Famous folks

Janet Jackson is 48, Flourishing and Looking FOREVER FAHN

I saw a picture of Janet Jackson looking AMAZING and I just had to say something. Let your eyeballs get what they need with this image of Ms. Jackson (if you nasty) from a fashion show in Dubai from this weekend.

Janet Jackson

Yes. MA’AM.

I am INTO IT and her. YESSSSS!! Janet looking like old money, new money and unprinted money. Our girl went and got her a FAHN ASS Arab man, packed up her bags and said “I’ma gon find peace in the Middle East.” I ain’t mad at her AT ALL. Have you seen her boo (Wissam Al Mana)?? He is a tall drink of cold refreshing water. WHEW.

Out of all them Jacksons, Janet is the one who got away. She’s like “I’ma let yall have these shenanigans…” Werk, Mrs. Jackson-Al Mana. Life is looking great on you these days. I don’t even care that she’s still rocking the same slick back and phony pony since 1988. I don’t mind. The only thing she needs from the U.S. is her brown gel and she got the money to pay for them international shipping fees.

I bet she don’t miss nobody but her mama. You know Jermaine ain’t allowed to visit her because him and his hair paint might mess up her good furniture and melt unto her good Persian rugs and who got the tahm for THAT cleaning job? Surely not Janet. She got grapes to eat and none of them are for the wrath that’ll come with getting tar out of Egyptian silk. NOPE.

Folks wondering whether she’s going to make more music. FAH WUT?? Janet is sitting on half a billy ALL BY HERSELF. And her husband is a multi-billionaire. Make music? I wouldn’t even BREATHE on beat. I’d start a business called “Luxuriate for a Living.” And by “start a business” I mean I’d take naps. For weeks.

relaxing cat

Because what Janet is looking like is someone who ain’t got no worries. That skin is TOGETHER and those brows have been snatched to perfection. YOU LOOK GOODT, J! Damita Jo outchea looking WELL-RESTED and WELL-DIC… *internet disconnects*

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76 Comments

  1. November 4, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Losing MY breath at “I wouldn’t even BREATHE on beat.”

    Living that rich asthmatic life.

    • gemsmom
      November 4, 2014 at 8:39 am

      HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *send my babies some flowers in memory of their mommy, cause I don die!

    • November 4, 2014 at 9:07 am

      Oh my gawt, Luvvie so damn stupid, I started choking when she said that!

    • November 4, 2014 at 9:43 am

      I AM DEAD. JUST. DEAD.

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      OK?? Shooo…

  2. Senzi
    November 4, 2014 at 8:04 am

    Wooooh!! I cackled so hard at this someone’s throwing corn at me thinking I’m a chicken!! I love it all. Luvvie, I need you to never stop this foolery of yours. Its giving all of us the life we need.

    • James
      November 4, 2014 at 8:45 am

      Yes, yes YES! It gives us life and keeps us HOLLERING.

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      I’m just saying.

  3. TL
    November 4, 2014 at 8:07 am

    “You know Jermaine ain’t allowed to visit her because him and his hair paint might mess up her good furniture and melt unto her good Persian rugs and who got the tahm for THAT cleaning job? Surely not Janet.”

    I am *DEAD*

    Luvvie, why you gotta stay snatching Jermajesty’s daddy’s tar weave?

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:29 pm

      WHY’S JERMAJESTY’S DADDY REFUSING TO ROCK HAIR THAT AIN’T LIQUID?? That’s the real question.

      • Jessa
        November 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm

        Who can afford haircuts (#shirley not him) when you can spackle that ish from a 5 gallon drum that costs $2.45 from Home Depot?!

      • bettyboop
        November 4, 2014 at 9:09 pm

        You know Jermajesty Daddy got on a helmet/crown that not hair!

  4. Moni
    November 4, 2014 at 8:10 am

    “Janet looking like old money, new money and unprinted money.”

    “I don’t even care that she’s still rocking the same slick back and phony pony since 1988. I don’t mind. The only thing she needs from the U.S. is her brown gel and she got the money to pay for them international shipping fees.”

    • Denise
      November 4, 2014 at 11:24 am

      This one right heah unprinted money, that at alphet I want, that makes me look that good!

