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George Zimmerman Was Shot in the Face A Little. Because: Monday

George Zimmerman in another altercation that police were called to. We like to call this special occasion “Monday.” That man gets in more trouble than New York rats get on the subway and he doesn’t ever see lock up. His life is clearly on some “Final Destination: Prison For Life” shit.

George-Zimmerman

The reason for dropping people off in space without suits.

The latest is that today, he was shot in the face a little bit. I say a little because they said injuries were minor. I won’t lie. I was disappointed. My hate for this dude is more intense than 1,000 African suns at high noon in an area with no shade in the July.

HOW DO YOU GET SHOT IN THE FACE AND INJURIES ARE MINOR? How, Sway??? Only Zimmerman the Human Rubber Pellet. He’s like a toddler who doesn’t want you to carry him, so they go limp and there’s no way you can get a handle on them so they just slide to the floor.

Nothing sticks on the dude. Bullets, charges… BUT here’s the thing. He is in constant turmoil, chaos and conflict. Even though he walks away from shit, the dude cannot have nice things. Somebody’s Granny has put some juju on George and he don’t even know it. He killed a boy, walked away free, made money from it and thought he was gonna prosper. NO MA’AM. NO SAM. NO BOB. That is not how this is gonna go.

That man will NEVER know peace. That is obvious. Peace is all “Who is George Zimmerman? No, I don’t know him.” I called Peace to ask it further questions of this waterhead ass delinquent ass up to no good ass dude. I got its voicemail.

All I know is, whenever George Zimmerman dies, the devil will be on the other side like:

Waiting at the door 2 gif

Breaking news: Peace called me back and said it is insulted that we’d even think it would want to have anything to do with George. Welp. Everything he thinks about is gon fail. Everything he touch gon crumble. He is the reason for all the world’s petty prayers.

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51 Comments

  1. D
    May 11, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    Chyle.. Ppl like that don’t know death nor peace. I’m willing to bet he may be found somewhere face down in a hotel room real soon. I doubt anyone would miss that face. Set too close together Eyes and receded hairline and all. #Sleeeeeeep #BringEmDownOgun

  2. Mona Isler
    May 11, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    This whole post is perfection. And your conversation with Peace…. What are words?

    • whilome
      May 11, 2015 at 6:30 pm

      Right?! She said all there needs to be said.
      Peace hiding behind the door like, “No paz aqui…”

      • May 11, 2015 at 6:43 pm

        Lmao!!!! ‘Paz no aqui’ !! I.don.die!

      • TotalTennisGeek
        May 11, 2015 at 10:16 pm

        Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaahahahahahaha!!!!

  3. May 11, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Haha! You put that Color purple on him! I hope it works! How this man keeps escaping punishment baffles me. Yet we’re out here getting killed over traffic stops and loose cigarettes. *getting back under the covers

  4. Shar
    May 11, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Yasssss Luvvie, just Yassss to errthang you said but I wish “him would die a tousand deaths”.(in my Marked for Death Jamaican accent)… however, this could be his hell since actual death will be too final, then who else would we love to hate?

  5. Shanan
    May 11, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    Oh Zimmerman where you gonna run to? Run to the devil.

    • Tita
      May 11, 2015 at 10:27 pm

      Priceless!

  6. DCFem
    May 11, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Perfectly said. Do you think anyone in the media will ever track down even one of the eleven jurors who voted to set this man free and ask them what they think now? I’d like to know if peace ever visits their homes because I doubt it.

    • May 11, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      Peace be like “love don’t live here anymore”!!!! Can SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, plz tell me WHY this man is still walking free? Peace OUT!!!

    • TheItGyrl
      May 12, 2015 at 1:41 pm

      Peace is all – “How did you get here? Nobody’s supposed to be here.”

  7. Max
    May 11, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    All this. Money thinks he’s Batman or Tupac. And we all know the clock ran out for ‘Pac eventually. But if he goes it’s gotta be something involving a million papercuts & a vat of lemon juice. Otherwise he can go scratch.

