TV

The House of Black and White: Game of Thrones Season 5 Episode 2 Recap

This episode of Game of Thrones kicks off with Arya Stark arriving at Braavos. Let’s talk about the episode.

Braavos entrance

The Jolly Green Giant does security for the town of Braavos to earn his keep.

Sansa and Lord Baelish

Brienne of Tarth the Trill and Podrick are somewhere eating when Podrick notices Lord Baelish and Sansa Stark sitting at a booth behind them. He tells the knight and she stands up and introduces herself to the two, and then she kneels by Sansa.

Brienne swears herself as Sword to the Stark girl, because of the oath she took with her mother before she died.

Brienne Sansa 2 Brienne Sansa 1

Littlefinger is McKayla Maroney not impressed, pointing out that everyone that Brienne has been sword for has died (Renley Baratheon and Lady Stark). To drive his point home, he asks her how Renley died and she replies honestly, saying he was killed by a shadow with the face of Stannis Baratheon. This sounds crazy as hell but it’s what happened. The Evil Dust Spawn of the Red Witch.

Sansa refuses Brienne’s help and her vow to her and the knight leaves, chin-checking some of Littlefinger’s boys on the way out. She exits the place, uses her sword to break some horses free and her and Rodrick bust out, chased by Baelish’s men. Being the real G that she is, Brienne kills a bunch of them and rescues Rodrick as he’s about to be slayed by knights too. Her decision is solid: they will quietly follow Sansa, because she is not safe with Littlefinger.

Cersei in King’s Landing

Cersei Lannister receives a shady gift from the folks in Dorn (where Oberyn is from. May he rest. I’m still salty about how he died). It is a red snake with a gold chain around it and that is a threat.

She’s pissed that her daughter has been bethrothed to one of them and is now in Dorn, under all types of danger so Jamie says he will go get their daughter, Myrcella. Cersei and Jamie are a case in “Incest is bad. Don’t do it.” First son died at his own wedding (BYE, JEFFREY). Daughter was sold off as wife. And the last one, Tommen, well. We’ll see. The day is young.

Smirking whore

I may or may not start calling people “Smirking Whore from Highgarden.”

Jamie got one arm so he can’t roll to Dorn by himself. He goes and finds our favorite golddigging hired swordsman, Bronn. In exchange for him coming with, he’ll give him his daughter and a castle. We didn’t hear Bronn’s answer but you know damb well it’s a yes. He goes where the money takes him.

In Dorn, we see why it makes sense for Jamie to go get the Lannister girl. Oberyn’s wife (Ellaria) is pissed at his brother for not avenging his death. The man makes the point that he died in a match that he agreed to but she ain’t trying to hear it.

Dorne 1 Dorne 2

“Let me have her. Let me send her to Cersei one finger at a time.” Well damb. He retorts with “We do not mutilate little girls for vengeance.” And she storms off. She is one to watch out for.

With Jamie gone, Cersei calls a meeting of the Small Council and her uncle Kevin. She makes Lord Tyrell the Master of Coin and tells unc that he’s Master of War. Too bad Kevin ain’t here for it since he doesn’t recognize her authority. He wonders why King Tommen is and she says he’s busy. “I did not return to the capital to become your puppet. To watch you stack the Small Council with sycophants…You are the Queen Mother. Nothing more.” WELP.

Varys and Tyrion

Varys and Tyrion continue their On The Run Tour but the Little Lannister is not happy about it. He’s in their carriage drinking himself foolish and he is past the stage where an Intervention will work. Varys is focused on this mission of finding Daenerys but he tells his partner that although he’s very hard on himself, he would make a good ruler. I believe it. Tyrion as king would be sweet.

Tyrion Varys 1 Tyrion Varys 2

I think cabin fever is affecting Jamie’s bro, though, because he wants to go for a walk. He is reminded that Cersei has put a bounty on his head, which she wants off his body. Tyrion jokes that it’s not like she’s having every dwarf killed.

Except that’s exactly what she’s doing. Cersei has given people instructions to kill any dwarf they see, in the off chance that the murdered dwarf could be her brother. GAHTDAMB that is hardcore hate. We see how remorseless she is too as people bring her heads of dwarves they killed and her only disappointment is that none of them are Tyrion.

