This episode of Game of Thrones kicks off with Arya Stark arriving at Braavos. Let’s talk about the episode.
Sansa and Lord Baelish
Brienne of Tarth the Trill and Podrick are somewhere eating when Podrick notices Lord Baelish and Sansa Stark sitting at a booth behind them. He tells the knight and she stands up and introduces herself to the two, and then she kneels by Sansa.
Brienne swears herself as Sword to the Stark girl, because of the oath she took with her mother before she died.
Littlefinger is McKayla Maroney not impressed, pointing out that everyone that Brienne has been sword for has died (Renley Baratheon and Lady Stark). To drive his point home, he asks her how Renley died and she replies honestly, saying he was killed by a shadow with the face of Stannis Baratheon. This sounds crazy as hell but it’s what happened. The Evil Dust Spawn of the Red Witch.
Sansa refuses Brienne’s help and her vow to her and the knight leaves, chin-checking some of Littlefinger’s boys on the way out. She exits the place, uses her sword to break some horses free and her and Rodrick bust out, chased by Baelish’s men. Being the real G that she is, Brienne kills a bunch of them and rescues Rodrick as he’s about to be slayed by knights too. Her decision is solid: they will quietly follow Sansa, because she is not safe with Littlefinger.
Cersei in King’s Landing
Cersei Lannister receives a shady gift from the folks in Dorn (where Oberyn is from. May he rest. I’m still salty about how he died). It is a red snake with a gold chain around it and that is a threat.
She’s pissed that her daughter has been bethrothed to one of them and is now in Dorn, under all types of danger so Jamie says he will go get their daughter, Myrcella. Cersei and Jamie are a case in “Incest is bad. Don’t do it.” First son died at his own wedding (BYE, JEFFREY). Daughter was sold off as wife. And the last one, Tommen, well. We’ll see. The day is young.
Jamie got one arm so he can’t roll to Dorn by himself. He goes and finds our favorite golddigging hired swordsman, Bronn. In exchange for him coming with, he’ll give him his daughter and a castle. We didn’t hear Bronn’s answer but you know damb well it’s a yes. He goes where the money takes him.
In Dorn, we see why it makes sense for Jamie to go get the Lannister girl. Oberyn’s wife (Ellaria) is pissed at his brother for not avenging his death. The man makes the point that he died in a match that he agreed to but she ain’t trying to hear it.
“Let me have her. Let me send her to Cersei one finger at a time.” Well damb. He retorts with “We do not mutilate little girls for vengeance.” And she storms off. She is one to watch out for.
With Jamie gone, Cersei calls a meeting of the Small Council and her uncle Kevin. She makes Lord Tyrell the Master of Coin and tells unc that he’s Master of War. Too bad Kevin ain’t here for it since he doesn’t recognize her authority. He wonders why King Tommen is and she says he’s busy. “I did not return to the capital to become your puppet. To watch you stack the Small Council with sycophants…You are the Queen Mother. Nothing more.” WELP.
Varys and Tyrion
Varys and Tyrion continue their On The Run Tour but the Little Lannister is not happy about it. He’s in their carriage drinking himself foolish and he is past the stage where an Intervention will work. Varys is focused on this mission of finding Daenerys but he tells his partner that although he’s very hard on himself, he would make a good ruler. I believe it. Tyrion as king would be sweet.
I think cabin fever is affecting Jamie’s bro, though, because he wants to go for a walk. He is reminded that Cersei has put a bounty on his head, which she wants off his body. Tyrion jokes that it’s not like she’s having every dwarf killed.
Except that’s exactly what she’s doing. Cersei has given people instructions to kill any dwarf they see, in the off chance that the murdered dwarf could be her brother. GAHTDAMB that is hardcore hate. We see how remorseless she is too as people bring her heads of dwarves they killed and her only disappointment is that none of them are Tyrion.
Jon Snow and the Night’s Watch
On the Wall, Gilly the Wildling with the baby, who is Sam is in love with, is being taught how to read by the Baratheon girl (Shireen) with the scaly half face. It also turns the people afflicted with it into animals behavior-wise. The condition is called “Greyscale” and Gilly says two of her sisters had it too, and their father dragged them to the woods. Shireen was somehow cured, though.
We assume he killed them. Just then, Mrs. Baratheon comes in, tells Sam and Gilly to leave, and tells her daughter to stay way from the Wilding girl. “You have no idea what people will do. All your books and you still don’t know.”
Meanwhile, Jon Snow is in Stannis Baratheon’s chamber, being lectured about how he showed Mance Rayder mercy by killing him with an arrow instead of letting him burn. Baratheon says to Jon: “If they don’t fear you, they don’t follow you.” The Bastard of Winterfell replies with “They will never follow you. You’re the man who burned their king alive.” Sometimes, he does know something.
Stannis can’t even get folks of the North to sign up to join his cause. He sent a telegram go a family and a 1 year old named Lyassa Marmont writes back that they will only ride or die for a Stark.
He makes Jon an offer that will fulfill Jon’s dreams of wearing his father’s name saying “Pledge me your service and you will rise again as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell.” Whew, that sounds so segzy. Later, Jon confides in Sam and says he is turning down the amazing payment to fight because he swore a vow to the Night’s watch. He’s a very noble dude. With amazing hair.
