When we left, Scandal had us getting the Usher Board ready to plan another fune because Russell was using Jake’s body as a pin cushion. Let’s just get right into it.
Surprise! – Quinn enters the gladiator office, getting coffee and whatnot. When she opens the conference room door and turns on the light, she’s sees Jake’s body on the conference table. SURPRISE! She takes out his phone when Huck shows up. Our girl thinks he’s dead and is freaking out. Jake isn’t cold yet and Huck pounds him in the right place and he jolts awake. I’m so glad we didn’t make any deposits on his fune arrangements. We were one more day from writing checks for his homegoing services.
Olivia gets there and David is also in the OPA office, trying to call 911. This is how you know he doesn’t know better. THIS IS NOT FOR A HOSPITAL, FOOL! not hospital work, fool. They somehow get his bleeding to slow down by holding his wounds close, and they take him to Charlie, who is waiting for them at some shady warehouse.
Jobfull Mellie – Mellie is on the campaign trail and is rocking a power red suit, picking up babies and giving PC answers.
One question she’s asked and rehearsed with Lizzie is whether she can handle being both First Lady of the United States and Senator of Virginia. Her campaign manager says it’s been tested and voter-approved. When Mellie is asked the question, she sticks to the script with: “It’s a privilege not a job. To call it hard work would be an insult to the hardworking people of Virginia.”
VP Sally Langston, who wakes up and drinks Haterade gets on her show and says that Mrs. Grant has insulted the position of First Lady by saying it’s not a job. She’s not gon let this go without being challenged.
Favor Payment – The doctor Charlie calls shows up after 1 hour, and he’s a Russian guy (Ilya) who recognizes Olivia as the fixer. Jake needs surgery ASAP and he wants a favor for payment for treating Jake’s wounds. “You help my friend, I’ll help yours.” His friend is Black Sable, one of the most notorious KGB assassins, and has been presumed dead. She needs help with a new mission and Liv has to say yes because Jake is dying.
Black Sable – Huck tells Liv that Black Sable is the most dangerous spy, as they show up to someone’s house and knock on the door. A Golden Girl opens up the door. Turns out that she is Black Sable, and her name is now Mary Peterson. She’s grandma to two kids who live with her, she is hospitable and gives them cookies.
Mary tells Liv how she grew up so poor in Russia that her little brother died from starvation.
She comes from nothing and how she was able to rise up was when she found out that she was kind of a skilled murderer. “I had the eye of a sniper and I would kill anything with my bare hands without asking questions. They said I’d have all the food I wanted, a warm bed to sleep in and shoes. I’d have shoes. All I had to do was learn English, go to America and murder people when I was ordered.”
But there was no more home for her. Her mother was killed, and she left KGB unofficially because she stopped getting missions, and she was happy about it. She got married, had kids and blended into America. She hasn’t had a mission or handler in 27 years, but the the morning before, she got a dead drop order on her window sill. She has no idea who did it, and ignoring a job can get you killed. Mary wants out. Forever.
Conflict of Interest – Mellie as a Senator sleeping with a President might be a conflict of interest and media is bringing it up. She wants to sit down with Sally and defend herself but Lizzie disagrees. Fitz wants to hear Abby’s and her advice is that they separate themselves from each other in some way so they look independent of one another. President Ghost brings up the question of whether it’s even legal for Mellie to run while married to him.
Abby calls David, who is at the warehouse with the Gladiators and Jake, and he has to lie and say he’s sick in bed. But he does tell her that it is legal for Mellie to run for Senate while being First Lady. There is no rule in the books that prevents it because no one figured out that married couples could even be in the position.
Abby: So Mellie Grant’s run for Senate is legal because of misogyny. In this instance, misogyny is our friend.
David: No, I’m saying something less controversial. I’m saying something that won’t get me stoned to death by my feminist sisters.
LMAO! I love this show for being so unmistakingly feminist and not letting us forget it. Anywho, Abby says she needs him to tell the press, which he does in interviews he conducts over the phone.
In the warehouse, the doctor is doing surgery on Jake and says he needs more blood. Olivia tells Quinn they need blood and she goes with Charlie to a blood bank, tie up doctors and get it. Because QUINN IS A BADASS!
Mary’s handler (the person who made the kill mission) is a butcher named Kostya Pasternak. Her order is to kill the deputy under the Secretary of Defense, who used to be a Russian spy.
Failing Successfully – Russell meets with Papa Pope, congratulating himself that Jake is dead. Chile, bye! Rowan corrects him and says Ballard is alive and he knows this because he hasn’t received an ANGRY AS HELL call from his daughter, Olivia. “She has gone underground, you failed and Jake Ballard is very much alive. Find him and cut the thread.” Russell ain’t bout this B613 A-team life, because if he was, he would have killed Jake. How many stabs did he do and he still failed? Seriously. He must be Remedia B613.