Jon Snow and the Night’s Watch

On the Wall, Gilly the Wildling with the baby, who is Sam is in love with, is being taught how to read by the Baratheon girl (Shireen) with the scaly half face. It also turns the people afflicted with it into animals behavior-wise. The condition is called “Greyscale” and Gilly says two of her sisters had it too, and their father dragged them to the woods. Shireen was somehow cured, though.

Greyscale 1 Greyscale 2

We assume he killed them. Just then, Mrs. Baratheon comes in, tells Sam and Gilly to leave, and tells her daughter to stay way from the Wilding girl. “You have no idea what people will do. All your books and you still don’t know.”

Meanwhile, Jon Snow is in Stannis Baratheon’s chamber, being lectured about how he showed Mance Rayder mercy by killing him with an arrow instead of letting him burn. Baratheon says to Jon: “If they don’t fear you, they don’t follow you.” The Bastard of Winterfell replies with “They will never follow you. You’re the man who burned their king alive.” Sometimes, he does know something.

Stannis can’t even get folks of the North to sign up to join his cause. He sent a telegram go a family and a 1 year old named Lyassa Marmont writes back that they will only ride or die for a Stark.

Bear Island

He makes Jon an offer that will fulfill Jon’s dreams of wearing his father’s name saying “Pledge me your service and you will rise again as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell.” Whew, that sounds so segzy. Later, Jon confides in Sam and says he is turning down the amazing payment to fight because he swore a vow to the Night’s watch. He’s a very noble dude. With amazing hair.

Their convo is interrupted because it’s time for the men to vote on who the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch will be. The current one, Ser Allison Thorne is a shoo-in, although one of the older men is running against him. Just as voting is about to start, Sam interrupts. Lord Janos tries to tell him to be quiet but he hilariously points out that he should STFU because he still remembers the fact that he was hiding with Gilly and her baby when the Battle was happening. BURN.

Jon Snow No

Jon is all “NOOOO I’M NOT READY.”

Sam continues and says he nominates Jon Snow to be Lord Commander, dropping all his heroic receipts, like the fact that he went and faced the Wildlings aline, and lived to talk about it. And he, of course, led them to victory in that battle as punk ass Janos was cowering in a puddle of his own making. “He may be young but he’s the Commander we turned to when the night was darkest.” Ser Thorne replies by throwing all the hateration in Jon’s dancerie, and the Maester says they just need to vote.

Vote for Jon 1 Vote for Jon 2

Voting happens and it is a tie between Thorne and Jon. The Maester gets up and breaks the tie by voting for JON MUFUGGING SNOW! All hail Commander Snow!

Arya Stark in Braavos

Arya Stark is now in Braavos, and the man who she came with drops her off at the steps of The House of Black and White. I assume it’s named so because the double door to enter is white on one side, black on the other.

She knocks on the door twice and an older Black man opens the door. She shows him her coin, asks for Jaqen H’ghar and he blank stares her for a second before saying no one of that name lives there.

Braavos Arya 1

Braavos Arya 2

LMAOOOO! Prime and supreme shade. He closes the door in her face like Martin does to Tommy and Cole when they bug him.

She sits outside the huge house all night, even as it rains on her head, chanting “Cersei. Walder Drey. The Mountain.” That’s her kill list, and she forgot Bill. When morning comes, she gets up and throws the coin in the water. Dang, you coulda traded that or something!

Arya walks through Braavos, when three men notice her sword (The Needle). They tell her to show it to them, because it’s clearly worth a lot of money and she tells them to mind their gahtdamb business. The three approach her and the Black man shows up behind Arya. The moment the men see him, they flee like the punks they are. Arya follows him and he stops in front of the House of Black and White. In one move, his face changes to the young white dude who gave her the coin.

Faceless 1 Faceless 2

Of course he’s the man she was looking for. She asks him who he is and he says “No one. And that is what girl must become.” They enter the house together. Arya is about to begin Badass Bootcamp. YESSSS.

