Take all my edges then, Scandal. I don’t need them. I’ll just wear visors more often. Let’s talk about this episode.
The Petty Triangle – The three non-amigos are in the bunker trying to figure out what their next move needs to be now that Fitz knows Jake is innocent. Second Fiddle is pissed that his old friend didn’t believe him before and when Fitz calls him Jake, he tells him he better call him Captain Ballard since they don’t go together no more as friends. He expects that he can leave but the other 2 tell him that it makes sense for him to stay in there because if he is freed, Rowan will know they’re on to him. But Jake’s petty is ALL the way turnt up. When he’s talking to Liv and Fitz interrupts, he yells “Excuse me! I’m talking to my girlfriend. Oh and standing in the sun is one of our catchphrases. Not sure if you knew that.” So butthurt.
Phone Probe – Elizabeth North (aka Lizzie Bear) goes to Olivia because she’s noticed her phone scrolling itself so she feels like she’s been hacked. Liv asks her who her enemies are and Liz says that as the head of the RNC so EVERYONE. Well, that helps. People do NOT like Slickback North and Liv is amongst them. “I don’t like you. You cut corners. You’re mean to assistants. You never share credit and you lie. But I admire what you’ve accomplished.” Well DAMB. Say how you REALLY feel. But, that doesn’t stop her from accepting her as a client.
Almost Doesn’t Count – VP Andrew Nichols is headed towards his car after an event but he stops to shake hands with the cooks and cleaning staff. As he’s doing this, his car blows up. Aw snap! He was so close to being #VernaDead. Whew.
The President enters the Situation Room and wants to know who was responsible for trying to kill the VP. 3 of his agents were injured and the Nichols just got some cuts. They don’t know who was responsible but they think it was some West Angolan party. Cyrus is standing in the corner looking hella shifty-eyed.
Father Knows Best – Olivia’s phone rings and it’s Papa Pope, wondering why she stood him up for their weekly dinner. Their last time talking was when he told her she will lose if she goes against him but he tells her that no matter if they fight, they are still and always will be family. She says Jake is family to her and then Rowan lets her have it a little bit.
“You may love these boys, Olivia, and they may even love you. But they are NOT your family. These boys may go to battle for you. They, perhaps, might even kill for you. But after the conquest, after they’ve enjoyed the spoils, they will move on to other battles, other conquests, other spoils. I will be here for you long after these BOYS reveal themselves to be who they really are. I will be here to pick up the pieces, to put you back together and remind YOU of who you really are.”
Rowan Pope must have a Ph.D. in Library Sciences because he STAYS reading. He is the permanent librarian and he can’t even help himself because everything he says sounds like a read.
Red Hot – Mellie runs into the VP’s office as his staff is patching him up and panickly asks if he’s ok and if he needs an MRI. He says he’s fine and she tells his staff to clear the room. As soon as the last person leaves, she walks up to Nichols and kisses him. They fall on the couch and she rips her red blouse open, revealing a red bra and they go AT IT.
COME ON WITH THE SIZZLE IN RED, MELLIE! Have yall noticed that it’s her power color? It’s what she wears when shit goes down.
Takedown Plans – Huck discovers that someone hacked Lizzie’s phone remotely. Quinn is sent to go sit and watch Dan Kubiak’s move. David Rosen is escorted into SuperMax as Special Ops dude go to his storage unit to collect the B613 files. When Lemony enters the bunker where Fitz, Liv and Jake are waiting on him, he is told that they want to take down Rowan. But it cannot be in a public trial since it’ll incriminate Liv AND Fitz. They want to do a secret military tribunal (which has been illegal since 1866) because they got more than enough evidence to take him down. This plan already sucks because everything David touches turns to dust. He has EARNED the name Lemony, with his unfortunate ass.
Hallway Hubba – Liv and Fitz walk out the room and as they walk down the hallway leaving the bunker, he stops her and asks for a kiss. This ain’t the place to mack! THIS AINT IT! Hope is busy right now. She hesitates and he knows it’s because of Jake.”Is it disloyal to want me?” NAWL, President Ghost. But FOR WHY RIGHT NOW? Olivia shoulda muffed him but they kissed and I blame her for his shenanigans. She stays playing tongue hockey w/ him in the most inopportune times. They could go skydiving and Fitz would grab Olivia mid air, stare into her eyes and say “kiss me.” WHY RIGHT HERE? Ugh.
Confessing Cyrus – Huck discovers that the person who bugged Lizzie’s phone is… CYRUS BEENE! Olivia meets with him and asks why he’s hacked her mobile so he confesses about Diamond Michael and how he was sent by Lizzie. He wanted to know what she knows and he’s now salty because his ho ain’t real like James was and Ella is (speaking off… where IS Ella?). Liv tells him that she’s her client but he says if Liz gets her hands on the wrong info, it could bring Fitz down too. “Clients are plenty, friends are few. Your friend is asking for help.”