Russell calls Liv and says he wants to come to her house but she hangs up on him with a quick no. He was supposed to be using the call to track her down but he failed at that too.
It’s Not Handled – Liv goes to see Kostya and says she wants him to let her go. She asks how much he wants and the man basically laughs in her face as she says: “Some people have bark. Some people have bite. I have both.”
He reminds her that he is from the coldest place on Earth, so he cannot be bothered by her cute little threads. Sooo yeah. He ain’t buying it.
Olivia goes back to Mary and asks why she doesn’t just kill Kostya. Her husband and daughter died in a car accident a couple of years before. She thought about all the folks she killed over the years when that happened, and she prays for forgiveness for all the blood on her hands. She is not Black Sable anymore so she can’t kill that butcher. Dang.
Cyrus the Chosen – Abby says latest polls show that Americans do not like FLOTUS running for Senate, and she thinks they should send someone to Sally’s show to call out her misogyny. She wants it to be a man too, and since it can’t be Fitz, she looks at Cyrus. He looks up from his phone talmbout “You’ve got to be kidding.” HA!!!!
Now we all know Cyrus is not tryna defend Mellie to the country because he thinks her running is absolutely ridiculous. But he is given no choice as Fitz yells at him to come on and do it. Beene wonders why his boss is so hellbent on supporting Mellie. What’s the agenda? There is none. He wants to support his wife since he’s spent so much time in their marriage being a selfish dustbucket.
Shade Tennis – Cyrus goes on Sally’s show and this scene is EVERYTHING. Him and Sally Langston go toe-for-toe and even though he’s basically spewing shit he doesn’t even believe, he does it so well. Yes, she took an oath to support her husband, but her marriage vow does not preclude her from working.
Cyrus: “No one should be able to tell any woman that she cannot hold a job, Sally. It’s sexism of the purest and ugliest form.”
Sally: “But Mrs. Grant has a job. Being a Mother.”
Cyrus: “Being a mother is not a job. It is what someone is. It’s not a job. You can quit a job. You can resign, as YOU did when you decided to quit being Vice President. But you are a mother forever. Being a mother in incredibly difficult. Let’s not diminish it by calling it a job.”
Sally: “If you would have let me finish my sentence, Cyrus, you would have heard me say that Mrs. Grant is mother of our country, as as such, her true job is being First Lady.”
Cyrus: “Still. Not a job. People get paid for jobs. Don’t they, Sally?”
Sally: Being a First Lady comes with perks… a private chef. Now I’ve tasted that fried chicken myself and I can personally vouch for its value.”
Cyrus: “You’re saying women should get paid in fried chicken? Are you being paid fried chicken to host this show?”
THIS. EXCHANGE. WAS. EVERYTHINGGGGGGGG!!!!! Then Sally points out that Cy seems bitter because he knows he’d be a better Senate candidate than Mellie. “Your eyes are telling us that it should be YOU out there pandering to the people of Virginia.” She puts him on the spot and he does it well. “A First Lady should be able to do more than tend to the White House garden.” The interviews ends when Cy wonders if she would have stopped Daniel from working outside the house if she was President. It was an amazing volleying of shady minds!
Patient Russell – Russell goes to see Papa Pope and says he failed at finding Jake an’ em. In a smooth ass move, Rowan shoots him in the arm and says maybe Liv will pay him some attention then.
Liv shows up at the hospital and sees Russell lying there. She asks him what happened and he says he was walking to his apartment and 2 guys cornered him. Huck and Liv look at each other. She grabs Russell’s phone, steps on it and he stabs him in the neck so he falls asleep.
Cutting Threads – Liv and Huck go to the butcher Kostya and say they might have something he wants: B613. I’m sure they’ve taken out hella KGB agents, so she wants to give him something of value for Black Sable’s freedom. She hands him Rowan’s burner phone and tells him that this will give him access to the person who runs B613. “Kill Command, set her free.”
The doctor is done with surgery for Jake, telling him not to move too much as he walks out the room. Jake looks over and sees Russell on the next table. AW SHIT!
They’re alone in the room, and Jake’s hands are strapped down so Russell gets up, grabs a surgical tool and Ballard is trying his best to be loose. Right as Russell is about to stab him, Jake actually lets himself loose and the sudden movement makes his blood pressure go up so the machine starts making noise. Ilya rushes in just in time for Russell to play it off and for him to get Jake down. SO. DAMB. CLOSE.
