Dear Stacey Dash, Who Knew Clueless Was a Biopic?

I have chilled on writing ex-actress and current Faux News mouthpiece Stacey Dash a sternly-worded letter for years, as I verbally chin-checked Raven-Symone. So this is overdue. Besides, so many of y’all asked me to that I was afraid that if I didn’t, you might pitch a tent on my eLawn (aka my Facebook page) until I did.

She has tried it FOR REAL.

Stacey Dash Fox News 1

“Actress.” K.

Dear Stacey Dash,

You used to be my girlcrush. All I knew about you before 2012 was that your Black refused to crack, because you were pushing forty years old and could still play a college student. I wondered if you swan dove in a fountain of unicorn tears every morning. Your Black was glossy and luxurious as hell. People either wanted to be you or wanted to be with you.

But no. Now I realize that you made a deal with the devil that in exchange for youthfulness, he’d take your ability to be logical. Like how the Little Mermaid exchanged her voice for legs. You exchanged your face aging for senselessness.

You know how folks talk about the “Great White Hope?” You’re the Great Black Disappointment, because every single time you open your mouth, stupidity falls out. You burp idiocy. And it’s either you’re doing it on purpose to troll us OR you were the prototype for the Child Left Behind that Dubya tried to save.

I do not understand how one person could be so out of touch that they’re a caricature of coon. Some of the things you’ve been saying in these last 5 years are so imbecilic that I’m pretty sure you’re the long lost niece of Uncle Ruckus. Self-hate is a summagoat, and you are swimming in it.

Nene Girl Bye gif

First, you endorsed Mitt Romney as president of the United States, against Barack Obama. That’s when I was like “WAYMENT. Stacey Dash ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, huh?” It was my first inkling. Black folks are not a monolith, and we do not all have the same politics and we do not all have to be Liberals. But you’re so far right that your views show contempt for your own skinfolk.

The things you say about race, police brutality, politics are so out of pocket that your family has disowned you for being a dumb ass. Your cousin Damon Dash distanced himself from you. You can’t even use Mrs. Dash seasoning on your chicken. You are no longer allowed. See your life.

When Fox News hired you to be a contributor on their network, I knew it was a wrap then. That’s where sound judgment goes to die.

The latest from you are your remarks about the boycott of the Oscars happening, and you once again talked from the side of your mouth. Here’s the clip:

“Either we want to have segregation or integration. If we don’t want segregation, then we need to get rid of channels like BET and the BET Awards and the Image Awards where you’re only awarded if you’re Black. If it were the other way around, we would be up in arms…Just like there shouldn’t be a Black History Month. We’re Americans. Period.” 

It IS the other way around, goof!!! These mainstream award shows ARE supposed to be integrated and STILL white people are only awarding other white people. THAT IS THE POINT, dustbucket! How is someone in the skin you’re in so uninformed about the reality of race, systemic exclusion and dynamics of power?

I don’t… I can’t… I won’t… because what you have here is a tool of sinning. You just want me to cuss to high heavens and low hells, because ain’t no way I’m supposed to hear that and the veins in my neck don’t make a cameo.

I want to believe that you are the Troll of the Universe. Because otherwise, you’re just dizzy as fucque. BET shouldn’t exist? Girl, you tried it. Which is why when they clapped back on Twitter, I GUFFAWED. It was perfect and I was proud.

Stacey Dash BET Clapback

Give whoever did this a raise this moment, BET.

People got shorter memories than goldfish outchea. Who else was giving you checks after Clueless, Stacey? WHO? It surely wasn’t NBC. Your acting career is stale so you’d think you would know better than bite one of the few hands that feeds you. The last “acting” project I remember you in was as the video girl in Kanye West’s “All Falls Down.” Instead, you just continue to show that self-awareness is mad busy. 

Let’s not even bring up the fact that you’ve been on the cover of KING Magazine AND Heart & Soul, two Black publications. Vogue ain’t ever invite you to grace their covers. Elle Magazine is probably like “Who is Stacey Dash?” But you wanna talk about how we don’t need “segregation.” These white folks ain’t checking for you for anything but to let you make a fool of yourself on their crappy news network, ma’am.

I don’t understand, and I don’t even have the time to talk about how wrong your statements are. If you and Don Lemon (the high fructose corn syrup of journalism) walk into a room at the same time, the space-time continuum might collapse in itself from peak daftness. Throw in Raven-Symone and y’all might prematurely trigger the apocalypse.