  5. Natasha
    November 4, 2014 at 8:12 am

    Damita Jo outchea looking WELL-RESTED and WELL-DIC… *internet disconnects* ROTFLMAO

  6. Moni
    November 4, 2014 at 8:12 am

    Girl, I laughed so hard I cut off the rest of my response! Luvvie you a fool!

  7. Zenzi
    November 4, 2014 at 8:15 am

    This entire article has me HOWLING!

  8. Bose
    November 4, 2014 at 8:17 am

    Luvvie u are a mess.

  9. Londa
    November 4, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Entire post gave me life!!!! “She has the money to pay the international fees” lol. Don’t do Mrs. J honey. #unbothered

  10. November 4, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Mr. Wissam Al Mana is relevant to my interests. Merowr! And Janet Jackson is 48? My skin didn’t look that good when I was 18. Sigh.

  11. November 4, 2014 at 8:29 am

    I HATE you for that part about Jermaine’s hair grease ruining her stuff.

  12. Takelia
    November 4, 2014 at 8:35 am

    Luvvie, smh, damn fool!

  13. SisiAtl
    November 4, 2014 at 8:49 am

    Luvvie, Luvvie, Luvvieeeeee … e melo ni mo pe e? How many times did I call you? You me a new keyboard honey!

  14. Baewin Lannister
    November 4, 2014 at 8:51 am

    LOOOL!! You have no sense whatsoever but it’s all good cause you make me smile :)!

  15. Felicia
    November 4, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Yaaaaassss, Luvvie, you ain’t neva lied! I would forget the word work was ever in my vocabulary! And I would surely make sure Joe couldn’t get his scammin @$$ on a plane and get no where near me! Luvvie I live for your posts, they are the only bright spot in my work day. I need this foolishness in my life, keep it up!

    P.S.- Totally unrelated, but, like, have you heard anymore about them ghost red velvet oreos????

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:29 pm

      Yes, girl! Them things are REAL. someone posted a pic of him eating one on Instagram.

  16. Johnetta
    November 4, 2014 at 9:39 am

    That weight she put on is really agreeing with her. She looks absolutely gorgeous!! Did anyone notice that she’s covered up ”except” her head. She is really taking to tradition over there.

    P.S. Luvvie, stay out of my head! LOL!!

  17. Alecia Hutton
    November 4, 2014 at 9:43 am

    LMAO!!!!!! Enough said.

  18. bolu
    November 4, 2014 at 11:35 am

    nice post …..This got me cracking
    “You know Jermaine ain’t allowed to visit her because him and his hair paint might mess up her good furniture and melt unto her good Persian rugs and who got the tahm for THAT cleaning job?”

    she is all covered up , i bet she is full Muslim now

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      She grew up Jehovah’s Witness so being covered up ain’t NEW, per se. Maybe she was just cold. Ain’t nothing wrong w/ her converting if she wanted to, doe.

  19. Msss E
    November 4, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    It’s November 4th….I vote for Luvvie…for everything!

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:31 pm

      LOL I’d be the WORST at whatever office that’s for.

  20. November 4, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    LAWD Ms. Jackson is getting her life, my life, your life, her brothers lives. She’s got it all! Skin just on every point on the graph. Eyebrows SNATCHED like my wallet. Jermaine can’t even come in the driveway. She ain’t got time to get them oil slicks out; that life is behind her. That Internet disconnection had me snort to the high heavens. So now coworkers looking at me like I’m crazy, but what they need to do is get their post its out and take notes on Janet, cuz I shoal nuff am!

  21. notconvincedgranny
    November 4, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Jermaine tried to visit but was dismayed to discover his oil ain’t the right kind of oil to rub elbows over thayre. Or rather, his oil only works on elbows.

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:31 pm

      His oil ain’t the good kind. He ain’t welcome!

  22. Kim
    November 4, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Luvvie! My daddy passed in September. I am very sad. When I tell you that YOUR BLOG IS ALL I GOT RIGHT NOW I am serious. I look to you for full on laughter and you do not disappoint. The spa kitty has me LMBO! Thank you!