Liv gathers her troop of misfit toys and tells them about giving Kostya her dad’s burner phone. Russell hears it, and I start fighting the air. Why the hell are they talking about this top flight mission around some dude she just boned? Why is he in their safe house? Why is whispering busy? Couldn’t they talk about this in the next room over? DAFUQ, man???
Team Grant – In the Oval Office, Cyrus did really well but 67% of people still think Mellie shouldn’t run. He says maybe now isn’t the time for her to run but Lizzie says the conflict of interest could be fixed if they leak that the First Marriage is over. Mellie is NOT having it. “Fitz and I are a team. We came in as a team. We’re going out as a team.”
Fitz calls Liv and she’s basically wondering why this bugaboo is calling her phone, and it’s because he wants advice on the Mellie thing. She’s all taken aback that he’s calling his mistress to ask about his wife’s issue. She tells him to worry about himself but he wants to “make up for the sins of my past.” Liv says instead of fighting the conflict of interest, use it to their advantage. Senator sleeping inches from President is HELLA access. Play that up. P.S. don’t call me, bruh.
Pope vs. Pope – Morning comes and Liv is sitting between her main side bae and her new bae, both injured. She thinks they’re both unconscious (Russell is awake), so she talks to Jake, apologizing for all the chaos and madness. She misses the island they were on, and Jake wakes up, sees Russell and starts freaking out.
Huck shows up and says he can’t find Kostya and Liv goes to Black Sable’s house. She walks in and finds Mary and her grandkids on her couch, dead from gunshot wounds to the head. Olivia gets to her car and something is ringing in her trunk. She opens it and finds a dead Kostya in there. She picks up the phone and her dad says “What have I always told you, Olivia? Against me, you will never win.”
HOLY SHITTTT. Papa Pope is FOREVER a man of his word.
Liv gets back to the warehouse and the doctor picks up his Dereon duffle and leaves because she did not stick her promise and his friend is dead so hers can too. Liv tells the Gladiators (and David) to say the whole mufugging operation to take B613 down is OFF. It’s so off that she ON button ran away. She tells David to cancel the Grand Jury and he protests at first but she wonders who will testify. Jake cannot. Huck can. Charlie is not. David says Quinn can but Charlie’s funny ass reminds them “She was in B613 for like 5 minutes. She barely qualifies for the health plan.”
Liv says they are done, because if they keep this going ALLADEM will be deader than dead. She’s gonna call her father and tell him to stand down because they didn’t know what they were messing with. Everyone STFU because they can’t even argue that. Quinn says they have to get Jake to a hospital, so she’s gonna handle that. Russell is listening to all of this go down.
Whipped President – Mellie is on the campaign trail and says that as Senator, she will come home and talk to her POTUS husband. Abby is watching it with Cyrus, and she recognizes her friend and former boss’ spin on all of this. She turns to a less-than enthused Beene, who reminds her that the President’s approval ratings are tanking. He makes the point that this will flush his legacy down the toilet because Mellie’s gonna win on a campaign that is based on her husband, the POTUS, being whipped. True, true.
Operation Gotcha – Russell calls Rowan with the update that the B613 takedown has been shut down. Papa tells him to move on to Operation Foxtail and keep him in the know with Liv’s whereabouts. They hang up, and Russell is in Liv’s bedroom as romantic music plays. She’s rocking a silk negligee and he’s laying on her bed. She straddles him and apologizes for the madness. Then she tells him to close his eyes. HEY NOW! Except no. Liv holds a gun to Russell’s forehead, saying she wants to know what Foxtail is. She figured out he’s B613 because how else would her father have known every single move, including the Russians?
“IT IS OLIVIA. AND THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING TO HURT.”
YESSSSS, BISH! Finally. First of all, I am hella mad at Liv because sometimes, she’s far too careless and far too trusting. In fact, SHE of all people should operate from the angle of “Trust no bitch.” Again, I still question why she would let Russell into her space so soon. But not only in her house but in that safe house. Even IF she felt like protecting him from Papa Pope, why does HE matter? He’s just her hoe and I might be bogus for this but even if he had died at her father’s hands, he’s just unimportant collateral damage. I’m glad she finally learned who he is but what kinda leader to the Gladiators is she when she’s so careless so often?
This is why I miss Harrison. He woulda read her ass for filth after this. I need Quinn to do it now, or something.
Ok so now what’s Operation Foxtail? I know it’s not just a mission where Russell snitches about what Liv has for breakfast. There’s something more there. Could it be a mission to dissolve the Gladiators? Like turn them against each other so they’re no longer a unit? THAT would rock Liv to the core.
I just want her to kill Russell. I WANT HER TO KILL HIM DEAD. But we shall find out in 2 weeks.
Gladiators, ROAR in the comments.