Liv goes to the OPA office and Huck is in there playing games with Javi. As the boy leaves, he calls him “dad” and Olivia asks if his ex-wife knows he’s hanging with his son. Huck shuts down that line of questioning HARD and asks if she got BUSINESS to talk about. She tells him to find out the dirt Lizzie has on Cyrus and he points out that they’re betraying a client for someone who they don’t technically represent. MMHMM. It’s hella shady, Huck.
Cyrus comes to OPA and Liv tells him that Lizzie Bear got pictures and videos of his sexcapades with Diamond. He’s all downtrodden because he realizes how dumb and reckless he’s been. “I’ve compromised my integrity, my family, my President. For what?” For a gaggle of orgasms, Cy. Olivia calls North and tells her that her phone had a virus on it and they’ve cleaned it, and the lady says she’s relieved. Although I wonder if she REALLY believes it. She is not that dumb. Liv tells Cy to cancel the date he has with Michael and go home.
Salty Second Fiddle – Liv is in the bunker with Jake and says the files are on their way to the Pentagon. Jake from State Farm says she could let him rot in that jail like Miss Sofia almost did and she tells him to chill out. I just want him to tuck in his petty just a little bit. Also, they’re really gonna do a tribunal on Rowan. Did they take enough time to come up with a good enough plan? This feels rushed. You don’t just take the Grand Goon down on a plan you come up with in 24 hours.
Take That – Cyrus gets a knock at his door and it’s Diamond Michael, who is there because he’s worried that he canceled so he did what he could to get his home address. OOOOOH. He starts kissing on Cyrus, who is hesitant and says Ella is in the next room. Yes, cuz kids don’t meet the hos. Diamond says “it doesn’t FEEL like you want me to go.” HA! Beene tells Michael to turn around and bend over. He does as he’s told and when Cyrus gets a little rough and presses his head down on the bed, you can see Michael is uncomfortable. It felt pretty rapey on Cy’s part because what was happening felt like a revenge f*ck. Whew.
Information Underload – Huck realizes that Michael didn’t give Lizzie any information besides the West Angola thing and he really could have because he had access to all his files, basically. Liv rolls up on Diamond and asks him why he didn’t give Cy up like he could have. Quinn is sitting in a parking lot taking pics of Dan Kubiak being a glutton in his house. She’s bored shitless and calls Huck but that convo is interrupted when Liv calls him too. Lizzie is having an affair and has a secret apartment where she carries it out. She needs him to get proof. Huck goes into the apartment and hides cameras everywhere.
Career Day – Huck is in a truck across from Lizzie’s secret crib with his son, Javi. The boy asks if he likes being a private detective. Huck apologizes to his son for making him leave his office when Liv got there but “Take Your Son to Work” Day doesn’t work in his office. They give me the warm and fuzzies. Aawww.
Shiny Things – Olivia enters the bunker where Jake and Fitz are knee deep in arguing. Fitz wants to roll into the B613 fortress (aka Wonderland aka ACME) but Jake says that’s a suicide mission cuz the agents they will send have never been in there. His bright idea is that HE leads the charge in himself. Liv says “nah” cuz the moment Jake sets foot to freedom, Command will know. Both them dudes are dumb.
Liv’s idea is that they lure him to a location and arrest him there. President Ghost says it won’t work because: “Your father is not a small child. We can’t just dangle a shiny object and expect him to come running.” Ummm… the shiny object is standing right in front of you, buster. The 2 grown children start arguing again, ignoring Liv and as they do this, we jump to Liv calling her dad in tears. She tells him she is tired of being a thing for the men to win and she just wants to not be mad at him. He asks what she needs and she says dinner with him at 7:30pm. She gets off the phone, the tears stop and she makes a call saying “7:30. It’s a go.”
We get back to the bunker and as the men argue, she yells “SHUT UP! You said we can’t just wait for a shiny object. You’re wrong. I’m the shiny object and my father WILL come running.” BOOM!
Went Off and Woke Up – Mellie (in a red dress) has summoned Nichols. He wonders why she cares about him all of a sudden because in the last couple of months, he’s been invisible to her. “You left me behind and picked the Vice-Presidency over me. I was so angry that I needed you to not exist and I erased me. Then Jerry died and I erased me too… That bomb went off and I woke up. My body woke up.” OWWWW!!!
