I really feel like Jermaine Jackson is trolling us all, at this point. He GOTTA BE. How can one man be so clueless about how hot of a mess his hair is? Every time we see him, he somehow manages to make himself even more laughable. That is a gift and I thank him for the medicine of laughter. I already talked about how he got something on his scalp and it’s a mystery.
Last week, we saw Jermaine coming out of a store and everyone wondered if he just refuses to make sense on purpose. Look at this.
Bhet why, Jermaine? It’s like the Tin Man decided he wanted to get on Tinder so he stuffed his pants with socks and went to WalMart. He also made sure to debut his new coiffure boundaries, because why not paint your hairline to look like crucifix? Looking like the Ghost of Tacky Present and future.
Y’all gotta get your uncle. Jermajesty’s daddy and this ever-changing oil spill hair is killing me softly. And these leather PAINTS (no, not pants. PAINTS). Did they paint him into it or did he manage to defy physics and put them on? And what is with this bulge? Is he wearing a cup underneath? If so, has he been threatened with kicks to the balls? What is happening here?
Chile… I posted it on the Awesomely Luvvie fan page and my people, being as chill-deficient as they always are, went in.
* “But that circular hairline on the front. Its like he drew a doorway on his head where his brain should go. C’mon Son!!!” – ADC
* “I JUST said the same thing. Like a fancy doorway in a middle eastern hotel or something.” – DS
* “I bet he’s got 4 bottles of Bejin etched onto his scalp in this picture. Can the Jackson’s just go natural??? Please???
And he’s clearly forgotten where his hairline is “post to be”.” – ADC
* “That’s the door to Narnia.” – TH
* “I barely have time to curl my hair and get some mascara and a bit of eyeliner to my water line. How does this one have time to paint on hair and paint on pants?” – EDW
* “It looks like a keystone, maybe it’s his salute to Pennsylvania.” – MM
* “Oh Jermaine you use to be fine. Who ever gave the Jacksons group rates on surgery needs their license revoked immediately. And I want to know when Jermaine decided ramen and shoe polish was appropriate head wear?” – GT
* “What did Joe do those kids???Y’all, go hug your kids right now and tell you accept them as they are! Otherwise you’ll get this, or a man that literally cut his nose to spite his face or whatever Latoya is struggling with.” – JAG
* “The more you stare at the pix the more you want to sing “slide some oil to meeeeeee.” lmaooooooo” – KTL
* “Jermaine: “I’m performing at a casino tonight and need a theme hairstyle. Do you think you can make me look like the Ace of Clubs?”
Barber ((takes out Sharpie from apron pocket)): “I got you, fam.”‘ – AM
* “But why his face so tight tho. They look like the seats in my Daddy truck.” – TJ
* “Jesus didn’t cuss but you notice he always kept that gangsta cussin disciple around him…I’m channeling him right now when I say “if you don’t get yo ass somewhere and sat down’!! Dayum pants look like he pulled them up OVER a fanny pack…ughh!!!!” – KLS
* “Come on it’s not a sock, that’s where he keeps his hair care products he can’t go around all day without refreshing his do” – LGP
* “His hair and pants are cut from the same cloth #blankstare” – TP
* “his shoes look GREAT. i like the sweater. the shades are bangin. that’s what i’ve got today. christmas approacheth and Santa is taking note…” – KP
* “This is an endorsement for the California Raisins on their way to the laundromat with the Courvoisier bag filled with quarters stuffed in his pants!!!” – MHB
* “Don’t Jermaine’s hair remind u of a cast iron skillet greased with an entire can of Crisco?” – SR
* “Back in the day men knew where to go to purchase *Hammer* pants. Where dafuq do you go to buy tight ass leather pants that are tight all over and they have a built in big dick/gorilla nuts spsce included” – PS
* ‘I don’t know enough about the advances of black hair technology, but are edges supposed to go that far into one’s forehead? He looks like he’s going through a leisurely stroll through “The Capital” in the Hunger Games. The odds are not in his scalp’s favor.’ – JV
* “But why he get his spray on hair lookin like magneto helmet!!!” – RS
* “why did he do what he do when he did what he did to himself?” – RI
* “Jermaine – Your fanny pack goes on the outside of your pleather pants….. unsure emoticon #ChyleBye” – JB
* “Why is there just ONE slim centimeter between his hair line and his eyebrow tho?!??? C’mon!!! ” – KB
* “I’m seeing all of his 2300 Jackson Street in those pants ” – AS
* “He use to be so good looking..Now his face is leathery, his hair is shoe polish and the socks I lost in the dryer is in his pants…” – DG
* “But tell the truth , don’t Jermaine ‘s head look like your girl back in the 80’s when she was between salon visits so she slapped some that black gel on and tied a polyester scarf on it?” – MCS
* “Can you imagine the GOOKY MESS that runs down his drain when he takes a shower!!! His plumber is winning and losing at the same DAMB time!!!” – KFJ
* “Those pants gave me a sudden irresistible urge to juggle.” – AL
* “Don’t light a match around him. Between the shoe polish and the formaldehyde, I don’t know…” – GG
* “Can someone call Madame Tussaud’s and tell them one of their wax figures came to life? A line has to be drawn somewhere!!” – LWW
* “my cousin Reneaka just said he look like a hooded nutcracker!!!!!!!!! Bwhahahaha” – LS
* “Anybody missing their edges, Jermaine’s got them.” – YW
* “Master gave Jermaine socks. Jermaine is a free elf!” – KJ
* “What most disturbs me is the fact that he obviously put time and energy into pulling off that outfit. Time none of us can get back.” – KDR
* “His face looks like Claymation.” – BMW
I QUIT. I QUIT ALL OF THEM AND I CANNOT EVEN DEAL. LMAOO! Y’all couldn’t know behavior if it came up to you and introduced itself.
Whew. Jermaine brings out the worst in all of us.
I really need to make Struggle Hair a category on this blog. There is just too much of it around these parts. And Jermaine is the Patron Saint of Struggle Hair. Bless his heart.