Famous folks

Victor Cruz’s Fiancee Elaina and the Mass Text Pigeon Summit

Love is deaf, dumb and blind. It has us looking stupid as hell sometimes, and doing ill-advised things that heart-sober us would not do.

NFL football player Victor Cruz is apparently loose in the pants even though he has a fiancee. Word on the streets is that Elaina Watley, his fiancee sent a mass text message to Victor’s side-chicks.

Victor Cruz fiancee

If you want to know what being a bird looks like, this is it. Anyone who finds out their partner is cheating and confronts whoever they’re cheating with instead of the damb groupon peen and vag they have committed to is a basic bird. They are pigeons.

We’re CCing side-chicks in mass emails too? She needs to create a Facebook event and invite them all to it, called “Leave My Man Alone” and set the date to yesterday. Why would you even fix yourself to tell mistresses that your man has denied your existence? The main person losing here is you and only you. Then she admits that he has told her that they are just “whores” which means you and him have had a conversation and he clearly doesn’t give a shit about your feelings.

The hell is this text message supposed to do? Are the women supposed to be spooked because she’s onto them? Is this a warning of some sort for them to stop sleeping with him? Is she starting a “We Fuck Victor Cruz” fan club and she wants everyone to be introduced to each other before the first meeting? WHAT IS THE USEFUL POINT? She just needs to hold a Pigeon Summit because this is the most bird behavior.

Victor-Cruz-Elaina Watley

Anywho, talked about it on my Facebook and the thread below happened.


Jabari: But looking at Victor Cruz, he seems like the type that only attracts birds so her behavior doesn’t shock nor amaze me…… It’ll just be funny to see how this plays out…..because there has to be one petty woman that texted back “So, sis, you do know I’m laying here right next to your dude while reading this, right?

Luvvie: folks probably responded by sending her peen pics of her man. She gotta keep that shit real cute.

Candice: She must not have read chapter two, paragraph three, fourth sentence in in the Community Dick Rule Book. Instead of putting her and them on blast, she should be getting checked.

Tira: #sisterwives whoops I mean #EsposasHermanas aye yi yi keekeekeeeeee

Rob: “esposas” also means “handcuffs” #spanishlesson

Tira: Well we’re gonna go with the basic translation #RosettaAndLorettaStone

Luvvie: Loretta Stone, doe. LMAOOOO!

Rob: i read elsewhere that the wedding is still on? seriously? she’s not breaking up with him because she is about that wag life, and he isn’t breaking up with her because … she probably has pictures of them using his anal beads and is afraid to be put on blast like eddie winslow was.

Peaches: Uhhhghhh….. say no to fuk boys! Even rich ones…. the herp is forever!

Marissa: The fact that she acknowledged that the two of them had TALKED ABOUT THESE GIRLS before (“he said you’re just whores”) is unsettling.
Like. WHERE is your pride?

Luvvie: Pride up and quit her.

Candice: Pride went where it could be appreciated. I ain’t mad at Pride for leaving.

YaVonna: Pride has been “Taken 5”. I have an unusual skill set, and am willing to help her get it back.

Jamelle: Searching Groupon for “Pride”. Christmas is coming and these clucks need a bundle.

Pam: Where is the charity clinic fund for ALLLLL the STD tests this woman needs STAT? I’m in for a dollar.

Where they do that at

Luvvie: SERIOUSLY. Like… I’m concerned for her Love Pocket if she’s willingly dealing w/ a dude who has a gaggle of trollops on the side.

Pam: AND she’s staying. I lied. Gimme my dollar back.

Luvvie: With interest.

Natasha: Oh come on…. Let her be great. We have to laugh at something amidst the craziness going on these days. Now, on a more serious note…. I’m thinking we should have a (potluck? Workshop? Webinar? Intervention? Google hangout?) for her. I imagine that if she knew better, she would do better. Let’s lift her up. #educationliftsallboats #eachoneteachone #birdfreein2023

Luvvie: #AllBirdsMatter

Yanira: #NoBirdsLeftBehind

Orsayor: I hope she saved this message in a Note app because she will be sending more of these in the future. IJS

Luvvie: Every week. She gon need a side chick mailing list with updates soon.