Daenerys in Mereen

Daario and Grey Worm go to the brothel where White Rat was killed, and when Daario stabs the wall, a man falls out. He is the one who killed the Unsullied. What not? Daenerys wants to execute the Son of the Harpy responsible but her counsel team advises her not to. They think it’s best that she give him a fair trial. Barristan Selmy tells her the story of her father, the Mad King, and how him killing someone like that led to a rebellion that killed every Targaryen. Basically, Dany gotta chill. And she does. She says homeboy will get a fair trial.

One of the men on Dany’s counsel team was a former slave, freed when she came to Mereen. He felt like that Son of Harpy should die, so when she said she’ll let him have a trial, he pays him a visit in prison himself. And kills him. When he is taken to Dany, dude was all “what had happened was… the Son of the Harpy don’t want us free so I killed him.”

Talk about a mess. It becomes an even bigger mess because the Mother of Dragons decides that she will have a public execution for the guy who disobeyed her orders and took matters into his own hands. In front of the entire land of Meereen, he knelt and pled for his life.

Freedom 1 Freedom 2

The formerly enslaved pled for mercy for him too. She says “You opened up your gates to me because I promised you freedom and justice. One cannot exist without the other.” But lady, this ain’t justice at all.

She gives Daario a nod and he slices the man’s head off. The crown immediately starts hissing at her and the Son of the Harpys and the formerly enslaved start fighting and killing each other. The Unsullieds usher Dany away, and they stand guard at her door because shit ain’t safe, man. And the people she “freed” are now her enemies.

Daenerys walks out her balcony and looks out when she hears a sound behind her. She looks up and it’s runaway dragon, Drogon. He’s full grown, scaly and hella frightening. Just as she’s about to touch his nose, he flies away.

Drogon 1 Drogon 2

He’s all “don’t touch me, doe.” These dragons are petty. lol


Daenerys is in over her head and is showing her rookie status in this whole ruling game. She made the worst decision she’s made yet by killing that man, especially publicly. You do not take an already oppressed group of people and then publicly execute someone who thought he was fighting for them to stay free. Dany doesn’t take well to the counsel of others. She’s trying to OVERPROVE her ability to rule and it’s failing her.

I cannot wait until Arya finishes training with the man of many faces. She’s gonna leave that house and kill EVERYBODY in her way. She was already mean and about that life. Now, she’ll be vicious and trained at it. Lawdt, I am excited.

Jon Snow as commander of the Night’s Watch made me swoon. Seriously. I love he. My crush grows everyday. I’d totally offer to be his first lady but I don’t do cold. And they made a vow of celibacy and I’m not sure… *internet disconnects*.

This week’s gratuitous picture of Jon looking amazing:

Jon Snow Loyal

Thank you http://Chemsworth.tumblr.com

Anywho, sound off in the comments!

Those of you who’ve read the Game of Thrones books. SHUT YOUR TRAPS ABOUT SPOILERS TO COME IF YOU’RE COMMENTING ON MY BLOG! Also, if you’ve watched the leaked episodes SHUT YOUR TRAP TOO. Don’t make me fight you and block you from ever commenting here again. That is all. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW UP TO THIS POINT! 

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31 Comments

  1. Uncle Flabby
    April 20, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    My swoonery for the Dragon Mother was so pathetic, I didn’t see her amateurish leadership skills at play until Luvvie pointed it out here. I guess she’d be the next casualty in this casualty-prone narrative. So, Who is the next hero Jon Snow? I doubt even he would last. Young Aria? Maybe. She’s ruthless and doesn’t have time for semantics like the other dead heroes. And then there is Tyrion, the dwarf. He too has great leadership skills like his dead father – except he’s not as deviously calculating as the latter. Yup, I guess my favorite candidates for leadership going forward would be between my two favorite characters: Aria Stark, and Tyrion Lannister. And so I wait. Yum!

  2. Mona
    April 20, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    LUUUUVVVVIIIIIEEEEE Jon Snow Gorgeous oughta be illegal. I wanna [signal fade] all night.

    Dany, ionno about her. She’s making all the wrong choices. Like she’s a Kardashian. Chile no!

    And I am HERE FOR ALL ARYA EVERYTHING!

