I was advised to take a mild sedative before watching episode 8 of Game of Throne season 5. I didn’t listen. Lawdt, I did not listen. Let’s just get into it.
Arya was not ready to be “No One” but she was ready to be “Someone Else.” That person is an orphan girl named Lana, who wears her hair in two plaits and a sells clams and oysters in Braavos. Jaqer of Many Faces tells her that she should now go to the Harbor to sell her goods, and keep an eye out. She will see something.
Lana Arya goes and a man buys 4 oysters from her. She ear hustles as someone stops by his shop and basically gets carried away after he drops money. Reporting back to Jaqer, she finds out that he is a gambler, and he bets on the lives of sailors who come into Braavos. Her assignment is to learn everything she can about him. Also, she’ll be the one to kill that dude, and she gets a little potion.
When she leaves, the girl who’s been giving her shit in the House of Black and White asks the Man of Many Faces if she’s ready. He basically shrugs because who cares? Aw damb. Valar Morghulis Bootcamp is hard.
Reek brings Sansa’s food in and seems even more scared to look at her than he already was. She asks him why he snitched on her to Ramsay and he says he was trying to help her. There is no escaping from Winterfell. He tried, which is why his natural carrot is now gone. “If I could do what Ramsay did to you right here right now, I would.” “I deserve to be Reek. I did terrible things.” She gets all up in his face space and says he burned her brothers Bran and Rickon and let them hang. Theon admits that he couldn’t find them so he burned 2 farmer boys instead and said they were the Stark brothers.
Relief washes over her face when she realizes that she still has brothers out there (not named Jon). Reek runs out, perpetually paniced about being punished.
Roose and Ramsay are plotting what to do about Stannis’ march up North. Roose thinks they should do nothing because all he has are 6,000 men and they aren’t equipped for the conditions. They will freeze first so no biggie. Ramsay thinks they need to attack the Baratheon, and he doesn’t even want a whole army. He just wants 20 good men. Uh oh. What does he have brewing, with his crazy ass??
One of the scientology Sparrow nuns comes into Cersei’s cell and says she wants her to confess. She refuses and the lady beats her with the metal spoon and leaves.
Cersei is visited by Qyburn the crooked mad scientist and told that she will be tried for fornication, treason and incest. Her Uncle Kevan now presides over the Small Council. Jamie isn’t back from Dorne and Tommen won’t come see her. In fact, he’s locked himself in his chamber and not coming out. He isn’t even eating. Sir, a hunger strike ain’t the way to deal with this. Long story short: Cersei is fucked. Qyburn suggests that she confesses and she tells him “I will not kneel before some bare-footed commoner and beg his forgiveness.” But your dumbass gave him all this power. Girl, bye.
Scientology nun comes back as her visitor leaves, asking for a confession.
Cersei looks at her and promises her all the riches in the world if she lets her go. She sees the lady is not moved so she switches to threatening her about how she will make sure the lady dies a painful death. None of it works. The lady takes the ladle she’s holding with water and pours it on the ground before leaving. When the door closes, a parched Cersei slurps up the water from the floor. Oh how the mighty has fallen.
Jorah and Tyrion are standing in front of the Stormborn Queen, who wants to know how she can guarantee that Tyrion is who he is. See, he tried to stop at the Westeros DMV but they were closed. Our boy reads his life to him and says he killed both his mother (at birth) and his father. She asks why should she take his services instead of kill him if he’s known for killing his kinfolk. His reply “It’s too soon to know if you deserve my services.” HA! What Tyrion lacks in height, he got in mouth. He can definitely advice her, because killing and politics are not the same thing. She might have an army but she has to deputy who knows the lay of the land and got the tea on the royal families and how they operate.
She understands that he is to be taken seriously and allows him to get closer to her, out of chains. The first piece of advice she wants? What should she do with Jorah? She promised that the next time she sees him, she will have him killed. Should she go back on her word and look weak? Tyrion says that the man worships her and might be in love with her. You do not kill those who are devoted to you because it doesn’t get other people to want to give you their loyalty.
Mormont is seriously devoted to her but he did betray her and never admitted to his crime of giving Varys her info for 20 years. Tyrion says Jorah cannot be by her side when she crosses the seas of Westeros so she orders him to be put out the city. Her guards to just that and as he stands outside Meereen, Jorah pulls up his sleeve to see how the Greyscale is hanging and spreading. He goes to the Pit Master who brought him to Meereen and says he wants to fight for Dany in the Great Pit so he can be sold.