Orsayor: Lol!! Constant Contact and Mail Chimp has affordable rates.

Miz: She just as simple. she too old of a cat to be acting like a gatdam kitten.

Lisa: She put Cruz on the texts. I am UNABLE.

Simone: When keeping it petty makes my day! That text was toooo funny. She basically said – “hey sister wives and our husband. Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves”

Jennifer: It’s “Player Gets Played: NFL Edition” hahahahahahahaha!

Xstann: ‘Tew’ damb MUCH!

Ariel Texts

Queneesha: Let me find out she is going to plan a meet up. Is it like an AA meeting? Do they all get up and say, “hi my name is” and tell when and how they met, and how long it has been? Do they have a teespring so they can have shirts identifying each other? I’m jus sayin.

Jennifer: Let’s be honest though. They’re meant for each other.

Sharon: Somewhere, The Suffragettes are face-palming.

Harcher: She put in her time when he was unknown she not trying to give up alimony and future child support to some NEW jump. She was there first. It was a business decision. #noJudgement

Yanira: Discussed prior to with her attorney and accountant. Being the Main Chick is a brand these days.

Quiana: Her best interest would be to find a man that actually gives a damn about her. He could jack her up in a prenup or leave her. She ain’t guaranteed anything yet.

Ngwa: She ain’t trying to give up the perks of being an NFL wife…and she still wants to dance salsa…lls

Alicia: So, what’s next? Is there going to be a schedule? Some sort of rotation? A flow chart? What’s her end game? I’m sure most of them assumed she knows he doing his own thing. Where do we go from here?#StacyLattislawVoice

Marilyn: So what now?! All that means nothing really. It’s what she does moving forward. I mean he can get caught and still cheat, she can make a fool out of side chicks and he still cheat, and finally she can put all her business out there and he STILL cheat. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Katisha: Yet she is STILL his fiancée. She’s dumb as all the boxes of all the rocks in all of the world.

Jewell: Who says she didn’t confront him as well?

Keisha: He is the only one she needs to confront.

Janelle: I’m so so sorry I read it! Now I’m even more disturbed and confused… I have so many questions… for instance why is she making introductions? Why is she being so polite? Why does that message sound like a friendly invite? Why do they need to exchange notes? Why is the wedding still on? Why do I think these women will be her birdsmaids? And most importantly why isn’t she boiling hot grits on the stove?! #imdone #anyonefixit

Marice: Just sad that she might not think enough of herself to realize she needs and deserves more. Paging Iyanla…..I think we all know we will see her Fixing Her Hot Mess Life soon enough.

Tomesha: Where the church mothers? Why did she did she major in low self-esteem?

What the Fuck are you doing Cat

Kelley: Hello Barbara(s)….

Luvvie: “This is Shirley” face ass

Jeannine: Umm… fiancés that cheat become husbands that cheat. I’m confused by this. #whySway #whohastheanswers

Debbie: This shit is stupid. gave me a blood clot headache

Dowan: And she thinks she did something. Poor thing. And all the birds that are her friends were high-fiving her whilst preparing their subtweets and memes about her dumb tail.

Madrika: Well I guess as the head Sister Wife, she does need introduce herself and make the rest of the Sister Wives comfortable with each other.

Laurence: Well, at least they’ve got the phone tree set up for when the STD results start flowing in.

Lisa: How she know they in hotels though. At least ONE might be set up quite nicely … kind of like her. Ha! *jokes* But for real though. Why THEY gotta be low budget? Poor shang.

Niesha: In her mind they have to be low budget so she feel superior to them. Hell they might be getting the better deal cause they don’t have to look at him except when they want to. Id rather he single. I swear

Cherise: She has the “Ring the Alarm” syndrome. She said she’ll be damned if she see another chick on his arm

Niesha: But honestly im not surprised. Women do this type of stuff with men who are working as trader Joe’s shift leaders. We have to teach our young men better and teach our young women their worth isn’t in “keeping a man” and other women arent always the competition.