Their convo is interrupted because it’s time for the men to vote on who the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch will be. The current one, Ser Allison Thorne is a shoo-in, although one of the older men is running against him. Just as voting is about to start, Sam interrupts. Lord Janos tries to tell him to be quiet but he hilariously points out that he should STFU because he still remembers the fact that he was hiding with Gilly and her baby when the Battle was happening. BURN.
Sam continues and says he nominates Jon Snow to be Lord Commander, dropping all his heroic receipts, like the fact that he went and faced the Wildlings aline, and lived to talk about it. And he, of course, led them to victory in that battle as punk ass Janos was cowering in a puddle of his own making. “He may be young but he’s the Commander we turned to when the night was darkest.” Ser Thorne replies by throwing all the hateration in Jon’s dancerie, and the Maester says they just need to vote.
Voting happens and it is a tie between Thorne and Jon. The Maester gets up and breaks the tie by voting for JON MUFUGGING SNOW! All hail Commander Snow!
Arya Stark in Braavos
Arya Stark is now in Braavos, and the man who she came with drops her off at the steps of The House of Black and White. I assume it’s named so because the double door to enter is white on one side, black on the other.
She knocks on the door twice and an older Black man opens the door. She shows him her coin, asks for Jaqen H’ghar and he blank stares her for a second before saying no one of that name lives there.
LMAOOOO! Prime and supreme shade. He closes the door in her face like Martin does to Tommy and Cole when they bug him.
She sits outside the huge house all night, even as it rains on her head, chanting “Cersei. Walder Drey. The Mountain.” That’s her kill list, and she forgot Bill. When morning comes, she gets up and throws the coin in the water. Dang, you coulda traded that or something!
Arya walks through Braavos, when three men notice her sword (The Needle). They tell her to show it to them, because it’s clearly worth a lot of money and she tells them to mind their gahtdamb business. The three approach her and the Black man shows up behind Arya. The moment the men see him, they flee like the punks they are. Arya follows him and he stops in front of the House of Black and White. In one move, his face changes to the young white dude who gave her the coin.
Of course he’s the man she was looking for. She asks him who he is and he says “No one. And that is what girl must become.” They enter the house together. Arya is about to begin Badass Bootcamp. YESSSS.
Daenerys in Mereen
Daario and Grey Worm go to the brothel where White Rat was killed, and when Daario stabs the wall, a man falls out. He is the one who killed the Unsullied. What not? Daenerys wants to execute the Son of the Harpy responsible but her counsel team advises her not to. They think it’s best that she give him a fair trial. Barristan Selmy tells her the story of her father, the Mad King, and how him killing someone like that led to a rebellion that killed every Targaryen. Basically, Dany gotta chill. And she does. She says homeboy will get a fair trial.
One of the men on Dany’s counsel team was a former slave, freed when she came to Mereen. He felt like that Son of Harpy should die, so when she said she’ll let him have a trial, he pays him a visit in prison himself. And kills him. When he is taken to Dany, dude was all “what had happened was… the Son of the Harpy don’t want us free so I killed him.”
Talk about a mess. It becomes an even bigger mess because the Mother of Dragons decides that she will have a public execution for the guy who disobeyed her orders and took matters into his own hands. In front of the entire land of Meereen, he knelt and pled for his life.
The formerly enslaved pled for mercy for him too. She says “You opened up your gates to me because I promised you freedom and justice. One cannot exist without the other.” But lady, this ain’t justice at all.
She gives Daario a nod and he slices the man’s head off. The crown immediately starts hissing at her and the Son of the Harpys and the formerly enslaved start fighting and killing each other. The Unsullieds usher Dany away, and they stand guard at her door because shit ain’t safe, man. And the people she “freed” are now her enemies.
Daenerys walks out her balcony and looks out when she hears a sound behind her. She looks up and it’s runaway dragon, Drogon. He’s full grown, scaly and hella frightening. Just as she’s about to touch his nose, he flies away.
He’s all “don’t touch me, doe.” These dragons are petty. lol
Daenerys is in over her head and is showing her rookie status in this whole ruling game. She made the worst decision she’s made yet by killing that man, especially publicly. You do not take an already oppressed group of people and then publicly execute someone who thought he was fighting for them to stay free. Dany doesn’t take well to the counsel of others. She’s trying to OVERPROVE her ability to rule and it’s failing her.
I cannot wait until Arya finishes training with the man of many faces. She’s gonna leave that house and kill EVERYBODY in her way. She was already mean and about that life. Now, she’ll be vicious and trained at it. Lawdt, I am excited.
Jon Snow as commander of the Night’s Watch made me swoon. Seriously. I love he. My crush grows everyday. I’d totally offer to be his first lady but I don’t do cold. And they made a vow of celibacy and I’m not sure… *internet disconnects*.
This week’s gratuitous picture of Jon looking amazing:
Anywho, sound off in the comments!
Those of you who’ve read the Game of Thrones books. SHUT YOUR TRAPS ABOUT SPOILERS TO COME IF YOU’RE COMMENTING ON MY BLOG! Also, if you’ve watched the leaked episodes SHUT YOUR TRAP TOO. Don’t make me fight you and block you from ever commenting here again. That is all. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW UP TO THIS POINT!