to be Gay” Manual that included “Wear makeup. Carry the finest purse you can find?” Because if they did, they’re probably from Westboro Baptist Church and they were sent by Satan. Some men choose to rock a face and a bag because that is how they want to express themselves but it isn’t in the Council of Gay Men Requirements. But I can double check with my LGBT family, just in case.
Fine, you won’t be Derek J. Most gay men do not dress like they dream of genie.
Then he’s talmbout about how he don’t “like mens no more.” Mens? Mens rea? Menstruation? For Colored Boys Who Put an S on Mens Cuz the Rainbow Was Being Delivered Out of Them. And he’s hollering about how he now likes WOMEN. As if every time he says the word, more gay leaves his body. That ain’t how this works at all.
And, let’s not forget that he is now ready to like “A WOMEN.” This WOMEN doesn’t believe you and thinks you need more people. Lawd, the day he is presented with “a women” in his bed, he might praise scoot out the room. This ain’t for you, sir. This ain’t you. I ain’t gon lie, doe. I’m totally into his praise scoot and bop. I’ma need that one day. Scoot twice and drop it half low. Here for it.
One of my girls said “I like the announcement of being Gay no mo, and then all the dudes in the church coming up to dance with him.” LMAO! It’s perfect.
I feel bad for homeboy for thinking that being gay is something he needs to get delivered from. That sucks. I am a Christian but I’m also of the belief that the person you love isn’t going to determine whether you spend eternity in hell. MY God ain’t that petty.
But I need to just have another HOWL at the cartoon someone made.
*HERE LIES LUVVIE. BURY HER A G.* Everything about this cartoon is right. From the old church ladies looking ornery to the red letter E in women. I love the internets.
And before people comment about why we shouldn’t be laughing, please know that this guy has made this video into a ringtone that he’s made available on iTunes.
WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN WOMNOJFORJGRKGTKKGK$GKG. This young man has a bright future as a choir director.
Update – my boy Scott Lyon (@wonderscott) had this to say: “Is he wearing 3 layered bow ties together? Because the only way that bowtie could be more gay haute is if it was made out of live Monarch butterflies flapping their wings while held together with eyelash glue. I love my people’s panache and sartorial willfulness.”
He won’t kill me today. NOT TODAY, Satan!