  8. Absurdist
    May 11, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    “HOW DO YOU GET SHOT IN THE FACE AND INJURIES ARE MINOR?”

    That’s a question that it’s probably best to ask certain among Dick Cheney’s friends.

    • paleo_wino
      May 11, 2015 at 5:38 pm

      Magic Bullet Theory Cont’d.

      • May 11, 2015 at 7:11 pm

        Where is Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby when u need em?

    • Lorna
      May 11, 2015 at 7:27 pm

      Well played. We totally go together now! Lol!!

  9. violet
    May 11, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    I read that automatically in Celie-voice, too.

  10. May 11, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    This dude is like a li’l piece of turd that keeps swirling around in the toilet but refuses to go down! I hope he and his shenanigans will finally disappear with the next flush…

    • Silk!
      May 11, 2015 at 8:11 pm

      The unflushable turdlette!

  11. a416Bajan
    May 11, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Karma catches up to Teflon George.

  12. Milaxx
    May 11, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    You know if this dude had more pigment, every time one of these instances occurred every single talking head at Fox news would be going on and on about how awful he is and how he needs to be stopped. Bill O’Reilly would be writing a new book about him ad Rush Limbaugh would be spitting all over his microphone to the remnants of his listening audience talking about how awful he is.

    • Jes
      May 14, 2015 at 9:58 am

      I said about the same thing to someone the other day.. If Trayvon had been a white kid, the same fools kissing Zimmerman’s ass would be going on and on about this “Latino menace” and crying out for his blood.

  13. Georgette Connell
    May 11, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    “My hate for this dude is more intense than 1,000 African suns at high noon in an area with no shade in the July.” while wearing a skull cap and a chinchilla coat.

    • notconvincedgranny
      May 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      With fur-lined thigh-high boots, mink mittens and an empty water bottle.

      • Lorna
        May 11, 2015 at 7:29 pm

        …and no sunglasses.

        • G
          May 11, 2015 at 9:08 pm

          While on fire….

        • BklynBajan
          May 12, 2015 at 7:34 pm

          ….and the fleas from 100 diseased camels invade his crotch.

  14. notconvincedgranny
    May 11, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    Shooting him in the head won’t hurt him; gotta tear that ass open to shut him up. Tha’ beady eyed bastid.

  15. RonicaOne
    May 11, 2015 at 6:48 pm

    i was just thinking he showed up with no Mothers Day card and mom lost it. Matches the Snoop meme.

  16. nichole
    May 11, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    That comment on your FB page! That Russell must have been the shooter! That was all I needed today.

    Thank you Niqui Thomas!

  17. Mary Burrell
    May 11, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    7550 S.Westmoreland Road #228
    the harbors apartments

    • Boo Radley
      May 12, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      I’m sorry. I’d say I’d swing by next time I’m in Dallas, but I’m totes good on Westmoreland Apts, thanks.

  18. Mary Burrell
    May 11, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    This post gave me life. I know i was wrong to laugh when i saw the headlines George Zimmerman shot in face. I did Tee Hee a little,

  19. randomChick
    May 11, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    HOW SWAY!!??? I live! Then I died lmbao

  20. heha
    May 12, 2015 at 1:22 am

    Too many people shekped for him for it to ever be well with him. Good

  21. omoobanta
    May 12, 2015 at 4:37 am

    as in I think the global weight of curses on his head – one must enter

  22. BklynGirl
    May 12, 2015 at 7:32 am

    Chile, not even the devil wants him. He was all like, “Bruh, you gotta stay on earth, you bringing hell’s property values down. You need to stay up there just in case I wanna sell.” And that is why he just won’t die. Real talk!

    • Diva
      May 12, 2015 at 10:24 am

      You owe me a cup of juice for that comment. Whew.