You’ve cemented your place as That Black Person That Cannot Be Invited To The Annual Barbeque Because She Doesn’t Like Being Black. At this point, I’d vouch for Rachel Dolezal the Undercover Sista before I make you my plus one. You can’t sit with us and you surely can’t eat Aunty’s special tater salad. You are no longer welcome.

And we’ve tried to trade you in the racial draft but white folks have told us that they don’t want you either. By white folks, I mean my friend Scott.

white delegation Stacey Dash

So what now? Where do you go, Stacey? You don’t wanna be Black but you surely ain’t white either.

What is sad is that you’re trying to play the Good Black, pandering to Conservatives who aren’t even just right-wingers, but downright racist pricks. When you walk out those rooms after shucking and jiving, they’re probably calling you everything but a child of God. Try as you may, you’ll never be white. Be as respectable as you want, and they can still cut you down to size with one word. Bend over backwards to be the “exception” yet many of them will still see you as one of the things that don’t belong.

Uncle Ruckus Prayer

And don’t take those natural blessings of melanin for granted. If Harriet, Sojourner, Frederick and them see fit, you might wake up and find some deep crevices in that face. Your Black might crumble one day. Pretty is temporary so whatcha got to take it’s place? Cuz lately, I’ve been seeing your pores on HD and the ancestors might have already started on Operation Pull Her Pretty. I’m just saying.

I just didn’t realize that Clueless was a biopic.

Yours in Head Shaking,

Luvvie

P.S. The new haircut is cute, doe.


If you’re new here, you should read my Glossary of Random Things I Say.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • LOTY January 21, 2016, 2:30 am

    Thank you, GeeZUS & Luvvie! AMEN!
    (Uncle Ruckus & the pulling of the Mrs. Dash card…luvvin’ it!! YASSS!)
    Continued Blessings,
    LOTY

    • Ms Tang January 21, 2016, 11:55 am

      Yezzerrr! I hope someone mails her, fedex, ups, spu, her some dayum sense!! I think she is related to Sarah Dash, that was part of Patti Labelle’s group as well. She needs to sit down with an elder in the church, hood, nursing home, street, somewhere and get a clue because she is clueless!! She should be in embrassed but she isn’t!
      I know its embarrassed but it just sounds right embrassed, take off anything shiny or of color away from her!

  • TooOldForThis January 21, 2016, 2:41 am

    Huh??!! What she say? I need breadcrumbs to follow the trail to logic. What does Barack Obama being being funded by the liberals in Hollywood have to do with the Oscars?

    • Everlea January 21, 2016, 7:58 am

      Yeah… I was trying to follow that, too. The man asked about The Oscars and she goes into Obama and Hollywood. That’s like someone asking me about my haircut and I start taking about oil changes.

      • phillygirl January 21, 2016, 10:01 am

        She’s like one of those foreign call center people you get when you call AAA or CONcast Cable’s help desk….she has a script and that’s all she knows are the buzz words she’s been trained to say–hers are Obama and Liberals. She doesn’t know what they mean, but they’re on the paper she was given at orientation.

  • Wendylous January 21, 2016, 2:42 am

    Great read!!!
    Those pores have been MUY GRANDE since Clueless. She’s sad and ridiculous. A lot of white people and wanna be white people love highlighting how Blacks have their OWN channel, magazine, colleges, etc. They tend to forget that at one point we had no alternative. We still have no shows on any channel representing us. Our photos weren’t placed in THEIR magazines and we couldn’t attend THEIR colleges. If ever you need to see the scope or racism, take into account that we’re STILL not in THEIR magazines. This is how much regard they DON’T have for us today. And then this big pored, ditzy, dizzy bitch co-signs it. She is the worst and most sorry thing out here. It makes me sad that trash gets a platform and elects to disrespect herself and of course the people who look like her.
    For shame.

  • K N January 21, 2016, 3:13 am

    The BET clap back was priceless! lol Just like most of the topics Stacey Dash chimes in about it doesnt affect her in “Her World/Bubble” she lives in. She’s an actress that knowingly hasnt done anything Oscar worthy so she could never understand the mentality, hardwork, talent, etc of those that do and become frustrated by the lack of recognition. (Btw my stmt doesnt include Will Smith in Concussion. He and Jada can hang that foolishness up! ijs lol) As beautiful as Stacey Dash is on the outside she is downright poison; a danger to herself and others! She constantly bites the hand that feeds her when that hand is black. Her logic in every topic she voices her opinion is the epitome of the term “House N*gg*r”! I even hate to think along those lines but we all know that if it were still slavery she would be the one in the doorway yelling to “Masta”; while pointing in the direction the slave ran away! ijs She just breaks my heart every time she opens her damn mouth! Damn Stacey please open your eyes and DO BETTER! Smh

    • May January 26, 2016, 9:48 pm

      And she does realize that she torpedoed her bridge to the Black community, right? She know BET won’t be answering none of her calls once Fox lets her go, right? She better be saving up her pennies until that Clueless reunion starts taping.