    Love your recaps!

  3. Allie
    April 20, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    I just wanna wash Jon Snow’a hair. Not cause it’s dirty but just so I can get my hands all up in it!

    • MonMon
      April 21, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Yeeeessssss! Hahaha.

  4. Robbie
    April 20, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    Dany boo, we were all rooting for you. She needs to listen and not allow her ambition to overshadow her need for guidance.

    Can we get a Jon Stark? He could be super dope as the King of the North. But them damn fools might not except him and now he leading the Night’s Watch, which I am here for.

    Can Cersi just die? I am waiting for someone to drag her. But she probably can’t fight anyway. I see huge change coming to King’s Landing soon.

    Sansa, don’t be feelin yo self like Nicki. Your goodies might not stay your own for too long messing with Littlefinger *insert a Ciara twerk*

    Tyrion, you are my spirit animal and I hope he can lead Dany to victory. Varys, I don’t trust his ass at all. Watch him cousin Tyrion!

  5. Niki
    April 20, 2015 at 11:13 pm

    “Jon MUFFUGGING Snow” This describes perfectly the feeling I had in my heart when he was elected! 🙂 Y’all know Ser Alliser was all kinds of pissed. I couldn’t stop thinking “He gon’ cry in the car” (or while walking back to his bed chamber, but you know…whatever).

    Khaleesi is on my nerves now. I’m ’bout sick of her and her mess. If I have to hear her say “I am a Queen” one more ‘gin, I’m gonna lose it. Because if you’re a true Queen (or ruler) you don’t need to say it. She should have listened to homeboy when he tried to warn her. Welp.

    One last note. I’m floored by Cersei’s lack of self-awareness. That she called anyone a whore is staggering to me. Somewhere the pot and the kettle are sitting there like “Really, bitch? REALLY?”

  6. April 20, 2015 at 11:44 pm

    It’s funny… I loved when Dany was taking no names, freezing slaves and following her own council- in spite of what anyone else said – even Jorah Mormot (Lord of the Friendzone).

    So now it’s obvious the little Dragon doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s never known, Dany is winging it. Her decisions once ended a powerful Khal of the fearsome Dothraki nomads. (Think about that)

    Anyways… I’m here for the house of black and white. Sansa’s getting smart, I can feel it. Tyrion needs to snap out of the pity party. If he was killed, no one in Kings Landing would drink themselves to death. No one.

    Thanks for the Recap Luvvie!

  7. Dantotsu
    April 20, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    Kahleesi nedds Tyrion badly! She is doing too much of the wrong thing. Don’t use commkn sense. Luv Drogon tho! He will be the ultimate hero! Also loving Jon and his hair! Both are so honorable!

  8. Hagar
    April 21, 2015 at 8:21 am

    Dany blew it big-time. The whole thing with the son of the harpy took place inside the palace dungeon and nobody knew about him; all the people of Mereen see is a former slave who fought for her outchere getting his head chopped off after begging for mercy. She should’ve explained to the crowd about the son of the harpy (show them the mask, stupid) and what he was doing instead of just saying that there was some dude waiting for trial and old boy killed him. It wouldn’t have made a big difference, but it might have made a difference.

    And this mess about the refusal to respect the customs of the lands that she has conquered and thinking that she can solve everything just by invading and saying “I am queen” reminds me of a certain idiot dressed up in borrowed fighter pilot gear standing in front of a banner reading “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.”

  9. Courtney Young
    April 21, 2015 at 11:01 am

    I think Oberyn’s woman is his lover, not his wife (since free love was a thing there). I’m not 100%sure but idk.

    Also, (even tho they changed the books quite a bit), don’t forget Dany is probably about 15 or 16 at this point, and everyone that rules at that age has a council, while the main person that counseled her betrayed her, so she’s probably not trusting them to the fullest. She still screwed up, yes, definitely.

    I’M SO EXCITED FOR JOHN AND ARYA. The outcasts are starting to take over!