    • May 12, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      This made me laugh out loud in a hospital. Imma get put outta here messing with yall

  23. Shannyn
    May 12, 2015 at 7:47 am

    “Only Zimmerman the Human Rubber Pellet. He’s like a toddler who doesn’t want you to carry him, so they go limp and there’s no way you can get a handle on them so they just slide to the floor.”

    This was everything. Remember when OJ got off after Nichole? His life has been a combination of Celie’s curse from “The Color Purple,” “Survivor”, “Lord of the Rings,” “Lemony Snicket”

  24. Kobi
    May 12, 2015 at 8:11 am

    You are amazing! Love your blog! First time and I’m sold! How Sway?! LMAO!!!

  25. May 12, 2015 at 10:09 am

    I love your writing style. You tell it like it is. I dislike this man too. I don’t understand how he gets away with so much. Karma’s a bitch, and she’s waiting for him!

  26. unprofessional
    May 12, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Note to self: DO NOT read these comments while giving students a final exam.

  27. TheItGyrl
    May 12, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Somebody PLEASE come and bury me because I done die!
    HOW SWAY????

  28. May 13, 2015 at 9:37 am

    *hides the chicken bones*

  29. Brigadoon
    May 13, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    I don’t get the Zim hate. Hispanic dude gets jumped by black dude, shoots him. Happens all the time in LA, as well as the opposite. Why the big deal? Because he had some German in the woodpile that cursed him with a name like Zimmerman?

    I figure if his last name ended in a ‘z’ instead of started with one no one would have cared in the slightest. That’s some serious racism there… hating on some dude cause his name is too white.

    You going after black dudes because their last name is Jefferson or Carpenter?

    • notconvincedgranny
      May 14, 2015 at 2:36 pm

      In the future, you might consider forming opinions based on more than single words and random sound bites.

  30. Jes
    May 14, 2015 at 9:22 am

    Wow, where to start.. First off, this isn’t some poor Mexican kid who got jumped for walking through the wrong neighborhood while minding his own business. His mom is Peruvian. Peru, like much of S. America, is rife with shade-ism far worse than what we see in the U.S. if you can believe it. If you’re dark, you’re “low class”, even if all your siblings are light and you’re the only dark one. I’d bet my whole paycheck Mrs. Zimmerman considers herself White, not Latina. Also, there is no definitive proof that Trayvon just jumped on him. Besides, if he did jump on him, didn’t he have good reason to? I know if I were a teenager walking alone in a dark neighborhood and a creepy, beady eyed older man were following me and wouldn’t stop, I’d be pretty freaked out. He had EVERY reason to feel threatened. Trayvon Martin was doing nothing wrong. He had every right to walk down his own street without being harassed. Zimmerman was told to leave him alone and let the cops handle it, but his arrogance couldn’t allow that. This teenager died because a married loser who can’t support himself and his wife and has to live with daddy had a chip on his shoulder and an undeserved sense of authority. He is praised as a hero, even though he has a rap sheet and Trayvon has a headstone. Zimmerman was arrested for “resisting arrest with violence” YEARS before the Trayvon incident, yet people support him and call Trayvon a thug because he smoked pot and acted hard on Facebook (bc teenaged boys never do that, right?) And he continues to stir up trouble wherever he goes because he now has, on top of his other shitty attributes, a god complex. Oh yeah, and about him not being racist, let me just quote the Washington Post, over the course of eight years, Zimmerman made at least 46 calls to the Sanford (Fla.) Police Department reporting suspicious activity involving black males.” He also hates women. So to answer your question.. these, among others I’m sure, are the reasons people hate George Zimmerman.

    • Jes
      May 14, 2015 at 9:27 am

      Oh wait, let’s not forget the part where Witness no.9, one of his own relatives, said he molested her as a child AND said he is definitely racist and confrontational. Please don’t come back with “she just wants attention” because she stayed anonymous, so that argument is not valid.

  31. Jabria
    May 30, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    And then the guy accused of shooting him is planning on using the ‘Stand Your Ground’ defense. Because karma.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/29/matthew-apperson-stand-your-ground_n_7472894.html