    • RaeJ
      November 4, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Kim you have my sympathies. My daddy passed back in March and I can completely relate with coming to Luvvie’s page and finding a reason to smile. I know you have heard this, but time really does help. Allow yourself to heal in your own time. I wish you well. Take care.

      • November 4, 2014 at 6:33 pm

        Love to you too, Rae!

      • JennC
        November 4, 2014 at 11:22 pm

        Kim and RaeJ, my sympathies to you both as well. My dad passed in February and Luvvie and Jimmy Fallon (he had just started on the Tonight Show when this happened) helped. I need to laugh. On that note, I snort laughed through this whole thing. My coworker in the cube next to me may have thought I was choking. LOL!!!

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      *HUGS* to you, Kim!!! Sending you love. And take off your coat and stay awhile. Get all the giggles you need!

  23. Annette
    November 4, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    There is another picture with Janet and her makeup artist he posted on Instagram. She is dripping in diamonds. Life seems to be good, and I hope it stays that way. Just worried about him taking other wives cause he needs an heir.

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      WHEWWW!!! One of them diamonds could prolly buy my entire wardrobe.

  24. Special
    November 4, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Funny Article Luvvie,

    Did you see a couple of bloggers trying to say that Janet was unrecognizable, they were trying to start a Zellwegger but got shut down quickly.

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:33 pm

      THEY TRIED IT! But NAWL!

  25. Frenchie
    November 4, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    Gurrrl you a mess

  26. Absurdist
    November 4, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    Oh, you know she’s gotta miss Paris every now and again…

  27. November 4, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    That closing line was just about EVERYTHING though.

  28. Maxine Shaw, attorney-at-LOL
    November 4, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    You know how much money Wissam Al-Mana has? I read somewhere that (at the time) they were worth like…2.4 billion dollars. You see that .4? That’s Janet’s money.

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      LMAOOO! I don’t have time for your shenanigans. I just cackled.

    • TristanAXA
      November 4, 2014 at 7:44 pm

      Maxine… But, Maxine… what raucously riveting rabblement you causing here? I my tear duct just buss way. just one tho. I am here with one more tear duct for the rest of your foolishness.

  29. Maxine Shaw, attorney-at-LOL
    November 4, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    Oh, and have you seen Rebbie? Janet’s got a GOOD 20 years to keep slaying before she reaches “dignified beauty” like Katherine (who is still gorgeous for 122).

    • November 4, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      Not 122. Maxine, carry go! lol

  30. Mary Burrell
    November 4, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    Janet deserves all the happiness. She has done well for herself.

  31. GG
    November 4, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    when the internet disconnected so did I!!!!!

  32. November 4, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    You had me at the word “shenanigens” and no – she has not a minute to waste from her grape eating tahm on them nutz. But her mama tho ♡

    Ive always been here for Janet – she and all her ish is on point! Miss Jackson (if ya nasty) has not one f*ck to give and she wears it well!

    • troy
      September 20, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      yasssss….she’s the only real diva who can come and go in the industry and not give ZERO fucks and slays everytime she comes back.

  33. YemzzyAdsr.blogspot
    November 4, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    She sure lookz like she is having fun…..with Arab money at her beck and call….sky’s the limit. I like JJ 24/7….even with the pony….:-D

  34. Augel
    November 4, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Luvvie for president!!!! I wanna see the world like you do.

  35. Yotta
    November 4, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    Sooo I’m the only one who sees sad in her eyes? Beautiful as ever (of course) but MJ’s sad eyes are what I see. I has concerns.

  36. Drea823
    November 4, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    LMAO!!! That “well dic- *internet disconnects” sealed my coffin! I couldn’t breathe for a good 30 seconds!

    Luvvie you are too funny and don’t you ever stop!

  37. tanya
    November 4, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    While I do love JJ…I just don’t love that nose. Did it get smaller? Or did her cheeks get bigger? I can’t figure it out, but either way, it just throws off her whole face. Meh.

    • huh?
      November 5, 2014 at 4:07 am

      Smh, she hasn’t done anything to her nose since the 80’s! That’s just contouring with makeup and her cheeks just got bigger.

    • notconvincedgranny
      November 5, 2014 at 6:33 pm

      Tight ponytail = instant face lift!