Later, Tyrion clearly got to shower and a change of clothes, and he’s sipping wine with Dany.
They are “Two terrible children of two terrible fathers” and one day when Tyrion gets drunk enough, he’ll tell her why he killed his.
He tells her that although Jorah did betray her for so long with Varys, he trusts him and the only other person he can say that about is his brother. Which, I’m not sure if he should because that brother (Jamie) promised Bronn he’ll kill him on sight.
Dany says she has decided not to kill Little Lannister, and to take him up on his offer to be Advisor. The man is full of wisdom and this is the wisest thing she’s done in recent memory. He wants to help her get what she wants, and she says it’s the Iron Throne. He is not too sure she should try for it but she’s set on it. He points out that the only supporters she currently has are the poor people of Meereen. The Lannisters and the Targaryens do not get along. The Starks are all gone (well, the kids remain but no one knows), Stannis wants the throne himself so that exes out the Baratheons, the Boltons are nuts (and not really that powerful), so that leaves the Tyrells.
Stormborn tells him that she doesn’t want to become a spoke in the wheel. “I’m not going to stop the wheel. I am going to break the wheel.”
At Castle Black, Gilly is nursing Sam back to health from the asswhooping he received the night before. Just then, Ollie, Jon’s steward comes in bearing food for him. He wants to speak with Sam alone so Gilly excuses herself. The Wildlings killed his family and destroyed his village. Why would Jon want to save them? Sam explains that Jon is trying to save THEM all because the war that is coming with the White Walkers is going to need as many people as possible. The Lord Commander is taking a risk but they are ALL going to face definite death if the men of the Night’s Watch are supposed to go at this alone. Sam says “Don’t worry. He always comes back” as the boy leaves.
The Night’s Watch men (and Turmond) arrive at Hardhome, where the Wildlings are. There’s A LOT of Wildlings, and this is already terrifying. As their boats stop, they are met by the Lord of Bones. Turmond speaks and says he needs to speak with the elders. The Lord of Bones is calling him all sorts of traitors when Jon says they’re allies and he comes at Turmond.
Big mistake. The redhead kills him in 5 slams. Now… to the elders.
Jon tells the Elders of the Windlings that the White Walkers are coming. He is not there to make friends. He is there to give them all a fighting chance to stay alive, and they cannot do it if they don’t fight this war together. He even hands them dragonglass, saying that is the only thing known to kill the White Walkers. One of them asks where Mance Rayder is, and Jon admits to shooting an arrow through his heart. WOMP. Sir, you suck at diplomacy sometimes. The Wildlings are about to get at him when Turmond steps in. Jon killed Mance as an act of mercy because he was going to be burned at stake by Stannis. He is one honorable crow.
Sooo… what are they gonna do? Go with Jon or stay behind? “My ancestors would pit on me if I broke bread with a crow.” One of the lone women elders, named Karsi says “So would mine but fuck em. They’re dead.”
WELP. On Turmond’s word and vouching for Jon, she’s in. But one of the Wildlings, named Thenn, is all “Nah, B.” Fuck you too, den. As this meeting is happening, their resident giant is watching.
About 5,000 Wildlings agree to roll with Jon, so they’re all being loaded on the boats. Karsi puts her kids on one of the boats and promises she’ll be right behind them. Jon and Turmond are keeping the neat queue going when a sound comes from the mountains. Everyone looks up and at first, they don’t know what’s happening. Then Thenn instructs his men to close the gate.
WIGHTS ARE COMING. What are those? They’re the army of the dead that White Walkers use. Anyone they kill (who isn’t burned) becomes one. Chaos breaks loose as the boats hurriedly leave. The Night’s Men tell Jon to get on the boat and he says no. He must stay and fight with them. He promises that they will be allowed south of the wall. At this point, I’m at home screaming GET ON THE FUCKING BOAT, JON. But he doesn’t listen to me. He jumps into the action, like the noble bastard he is and I love him.
Wights jump all up through the gate. Wildlings are killing as many as they can, and getting killed. Karsi the badass woman is slaying them left and right. Jon and Turmond are also in the heat of the battle. They have to find the dragonglass because White Walkers are always close behind wights. Jon realizes that it must be in the shack where they had the elders meeting. The giant breaks out from there and is fighting all the wights, who have no effect on him. Jon and Thenn enter the shack and in walks a White Walker with his blazing blue eyes. FAQUE.