LMAO! Folks gotta do better.

Bless this mess

 

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52 Comments

  1. brenda
    October 7, 2015 at 11:15 am

    I’m trying not to crack up at work! #AllBirdsMatter

    • pbt
      October 7, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      I was done with the cat.

  2. NeNe
    October 7, 2015 at 11:25 am

    “heart sober us would not do” Im sorry but this gem right here is everything!!! Can you please write me wedding vows?! I just know they would be spot on, accurate and the total truth! lol

  3. Elipses
    October 7, 2015 at 11:33 am

    “I have so many questions… for instance why is she making introductions? Why is she being so polite? Why does that message sound like a friendly invite? Why do they need to exchange notes? Why is the wedding still on? Why do I think these women will be her birdsmaids? And most importantly why isn’t she boiling hot grits on the stove?!”

    **dead** **gone** **leave the Internet because I’m unable**

  4. Drea823
    October 7, 2015 at 11:39 am

    “Hello Barbara(s)” has me unable to maintain air for the past 11 minutes! I am howling!! LMAO!

    Thee best laugh I’ve had in weeks!!!

    #LuvvNation

    • Deja
      October 7, 2015 at 12:09 pm

      Right?!?
      I can just see her writing this text in a dark room while testifying to woman to woman…

    • Jae
      October 7, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      Hello Barbara is why I’m here leaving a comment. Thank baby Jesus for closed office doors. The laughter is uncontrollable. LMAO!!!

    • Kal
      October 8, 2015 at 9:17 am

      Omg…that nearly took me out.

  5. nicki
    October 7, 2015 at 11:40 am

    From what I read, Elaina graduated from high school at 16 and college at 20 with a double major. She helped him through those college academic difficulties. Had a daughter with him in 2012 and became engaged in 2014.

    Ok, I get it. She has been there through the thick and thin. She’s invested. But seems to me she is doing all the heavy lifting. Side chicks are side because they don’t have any responsibility.

    Real Gs move in stealth mode. If she is not already doing it, she would slowly be creating her stacks on the side so she can exit with something besides her baby and a Dereon bag. Name on house? Check. Car(s) in my name? Check. Name on bank account? Check. A separate bank account for me? Check

    • Corsette
      October 7, 2015 at 11:57 am

      This. She should have been building her Me fund and just making notes of his fuckery.

      • nicki
        October 7, 2015 at 10:52 pm

        ME fund. Yes!

        So many athlete baby mamas and fiancees love the flash. The jewelry, clothes, cars etc. And nothing is in their name.

        Opposite take: “Honey, I don’t need that Range Rover. Why don’t I take it back and get the Audi? That’s more me. No, you don’t have to do it. Focus on training. I’ve got this.
        (return vehicle, ensure new vehicle is in my name, and cost difference is deposited in my account)

        • Annette
          October 8, 2015 at 2:55 am

          Yes, Yes, Yes. Come on she is book smart, yet not street smart. Hope she has her own hustle and not totally depending on his money.

    • October 7, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      Thank you ma’am. Take a page from that Katie Holmes “How to leave him in the dust quickly and confused” play book and move on.

    • Gina
      October 7, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      EXACTLY Nicki! Roll swiftly and in stealth mode.

    • Londa
      October 7, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      Co-signed.

      #GhostTendencies

    • Jabari
      October 7, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      Soo other words, she’s living in Melanie and Derwin’s life….

  6. October 7, 2015 at 11:40 am

    Reality show written audition!

  7. Sara
    October 7, 2015 at 11:42 am

    She said BIRDSMAIDS!

  8. jimmy
    October 7, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Victor is wrong. No way around it. He is waaaay disrespectful and disgusting. Don’t let people do this! How the hell were y’all discussing this shit like it’s excusable? There must be consequences (like loneliness). Leave his ass sitting right there looking stupid. Don’t look back. Also, I don’t want the other women to think that that shit is cool either. Stop willingly being side chicks, jump offs, hotel hollas-whatever. Just stop. You ain’t bold or cute. And Elaina, don’t settle for being his main chick. Don’t settle. You’re supposed to be his ONLY.
    I would have been happier if I read that you and your girls got together and beat his ass (just saying, I keep a hair tie on my person at all times. Ring me.)