  38. Chris o rock
    November 5, 2014 at 3:22 am

    Oh girl you just don it again….
    I am laughing so much, my baby giving me the evil eye.

  39. November 5, 2014 at 9:32 am

    I #died six times over reading this!!! But it is all true, lol! She ain’t got no worries…for real!

  40. November 5, 2014 at 9:33 am

    I missed this yesterday but, Luvvie you gives me life I promise. Ms. Jackson (if you nasty) looking like all them unprinted bills and worth even more. You young lady make this old lady smile every time I read your work. Ms. Jackson-Al whatever has arrived a survivor of all foolish Jacksonness uncle Jermaine need not buy a ticket to her new home with all the oilyness to melt on her Persian rugs.

  41. Claire
    November 5, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Diamonds and the United Arab Emirates are a girl’s best friend!

  42. nsp
    November 5, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    not to me. she looks fake. fat women who get plastic surgey can get the double chin fixed but everything else looks bloated. just my 2 cents.

  43. November 5, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Well, well… I read and read, yet I hold my peace. I’m white, not American (I don’t even live in an Eng-speaking country!) and not even a speaker of English as a mother tongue. Yet there’s BUTs, or should I say #ihasbuts
    You’ve been writing about Jergreasesty and now the lady formerly known as Miss Jackson!
    She does look a bit bloated, tbh, though real fine for her age and past (AND lineage!). I personally find it problematic when (insert religion here) girls marry Muslims -too many cases down here in South America of husbands taking children away et al. But then again she’s rich and famous, and that may protect her. Let’s just hope they are deeply in love and respect each other.
    Anyway, I sort of gave up on most things Jackson when GOAT passed away. Too sad, too soon, too much to bear.
    I’d love to know what your readership may have to say on my issues, though.
    Just to add I have endeavoured to learn #ebonics101 to follow you and your crazy commenters. Love this blog!
    Big pinko-gray hug and keep it up. Hearty laughter when badly needed 🙂

  44. Prettydarkskinnedgirl
    November 6, 2014 at 5:06 am

    Am I the only one seeing Lil Kim in that pic? Just me? Really? Ok then.

    • November 6, 2014 at 7:43 am

      Lil Kim?! Only 3 ethnic transformations and half a dozen scalpels ago (not saying JJ has not had her feh sheh of surgery, huh…)

  45. Jess J
    November 6, 2014 at 9:09 am

    I just want you to know that every word you speak confirms the need for us to meet. Not like a “Hey girl!” we take a pic, you sign a quick graph and then we depart…I mean a “Hey girl! I’ve already ordered the first bottle of wine and we ’bout to talk straight up laugh the night away.” That kind of meet and greet.

    You light up my day!

    Much success to you!

  46. Sango87
    November 6, 2014 at 9:52 am

    She is an evergreen plant rooted in fierce and divaness! Werk!!!

  47. SIPort
    November 6, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    This one just cracked me up.

    Make music? I wouldn’t even BREATHE on beat. I’d start a business called “Luxuriate for a Living.” And by “start a business” I mean I’d take naps. For weeks.

    you tell the truth.

    the whole truth in that one.

  48. October 30, 2015 at 2:39 am

    She never gets old. I love her a lot. One of the best actresses during my generation.

  49. Troy
    September 20, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    I loves me some Janet….but from that picture, Janet looks like she had a baby. I mean she was gone for seven years. She`s very secretive and I know they were trying at one point, because they have pics of she and Wissam on that yacht and Janet was holding two bottles of pills. Could those pills have been fertility pills. Possibly. My bells go off that she got pregnant…the child was born….she nurtured the baby for three years…decided to come back and tour, and found that touring was too grueling for her to be away and she cancelled the tour, saying she and her husband where starting their family. Now this is all speculation, because she does look like she had a child in that pic…and I know that she and Wissam had gone to Syria and visited the child orphanage so if she had her own child at 45-47, she may have adopted which is what took her off tour as well. And if in any case none of my speculation is true – she is pregnant with her own child by the grace of God. Whatever the case, I loves me some Janet always a big supporter of hers…and wishing her, Wissam, and the new baby, nothing but happiness, good health and many, many blessings