Thenn attempts to fight him but is swiftly killed by the sword of ice. Jon is looking for the dragonglass to no avail as the White Walker comes towards him. He is no weakling and he’s fast so he avoids being stabbed. He does get hit, so he’s not at full capacity. He somehow gets out the shack and falls into the snow, weakened by the blow and the White Walker comes out. Jon avoids being stabbed at the last moment by using his sword to keep it at bay and they fight.
At this point, my heart is in my THOAT and I had to pause to catch my breath. My nerves were shot to hell and my blood pressure was SKY HIGH. un-pauses
So Jon takes one strong swing and stabs the White Walker, who explodes into dust.
WHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT. Jon’s sword killed it?!? Dragonglass is NOT the only thing that can be used to kill them. As this battle is happening 4 White Walkers on horses are watching from above the mountain. One of them, named the Night’s King, is intrigued when he sees Jon destroy his man.
Meanwhile, Karsi’s still kicking ass and taking wight names on the battlefield. All of a sudden, she sees 5 child wights and stops. This is her downfall because they all attack her at once. Gahtdambit. She dead.
Jon is back with Turmond and one of his other Night’s Watch men and things have settled when they look up and see an army of wights jumping down from the mountain. THEY ARE ENDLESS. And at this point, they outnumber them. All the men can do is run to the boats. With the giant behind them keeping the wights at bay, the men make it to their remaining boat and start rowing.
The wights cannot come into water so they stay. All the men can do is watch the remaining Wildlings be killed by these undead. Dambit.
As the boat slowly rows away, and the giant enters the water, the Night’s King (aka Master White Walker) walks to the front to see them go. This is not the kind of goodbye anyone would want. Him and Jon Snow lock eyes, in a staring contest that gave me the heeby jeebies.
Then, he slowly raises his hands and all the bodies around him get up. The dead Wildlings are now Wights, and they number in the thousands. If Jon and his men thought they might have escaped, that triumph was temporary because what will meet them later on is thousands of these things. The Night’s King was basically like “Oh you think you got people? CHALLONJ.”
FAQUE. FACK. FUCK. I can’t. I’m unable to can. My ability to can is on break. Cans are backordered. I wish I could but I can’t.
This show, man. It needs to come with warnings of “please apologize to your neighbors in advance.”
So Valyrian steel and dragon glass are the only things that can kill white walkers. Who else (besides Jon) got Valyrian steel? Arya, right?
How many giants are left? Are they in this fight too? Because One-One came through in the clutch at Hardhome. We need Two-Two.
How much Valyrian Steel is around? Who got it? Right now, we know Jon has it. And apparently, Brienne of Tarth who got hers from Jamie. Joffrey had one but was it buried with him or did someone take it? Was Arya’s needle made of Valyrian Steel? People are always impressed when they see it. Who else??
How much dragonglass is left? Do we need to Amazon Prime these? I mean, clearly they need to stock up. Seriously. Also, Jon never did find the dragonglass in the shack. Does the giant have it?
Did Jon kill the White Walker because of his Valyrian Steel or was it a combo of that and his dragon blood? Now more than ever, I am convinced that he’s a Targaryen. R + L = J is all but confirmed at this point. If you don’t know what that is, Google it! I don’t have any doubt that he is TRUE son of fire and ice… I feel like his badassness shows it (that and all the bold hints that have been dropped this season especially).
The TWO people who cannot die are Tyrion and Jon. They’ve faced death MANY TIMES but they keep telling it “Not today. When Tyrion Lannister and Jon Snow meet and unite forces, they will be unstoppable.
Also, more than ever the Dragonness of it all will come in handy. I need him and Dany to meet, and her bad ass dragons. They will be needed to defeat these White Walkers, and to burn bodies so they don’t just add to the army.
BTW, Tormund and Jon are a good team. They really did do some damage tonight and them coming together to protect the wall will be so important. They’re bonded tonight, having saved each others’ asses.
Episode 9s on GoT have definitely dropkicked us in the head. Ned’s beheading happened in season 1, episode 9. The Red Wedding was season 3, episode 9. If we follow that pattern, season 5, episode 9 is going to be a doozer.
Winter ain’t coming. Winter has brought its cold ass. It is here. And everyone is fucked.
Anywho, discuss! Those of you who’ve read the Game of Thrones books. SHUT YOUR TRAPS ABOUT SPOILERS TO COME IF YOU’RE COMMENTING ON MY BLOG! Don’t make me fight you and block you from ever commenting here again. That is all. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW UP TO THIS POINT!
I’ll be in Morocco next week when the 9th episode of airs but I’ll find a way to watch it because I know shit’s gon hit the fan.