    • Londa
      October 7, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      I’m thinking the problem is that our younger sistren have not read or watched Waiting to Exhale enough times. Had they done so – and seen Bernadine not only burn homeboys expensive clothes and trinkets, but set them mutha-sukkas ablaze inside his beloved vehicle IN their driveway WHILE she was looking like a freaking goddess; WITH NO DAMNS TO GIVE even with the firemen showed up to inform her of the “disturbance”.

      #EachOneTeachOne. We’ve got to reach back to our younger sisters and remind them how to handle shit. Lets pull together a scorned woman DVD collection and send to her. What else should we add?

      • pbt
        October 7, 2015 at 5:16 pm

        Tina chanting and then proceeding to kick Ike’s ass in the back of that limo would be a good start.

        • Mobaygurl
          October 7, 2015 at 8:56 pm

          ^^this! Yaaassss!

    • Kdr
      October 7, 2015 at 9:22 pm

      Real tears

  9. October 7, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Do you think he’d be dumb enough to sign a prenuptial agreement with a cheating clause after this mess? She really needs to cut her losses and find some self respect. Poor thing.

  10. Nesh
    October 7, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    “This is Shirley” face ass’ has me in tears. So Chicago! 😂😂😂 I love it!!

  11. Kelz
    October 7, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    I’m still trying to figure out how she got everyone’s number. Does Victor have them labeled as side pieces? Did he go old school and use an address book? How does she know she got all of them? What if one was his 2nd cousin? How she know?!?!

    • Stacy
      October 7, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      He gave her the numbers. From her text, their dysfunctional asses had a calm conversation where he admitted to cheating. She probably just asked for the numbers and he gave them to her willingly.

    • pbt
      October 7, 2015 at 5:19 pm

      Of course there’s always the sneak into his phone while he’s asleep move.

  12. Jen
    October 7, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Spot on Jimmy.
    First – she didn’t say she has known about them for any period of time – just that she knows. My take on it was she busted him – and then called him out to all of the b****es he was whoring around with so that they realized just how disposable and ‘not special’ they are.
    He’s gross. The groupies are gross. I think what she did is histerical and completely warranted.

    • Lisa
      October 7, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      Totally agree with your comment. This might have occurred right after she pulled her foot out of his behind. He calls Elaina his fiancee and she has every right to defend her situation. They know he is in a relationship. He is definitely an ass for sure but are his side chicks some noble group of women? I think not. They are (with his willing assistance) trying hard to poach her man. It takes two to tango and just because he looks for sex with others, doesn’t mean those girls have to give it up either. Every last one of his side chicks would love to be Elaina. Give this woman a break.

      • notconvincedgranny
        October 7, 2015 at 3:35 pm

        Is that what she’s doing? Clearing a defensible space around her situation? Because this less effective as pissing on a forest fire. Girl is already on a break – from reality. Time to get back, and please let’s lose the “any man is better than no man” notion. Elaina is a single mother; for the sake of her daughter, she needs to ignore the physical and get with the fiscal. I would say fuck him, but it appears he’s got that covered.

  13. Chyra
    October 7, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    I always wonder why they get engaged and married if they are going to cheat or at least have a monagamish relationship. Seems like everyone going into orofessional sports needs to have that financial workshop and the Dan Savage relationship workshop.

    • jinks
      October 8, 2015 at 2:17 am

      OMG!!! my side hurts!!!

  14. Ronkidonks
    October 7, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    That hair hat though! I know I’m petty….

  15. Kay
    October 7, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    She said f****** for the past “several months”. Look at her still believing his lies. Poor thang

  16. Shonda
    October 7, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Rosetta and Loretta Stone…#unable

  17. Klysha
    October 7, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…

    This is why dating a celebrity was never something I wanted to do. Obviously something about that lifestyle messes with your self esteem and makes you do stuff like this.

