Writing Checks Your Mouth Can’t Cash: The Vivica Fox and 50 Cent Story
Lawd. Sometimes, you just wanna pull some people to the side with a good Iyanla scolding, talmbout “Beloved. Don’t do this.” Last night was one of those times, because Vivica Fox went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live with the Andy Cohen and insinuated that her ex, 50 Cent, is gay. Andy asked her to give her thoughts on his comments that Empire’s ratings fells because of all the “gay stuff.” She says “that’s the pot calling the kettle black.”
And then she added “Yeah, he just looked like a booty-snatcher on that one to me” about the XXL cover 50 Cent did with Soulja Boy in like 2010.
OH? Oh. Ok den!
It was an attempt to call his manhood, which he holds at the utmost level of importance, to question. Because, of course, Curtis Jackson is the type of man who thinks being called “gay” is the ultimate insult. When you hold your ability to fuck women as the only criteria of masculinity, of course, you’d be butthurt by this.
ANYWAY, I knew this wasn’t gon end well for Miss Fox. The funny thing about when people bash their exes publicly after break up a break up is that I wonder: AREN’T YOU THE FOOL WHO DATED/MARRIED THEM, TEAM BAD DECISIONS? Be careful about dragging exes in the public square because most of the time, we’re judging you for attracting their crazy too. I wasn’t here when the whole David Justice/Eric Benet bitchassness was going down and those two salty summagoats were going at Halle Berry and virtually high fiving each other like the overgrown, petty asses they are. It’s been 20 WHOLE years. Overgrown and petty asses.
And here comes Vivica. You dated 50 Cent. On THAT fact alone, you should keep your humble. That was a bad decision from START. That dude is a notorious knucklehead.
50 Cent is the type of dude who you tell “your shoes are busted” and he’ll respond all out of pocket and call your mama a bitch. This is the same guy who has taken to social media to insult his teenaged son, as if he was just another random person to beef with.
His high road is FOREVER under construction. Don’t poke a sleeping bear like him. I just knew what Fiddy was gon say would be on some WILD disrespectful shit. The man knows nothing about proportional reactions. That dude ain’t found a fight he won’t take up. He’d beef with a 5 year old because he is IMMATURE.
What Vivica shoulda done is get an anonymous tip to TMZ and give THEM whatever tea she got so she keeps her nose clear. But nooooo. Now she dom gave his ass all the opportunity to snatch her edges bald and all I can say is “NOOOOO SHE WASN’T READY.”
Here’s the thing. You gotta know what is in your Barney bag before you start digging in it and taking it with you to a fight. Make sure you got all your best weapons, your main gun and some spare bullets. If Vivica was gon come for 50 Cent, she needed to come ready. Have some memes already waiting, have some footage of him doing trifling shit. Don’t just go on some show and flip your weave like you just did something.
That guy is the dude on the playground who will run up behind you and pull your pants down when you aren’t watching. IF and when you make up your mind to get his as back, bring super soaker and fill it with Mountain Dew instead of water, so when you activate it, he will not only be wet, but he’ll be sticky and if it gets in his eyes, they’ll burn. COME CORRECT.
Vivica did none of that. She just carried her ass on TV and wrote a check her mouth can’t cash. Knowing good and damb well she has given far too many opportunities for clap back. Between her years of wearing colored contacts and her botched plastic surgery. She shoulda kept this shit all the way cute.
Now Fiddy has gotten started on his clapback and I’m holding on to my wig for Auntie Vivica. This might get brutal. Because he already got started on Instagram:
GAHTDAMB. He picked this picture of her boobs looking like a toothpaste tube someone squeezed with their entire hand in the middle. Then they look at you funny for cussing them out for making the whole thing look terrible. And this is why you don’t like to share your bathroom space with anybody.
And this wig? So much wrong. She looks like a wind-swept bird. Aw man. This is TURRBLE.
Soulja Boy’s raggelly ass got in it too. I need his simple ass to SHARRAP. He don’t even go to this school. Ugh!
I just want to ask that they keep this fight as clean as possible. Don’t come for each other’s kids or mamas. Don’t make any rape threats. Don’t end up in jail behind it. With that being said, may the best asshole win.