She asks for a second chance and he kisses her passionately. I ain’t mad at Mellie. Get some loving, girl. Your husband ain’t here for you so…
Getting Lizzie – Olivia calls Cyrus and tells him about Lizzie having an affair and how they’re spying on her to get proof. He says Michael told her AND his paid ho didn’t give him up to Lizzie Bear because he actually cares bout him. I TOLD Y’ALL this was gonna end up like Pretty Woman. But nay. Cyrus points out that “it’s always the ones closest to us, the ones who say they care. They’re the ones who do the most damage.” True story, bruh.
Stakeout Takeout – Huck and Javi are watching Lizzie’s secret lair when the boy asks his dad why he left them when he was a baby. As Huck is about to say something, the boy notices that a man is in the apartment with Lizzie. Spy Pops tells his son to get some ice cream because some grown folks sexy thangs might go down. He pushes his son out the truck and a couple of seconds later, someone knocks on the door of the truck. It’s Quinn, wondering why Huck is at HER stakeout (and with Javi). Turns out that it’s Dan Kubiak who was meeting with Lizzie. They put on headphones and hear them talmbout Winslow shooting himself.
Then, Lizzie’s doorbell rings and in walks VP Nichols. Aw snap! Nichols tells Kubiak to leave for 20 minutes so when the hired goon walks out, him and Lizzie start making out. AW SNAP! As Huck and Quinn watch, Kubiak punches through the truck window and grabs Huck by the neck. Quinn stabs him in the arm and Liv’s fave goon pushes Dan’s throat into the edge of the shattered glass, killing him. When he looks out the front of the truck, he sees Javi watching. The little boy runs away, having seen his father kill a man. WHEW.
The Last Supper – Olivia is at dinner with her father, and he says he’s glad she called him. He starts saying how he’s not been a perfect father. “I didn’t have a role model for how to be a dad and I stumbled with that. I got angry when I shouldn’t have. I tried. I want you to know I never put my job before you. I never put ANYTHING before you. All that I’ve done is because of you.” As he’s saying this, snipers are getting into place. Special Ops are surrounding the building. The President is joined by Jake in the Situation Room and they’re watching the feed. David is in the Pentagon with a bunch of people saying they will be dividing up the B613 files.
Liv asks her dad why he’s saying all that and he says “Because I want you to hear them. I want you to know I am who I am because of you. That’s what you WERE to me. Everything. And that is now over. I am leaving, because of you. And the men outside. The ones who are waiting for me? Are dead. Because of you.” A sniper takes out one of the special ops dudes from the back.
Fitz is in the Situation Room like WTF as they watch their men fall one by one. AW SHIT.
“You have foresaked me. Your father. Your family. You wanted to stand in the sun. In the bright white light. It blinded you. Those people that you’ve chosen over me? You do not see who they are, what they want, how they see you. THOSE people are not your people. They never were and you will never be one of them.”
In the Pentagon, the men start going through the files. ALL OF THEM ARE BLANK. David is standing there looking like someone just took his pacifier. He is stunned.
“A trial. An execution. You were going to let them do that to me. After all I’ve done to protect you from them… For the first time in your life, you are on your own. You think the world is so terrible with me in it. Wait til you see what it’s like without me.”
Rowan gets up and walks out calmly and gets into his black car that is waiting right outside the restaurant.
I TOLD THEM TO THINK THIS THROUGH! I TOLD THEM! THEY DON’T LISTEN TO ME! Command DOES NOT go down easy. Rowan Pope is the GRANDEST of all goons. You don’t spend 1 day on his takedown plan. SO INSULTING TO GOONDOM!
Of course Rowan knew what was gonna happen. Hw knows everything. He got eyes everywhere. ANDDD he’s prone to having Liv followed so there’s that too.
And as always, any plan with David Rosen falls through. Lemony Snicket’s series of unfortunate adventures. Olivia, you picked the wrong side. You know what side you DON’T pick? The one with the bickering horny men and Lemony snicket. You pick the side that NEVER loses. Your daddy. You pick him just because the other men you know are knuckleheads. JUST BECAUSE.
But peep Liv’s color scheme this season. I mentioned it last week too. She will STAY in black and white because she’s no longer a white hat. The black is seeping in more and more.
Anyway, Rowan IS the entire chess board. Everyone else is a pawn. He ain’t e’em the most powerful piece. HE is the game. What’s a goon to a goblin? Rowan Pope. That’s what. Also, that last read of Rowan’s was another one of those PREACH moments.
The winter finale is gonna lay me STRAIGHT OUT! I might just slide right out my chair and lay on the floor for a while.
P.S. Mellie is gonna get her heart broken AGAIN by Nichols because of this affair he’s having with Lizzie. She is gon flip OUT. Po’ thang.