  18. Devra
    October 7, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    EvenJesus is doing a face palm right now..

  19. SoulfliHoneyBea
    October 7, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    I hollered when I read this: Tira: Well we’re gonna go with the basic translation #RosettaAndLorettaStone

    I’m at work. I couldn’t stop myself…that and this article had me cracking up. Life is too short to be miserable. I’d rather be alone and not stressed than chasing after a man and his heauxs. He wants them that bad–he can have them. I will move right along and keep it moving. I don’t have time to waste to be sending mass texts to advise side chicks that the man is unavailable. She should move on. Especially when there are so many alternatives to this situation. Mainly common sense.

  20. Tee Jay
    October 7, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    I was slain at the damn title… And I used the AED on myself only to go full cardiac arrest again reading this mess!

    #DisTewMerch

  21. Krystal
    October 7, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    When you tired of being walked over your entire life so you decide this is the last straw and you finally gone stand up to him…but still get it wrong. *sigh*

  22. Z
    October 7, 2015 at 6:23 pm

    But where did she get The Side Chick list from, though? ( I’m asking for a friend).

  23. jinks jones
    October 8, 2015 at 2:16 am

    i swear i was going to go to bed before i clicked on this post and now i’m hollerin like a stuck pic @ 3:11am!!!

    I really do feel bad for her doe. she obviously aint got no real friends or boy cousins to have a personal conversation with Victor.

    if she hasn’t taken over a bank account by now, i’m doublely mad at her. these young girls need to watch Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale and Angela as Tina Turner and take notes. Garden tools are going to be garden tools and you can’t turn a garden tool into a husband. Of course every side chick, groupie and 3rd string video vixen thinks she’s sitting on a gold mine and he’s the first man to strike gold. um no. Karma doesnt have an expiration date or a time limit. If his still fiancee is with him, i would urge her to stop picking up his damn phone and using the mail chimp app. it aint cute. Sometimes you gotta let it go… and walk straight to the local health department, cause he aint nothing but 1 pair of stripper shoes away from giving the gift that keeps on giving….

  24. Annette
    October 8, 2015 at 3:16 am

    This got me:

    “Well, at least they’ve got the phone tree set up for when the STD results start flowing in.” LMAO

    It’s just sad. I wonder when will she come to the realization that she must prepare herself and move on.

  25. […] the Awesomely Luvvie FB page | The post Victor Cruz’s Fiancee Elaina and the Mass Text Pigeon Summit appeared first on Awesomely Luvvie. Duplicating this content in entirety is expressly […]

  26. Pinkye11
    October 8, 2015 at 11:41 am

    I cackled so hard….She gives all the dambs don’t she? #nobirdsleftbehind. Hahahaha!

  27. TristanAXA
    October 8, 2015 at 11:57 am

    Has she not seen ONE episode of The Good Wife? Season 7 is coming. #BeAliciaFlorrick

  28. Tasha
    October 9, 2015 at 11:37 am

    Did they sit up there and say #AllBirdsMatter and #NoBirdLeftBehind?? I can’t! Then Pam asked for her damn dollar back LMAOOOOO. I’m done with everyone in this post lol, tew much!

  29. Shakira Harris
    October 10, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    Trader. Joe’s. Shift. Leaders. Although all of those comments were pure gold, Niesha cut RIGHT to it! Fools out here with nothin but a pair of Jordans (that baby mama #3 bought him with that refund check) to their names and bitches are ready to yank each other’s hair out over him!!! With no shame! Lawd!

  30. Angela
    October 19, 2015 at 8:19 am

    Her. Fucking. Grammar. I don’t know if I lost more oxygen from laughing hysterically at the comments above, or from reading her 5k marathon long sentence out loud.

  31. November 1, 2015 at 5:04 am

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    Past several posts are just a little out of track! Come on!

  32. November 4, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    […] (timelines) are filled with the extra curriculum exploits of committed individuals *cough, cough Victor and Nicole* There seems to be more blatant interaction between the wife/fiancé/main boo and the […]