    • Rachel February 11, 2016, 8:45 am

      “She’s an actress that knowingly hasnt done anything Oscar worthy so she could never understand the mentality, hardwork, talent, etc of those that do and become frustrated by the lack of recognition. ”

      I think that’s what irks me most! Does she think that Black actors and actresses just aren’t good enough and that’s why they aren’t getting Oscars?? Cause that’s almost as gross to think about

  • Meeks January 21, 2016, 3:21 am

    LUVVIE (you prolly won’t read this) BUT…
    GIRL I JUST GOT MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE READING THIS! Not to mention the fact that I died at LEAST 5 times WHILST reading it. Honey somebody seriously needs to forward this to Stacey Dash so that she can commence to “getting her clueless life together.” She needs a designated checker, kinda like a designated driver for drunks, and what better person to be nominated than you. HUNTY you read her from galaxy to galaxy! I love reading, watching, following, Periscoping, FB Living….ANYTHING you post simply because I know I’m gone HOLLA! Blessings to you…peace!

    • Awesomely Luvvie January 21, 2016, 3:29 am

      Hell yeah I read this! 😀

      • K N January 21, 2016, 3:39 am

        LOL…YOU DID THAT!!! I shared this some of everywhere.

  • Damar January 21, 2016, 3:24 am

    Luvvie! Luvving you all the way from Nairobi, Kenya.

    Signed yours truly,
    Non-American BLACK African

    • Kangai January 21, 2016, 10:43 am

      LOL! Me too 😉

  • ykh January 21, 2016, 5:01 am

    I am born anew in the “read of a lifetime” blood of Luvvie!! She seems to be, indeed a direct descendant of Uncle Ruckus! You are the literary equivalent to #PapaPope and I am here for it! *praise waving for Luvvie*

  • T January 21, 2016, 5:13 am

    Dear Luvvie,
    You da real MVP!!! It needed to be done!!!

  • SomeRandom January 21, 2016, 5:21 am

    Why people always harping on BET like Telemundo ain’t a thing but ok ma’am. It’s all good til the paper stops rolling in because you didn’t wanna do Single Ladies anymore…

    • Purple Dove January 21, 2016, 5:45 am

      It’s called Univision but point WE’LL taken!

      • Purple Dove January 21, 2016, 6:07 am

        *well*

      • A Cas January 21, 2016, 12:00 pm

        Telemundo is still a thing too but no one ever brings them up. The Latino clapback would be hella strong!

  • TandraWilkerson|Thriller Mom January 21, 2016, 5:25 am

    Luvvie guuuurrrl you NEVA disappoint! This letter is the biz-ness and I, too, hope that little Miss Just-Plain-Wrong somehow reads this. Forget being clueless, this poor soul couldn’t get an idea if it was thrown at her. SMH. Dang Stacey… And I used to think your “you” was cute though. 😑

  • Ashia January 21, 2016, 5:35 am

    “The Great Black Disappointment” is right. And the sad part is that no one expected her to go out and start a career of self hate and degradation. She’s taking respectability politics to the next level. It’s like she got tired of being a perpetual teen and decided to become the token black person that racist white people reference when they say crazy things about black people like, “See, black people don’t like BET either. My black friend Stacey said so.”

  • Stacey Dennis January 21, 2016, 6:04 am

    Wait..heffa did you spend several paragraphs snatching her wig, just to end by saying the hair in your hands “was cute doe”?

    iCan’tyou…….Hahahahaha!!

    • Serenity January 21, 2016, 6:54 am

      She was on L.A. Hair getting her hair did. And it was not in the the Kimble studios. It was with white Jonathon Anton. Maybe tht’s how she gets her stringy white girl hair look…..

  • Kathy B January 21, 2016, 6:13 am

    Stacey obviously hasn’t had the Black experience that all Black people have had. She hasn’t been arrested, or shot at, or shot, or followed in a store, or pulled over to be charged with DWB. She probably hasn’t lived with rats/roaches/mice, or never had food in the kitchen. She might not even know how to throw down in the kitchen, but she sure knows how to embarrass herself and us.