    I’m really thinking that Sansa is scheming something. She’s too smart by now to just go along with what ppl say, especially since Baelish killed her auntie with no remorse. She knows he can’t be trusted, she’s probably waiting on him to finish getting her where she needs to be. She’s playing the game

    • Mo to tha
      April 21, 2015 at 1:51 pm

      Semi off-topic but not only did Littlefinger kill Elisa, he straight ‘300’d’ her and kicked her down a hole. I’m sorry, I can’t trust nobody that kicks my auntie down a hole. Althgouh I’m glad her son is getting his butt whooped regularly while ‘training’. I legit hoped he would jump in the opening after his mom but alas it was not to be.

  10. justme
    April 21, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    Daenerys “I’m not a politician, I’m a queen” Targaryen is dumb as hell and I’m glad that more people are finally seeing this. I feel bad that she grew up with an abusive brother but she is entitled, clueless and power hungry. Bad combo.

    I have a soft spot for all the Stark kids.
    Jon “My oh, my oh, my oh, my oh, my booooooo” Snow is his father’s son to the bones. If anything happens to him, I’m writing a strongly worded letter to HBO.
    I’m still not sure Sansa has truly wisened up. I’m rooting for her to find a way to untangle herself from Lord Baelish’s creepy self.

    I hope that Tywin’s brother is going to come back because I loved the way he checkmate’d Cersei.

  11. Kendra
    April 21, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Jamie didn’t promise Bronn his daughter, he just promised him a better chick than what he was currently working with.

  12. Serenity
    April 21, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    “SSSSSSSSSSSSSS……..”

    I have been finding reasons to do that since I saw the slaves do it.

  13. April 21, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    Luv the recap and commentary this is one of my fave places to go after each episode. Tyrion must be too drunk to think now because – say what – when he meets up with Dany she’s going to be all ‘I hate Lannisters’…he could never work for her ’cause she’s going to want to kill Jaime as soon as she can, right? Even if she can handle having Tyrion around. So Varys, what are u thinking man?

    And Jaime…please god, keep wearing that outfit you had on when you met with Bronn. Because it looks good. Real good.

    And WHERE IS LITTLEFINGER GOING? Far away he says. Is he heading for Dany-ville? Dorn? Dany-ville would be tres awkward, because in theory Tyrion is going to be there too and hellooo he’s supposed to be married to Sansa. What would be in Dorn? I love me some Littlefinger, but he’d sell anyone out to get ahead.

    Uncle Lannister’s act was pure gold. Cersei can’t be happy no matter how hard she tries, and she has a totally messed up world view, but nobody wants to say boo to her. Except Uncle Lannister. He needs to lead the intervention.

  14. MonMon
    April 21, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    I’m so happy to find your posts on this show! I love GOT and will definitely be following. There are a lot of Jon Snow lovers here so I’ll be right at home, LOL.

  15. whilome
    April 21, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    I’mma need Tyrion to sober up, but I’m loving the Spider and him as a team. Not sure if I can trust Varys completely, doe.

  16. Christina
    April 21, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    I think the mother of dragons needs to stop listening to counsel. When she just did what she wanted to do, her decisions made sense. Her council is not helping her in this situation, they are just confusing her more. She needs to get back to the person she was after she climbed out of the ashes of her husbands funeral pyre. Ruthless and decisive.

  17. szhona
    April 21, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    As soon as I heard “smirking whore of Highgarden” I was thinking of where and when I would use it (everyone knows I’m a GoT “nerd” so it won’t matter when they look at me all puzzled)!

    Jon Snow is just all kinds of ooh aah!

    Po’ Dany! Ssssssssssssss!

  18. Beks
    April 21, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    I thought this was the post about west and dyson…ha.

  19. April 21, 2015 at 8:11 pm

    John Snow may be young but he’s ready. Also can someone please tell me how he keeps his curls so juicy in the frozen north. What mousse is he using? Where can I get some?

