Last week, a woman named Flossie Dickey celebrated turning 110 years old. She’s been here since 1906, and has seen more things than any of us could imagine. That also means she’s dealt with her share of bullshit.Flossie has 3 kids, 12 grandkids, 20 great grandkids and 15 great great grandkids.
Cameras showed up to her nursing home to interview her and Flossie wasn’t here to entertain them or even act like she wanted them to be there. The video interview is a gift to the cantankerous old person who lives in me.
Miss Flossie is basically me and I am Flossie. I also aspire to take as many naps as I can but the way life be setup, it’s a struggle and people won’t let me be!
Her plan for birthday 110 was to nap in peace, eat one bite of cake and chat with her inner circle. It was not to have a microphone and camera shoved in her face all early. Then the news folks sent the chirpiest most perky anchorwoman for this. I’d be annoyed too. Like DAFUQ are you so happy about right now?
BuzzFeed did us a favor and GIFFed Flossie’s look of “why are you here?”
It also didn’t help that the reporter was asking her questions like she’s 5 years old. Y’all see how she didn’t even reply to a couple of the questions she was asked? She just sat there sipping whatever’s in her cup. FLOSSIE AIN’T GOT TAHM, BRUH.When the lady handed her flowers, though, and she looked at them like she couldn’t even be paid to bother, I hollered.
She ain’t here for our feelings and she has earned a right not to be. I need to get her one of my Giver of No Dambs tshirts. Lemme live to be 110, in Jesus mighty name. Shiddddd… I’d be telling people why they ain’t shit instead of “Good Morning.”
She is mad as hell at whoever set this interview up. It is 8:54am. That’s the first reason why this was wrong. It is the butt crack of mid-morning and you got her doing a TV interview. I BARELY wanna be up at this time and I’m supposed to be a young, virile 31. Imagine 110. Y’all better not even THINK about me, let alone say my name or set up some interview before noon. My dreams ain’t even settled yet at that time.
Flossie said she is tired.
ME TOO, GIRL. I’m so sick of people and things and stuff. I know you feel me. You’ve had to deal with over a century of boolsheet. I’d need naps every other hour too.
When the reporter asked her if she was excited for her party, Flossie hit her with a quick “not one bit.” Because you know she told them she didn’t want no fuss but they didn’t wanna listen. Now she gotta deal with Miss Perky and then later, all her family members, including the kids who are just gonna be making noise.
This is why her favorite thing to do is to have whiskey straight up.
Miss Flossie is the real MVP, man. She’s lived too long to give a damb about anybody’s feelings. In fact, they should thank her profusely for not cussing them out. She is so over all of us.
I love old people.
If you missed my ode to Miss Edith Childs, getchu some of that.