    God sometimes sends strong delusions, and she’s fallen for the biggest one, she’s forgotten who she is. I can respect her for having an opinion, we all have them, but her opinions are misguided.

    • whilome January 21, 2016, 5:56 pm

      I don’t even think she’s had the Black experience of deep thoughts with her female cousins, kekeing in the backroom of Grandmama’s house, watching Roots and having that woke Uncle SCHOOL her on our history, or learning to properly cook a pot of greens in her mama’s kitchen. She looks lost, dazed and confused about life in general and her personal life is a testament to someone in perpetual cluelessness.

      And watching this play out for them whitefolks’ entertainment causes me to be both pissed at her and embarrassed for her at the same time. She most definitely knows her role, tho. Can’t argue that. And she’ll be playing it as long as Murdoch is paying her to.

  • Anniece M January 21, 2016, 7:18 am

    I died and will be buried a G for “caricature of coon”
    Thisssssss was everything, I mean everything.

    You bless me daily

  • Bonnie B. January 21, 2016, 7:24 am

    My first thought when I saw this story yesterday was “she is comparing segregation to the Oscars???” Someone give that girl a history book, please.

  • EnJay January 21, 2016, 7:42 am

    Thank you Luvvie!!! *applause* Also, I died at the hair compliment after the wig snatch. *cackle*

  • me3 January 21, 2016, 7:42 am

    What’s funny is… I don’t think she wants to be white at all. She is just literally clueless.

    She’s that kid in school who can’t learn anything new and when you attempt to teach them something, they resist even harder. Unfortunately I know a couple people just like her. All we can do is light a candle and pray for them because they are completely unaffected by logic. COMPLETELY unaffected by common sense.

  • Tasteful Tantrum January 21, 2016, 8:18 am

    The moment I heard “Stacy Dash commented on the….” I was like “Ah sh*t…here we go!” I am new to Awesomely Luvvie; you are my first girl crush! Preach!

    • Marcia January 22, 2016, 8:36 am

      I’m not new here, but I was thinking the same thing, “aw, here we go, my first dose of craziness with my coffee this morn’n.” Damn, girl, please take several seats.She is like that person that always gotta be on the other side just cuz. Ignant snake!

  • Melody January 21, 2016, 8:18 am

    The compliment at the end got me! LOL!

  • Shakeesha January 21, 2016, 8:21 am

    When they stop puttin African American on applications birth certificate and every public document then we become Americans Daisy and when you die on your death certificate is going to say black African American ok

  • SIPort January 21, 2016, 8:30 am

    I do not understand how one person could be so out of touch that they’re a caricature of coon.

    OUCH
    OUCH
    OUCH

    That is a true KAPOW.

    She’s just so ridiculous, it’s pitiful.

    Thanks for this skewering Luvvie. It’s long overdue.

  • Marki January 21, 2016, 8:33 am
  • LalaRochelle January 21, 2016, 9:07 am

    Yaaaaaas!! Someone needs to tape this to her mirror, make it the passcode to her phone so she can’t get around reading this! What bad enough was that the host seemed like he was giving her follow up questions that would allow her to dig herself out of the sinkhole that she created but she was all like “i know 2+2=5 cuz i heard that somewhere”

  • AJS721 January 21, 2016, 9:27 am

    Y’all know even that white man looked CONFUSED AS HELL when she started talking. All not clear on the nonsense she was talking about. Stacey you and your white girl name can have a whole sectional worth of seats \_____/ and an ottoman.

  • Sun January 21, 2016, 10:02 am

    Annnd the funniest, best Pop Culture writer on the Planet cyber slaps the s–t out of Pretty Please Dont Speak

  • Snip It Tool January 21, 2016, 10:11 am

    ned stark42
    10:38 AM EST
    Poitier only won once. I guess they all DO look alike to you. LOL

    notice how the phony liberal at times will reveal their own inner beliefs
    by projecting that ugliness on someone they consider ‘conservative’.

    in this way the ‘conservative’ serves as a vehicle to cleanse themselves
    of their own deeply repressed inner feelings.

  • RO January 21, 2016, 10:41 am

    Go girl – you are my new best friend and I’ll be visiting a lot more often! This is the news I want to know about and you put it out there for all to see. I should have known something was up when I saw that she moved over from Kim Kimble to Jonathan Antin for her hairstyles. Great post! Hugs…www.intheknowwithro.blogspot.com

  • F.L.W. January 21, 2016, 12:33 pm

    WOW! She Sets Us White People Back Twenty Years,,,forget setting black people back!!!