  20. April 22, 2015 at 8:38 am

    I LOVE that you’re doing these. I look forward to your recap as much as the show. A lot of people do them, but yours are hilarious.
    Jon Snow is IT. I feel like he’s the whole book. He and Dany, since he’s the “ice” and she’s the “fire” and the WHOLE series is A Song of Ice and Fire. That’s not a spoiler just how I see it. We don’t know what’s going on.
    I agree about Dany. She’s so young, she doesn’t know who to trust so it seems like she doesn’t trust anybody. She’s going on her gut. She was totally surprised by the one guy who visited her, he was a slave that was now free, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. He wanted to be a slave again. Her face, it was like, she did NOT see that coming.
    She reminds me of Robert Baratheon, he was Cersei’s husband. He loved war, he HATED being king, the ruling part of it. Dany seemed like she wanted to learn about it, maybe that’s how she’ll learn? We’ll have to see. We know she kicks butt at war, or at least she did when she could ‘control’ the dragons. Now she has to chain them up. So, she freed the slaves but imprisoned her dragons. That’s some crazy stuff.

  21. Vonetta
    April 22, 2015 at 8:51 am

    When Dany had dude executed & the people started hissing & setting things off, I had to lean in w/ an ill side eye at her & do my best Bill Duke in Menace 2 Society:

    “…you know you done fukked up, right???”

  22. micialeo
    April 22, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Hey Luvvie,

    I appreciate the “give us us free” liberating slaves storyline, but don’t you find Daenerys incredibly boring? I think they have to kill her to salvage the show! Her translator and that fine black man with the unsullied should rule everything!

  23. April 23, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    “on the run” tour. I’m deadddd

  24. Bruce Little
    April 23, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    I read all the books and I will say this: Keep up these lame recaps and I will spoil everything including who Jon Snow’s mother is.
    Please stop writing the recaps of this show (the show I barely tolerate btw) if you keep misspelling character’s names and giving a basic-assed recap with only a flourishing of sentences with Big-Momma vernacular in the hopes to make it interesting. I mean no deconstruction of characters, or leading the readers into speculative discussion, just this water cooler drivel. Ugh.

    Try. Again.

    • Char
      April 23, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      If you don’t like Luvvie’s Recaps, there are lots of other recaps and discussions, written and on Youtube . Feel free to seek them out. We’ll be Okay here.

    • MoniQ
      April 24, 2015 at 12:56 am

      Bye Felicia!

    • Blackberry Molasses
      April 27, 2015 at 10:09 am

      go away. you weren’t invited and no one wants you here. you don’t even bring snacks.

      signed, a book reader who loves the show and appreciates Luvvie’s recaps.

  25. Tee
    April 25, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Great recap Luvvie! Gotta say, I’m usually & absolutely TeamJonSnow-Stark ALL DAY – his hair, his sword skills, his integrity (YUM!!) – but did you see the semi-shady, incestuous, 5 fingered Sir Jamie in this episode? Wearing the hell out of his good, tailored, leather jacket from Wilson’s? Yessir!!! Never looked at him like that before. That jacket works miracles…he shouldst keepeth it on forever!

  26. Blackberry Molasses
    April 27, 2015 at 10:25 am

    i appreciated how Ser Barristan Selmy took Daenerys aside and was like “look chica, your enemies weren’t lying. your father was a true nutjob who sowed the seeds of the rebellion that got him killed. make sure your apple falls far from the tree.” i really like how she didn’t listen O_o. she is tiresome and hard to root for. hopefully Tyrion makes it to her and gives her the guidance she needs. but she’s hard headed and he’s a Lannister, soo….

    i’m here for Jon becoming the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. he was being groomed for it anyway, by being named Commander Mormont’s personal steward and Maester Aemon knew it, hence him casting the deciding vote for him. also, he sees greatness in Jon, and understands what Jon saw north of the Wall and how it will impact his leadership. especially since Stannis has decided to set up shop at Castle Black indefinitely.

    speaking of Stannis, LMAO at him being shaded by Lyssa Mormont– a girl of 10. The North Remembers… they are the blood of the First Men, Stannis and you are a Southerner. no one is going to mention how Melissandre asked if Jon is a virgin last episode? she’s plotting something… likely some more blood magic. you saw what she did to Gendry he had a king’s blood and Jon is the brother of the last King in the North, Robb. i’m watching her….

    it will be interesting to see Arya in the House of Black and White, because they have to strip her of her identity. she’s still wolf blooded–probably the most wolf blooded out of all her siblings, besides Bran.