  • LicoriceAllsort January 21, 2016, 12:38 pm

    My dawg, may I never be important enough or clueless enough to bring the wrath of Luvvie on me! I got a second-degree burn on my scrolling finger.

  • Orisade January 21, 2016, 12:44 pm

    Respectable??? She wasn’t being respectable when she took her clothes off for Playboy magazine.

    • howlingbanshee January 27, 2016, 8:46 am

      Oh you didn’t know? As long as it’s Playboy, showing some skin for the camera is still “classy.”
      It’s only “trashy” if you’re a rap video vixen…while black.

  • Nancy January 21, 2016, 1:03 pm

    When I am so mad all I can do is sputter ineffectively I turn to you and your wise words to teach my children.

  • Bronxbabi100 January 21, 2016, 1:33 pm

    Anybody remember O.J.? Girrrrl, don’t get in no trouble!

  • Melissa January 21, 2016, 1:50 pm

    Luvvie…girl… I was wondering if Stacey ever realized that she was the affirmative action ratio in the movie Clueless herself. Okay gorgeous and polished on the outside obviously says nothing about the light bulb coming on. I was sooo disappointed when watching her this morning. NO BLACK HISTORY MONTH!? I wouldn’t know half of the inventions that we as AMERICANS indulge in today were from a BLACK person if there wasn’t a Black History Month! I know Stacey has maybe 2c 3a wave pattern in her hair…but ask her who invented that flat iron for that hair do doh! Madam CJ Walker would burn that kitchen if she heard these comments from her interview. Stacey’s retort was as “Clueless” as the movie. I guess she thought she would get a sequel to the movie. OH and by the way… Michael B. Jordan SAVE the Rocky franchise! After Rocky V, the sequels were just as bad as the Expendables volumes 1-21 ! lol STAWPPP SLY !

  • Makeda January 21, 2016, 3:15 pm

    Is she drunk? Im starting to think she is a drunk.

  • The Solo Dolo January 21, 2016, 9:13 pm

    I’m convinced Stacey is the person who puts those peanuts in collard greens that whole foods mentioned last week……Roland Martin snatched her wig too

  • Connie Payton-Nevels January 21, 2016, 10:55 pm

    This Mutha Fo is really effen “Clueless!” W DA F!!!! I sweater GAWD Luvvie my chest is hurting….. I heard about what that idiot said but I just listen to the interview for the first time!!! I want to fight her! I want to step on her toes then hit her in the mouth! I want to do the windmill on her azz!!! I want to slap that got damb smirk off her face! Several times when she spoke I absolutely did not have a clue what she was actually talmabout! I want to hire my little cousin Pookie and nem to catch her and give her a good ole fashion hood beat down! Fix it Jesus!

  • Georgette Connell January 22, 2016, 10:00 am

    TWD (The White Delegation) in the Official Delegation Racial Trade/Swapping Group on Facebook took Stacey from us for a half a bottle of Flint tap water. She’s now locked in some dude’s basement. What he’s going to do with her is none of our concern. 😉

  • Stephanie January 22, 2016, 10:39 am

    You burp idiocy. You can’t use Mrs. Dash. The best!

  • Wendy January 22, 2016, 11:02 am

    I’m going to need you to paypal me $225. I am unable to work for the remainder of the day due to the read you delivered to my inbox this morning. I might could have made it if not for “P.S. The new haircut is cute, doe.” How you gone snatch her edges and THEN compliment them at the same time????

  • Stacy January 22, 2016, 11:26 am

    YES, Luvvie! I have been patiently waiting for you to administer this heffa a verbal smackdown, I hate that I share a first name with this bobblehead, and Roland Martin also read her for filth…. Her black card has officially been revoked.

  • Shannyn January 22, 2016, 12:43 pm

    When she blamed the white out on Barack-really???????? Can we please trade her in for someone else?

  • Tiff January 22, 2016, 2:47 pm

    Between dust bucket and Uncle Ruckus-I probably shouldn’t have read this while my students were taking a test. *howling!!!!
    She is just sad. Oh, and pitiful. She is a poor thing. Lots of those in the world without a mike. Lol

  • STLOrca January 22, 2016, 10:43 pm

    “You can’t even use Mrs. Dash seasoning on your chicken. ”

    I’m wipin’ away a tear because of the beauty of this statement. The only way this could be better would be if Michelle Obama delivered it, although that might rupture the fabric of space-time as the very air molecules rushed to get away from the burn.

  • Tori January 25, 2016, 6:29 am

    Thank you Luvvie. You are loved and appreciated indeed! That was an EXCEPTIONAL Roast!

MENU