SCANDAL IS BACK, SNITCHES!!! I wrote a piece the other day on what I’ve thought the trailer meant, so read that. But let’s get right to it. I’m thirsty.
Dining Pope – We land 6 months past where we left, and Sally Langston is still being Petty Labelle on her little commentary show. Eli is at dinner with his daughter, who is rocking a bright orange dress. Off the bat I’m uncomfortable. This ain’t the Liv we’ve known. Papa is fussing at her because he can’t believe she walked away from the Oval Office, by dumping Fitz when she coulda been FLOTUS. Our girl said she felt like she was in prison, doe. And then he tells her “Jake has come home. You should too.” Is AirBnB busy? Why is Jake from State Farm now living with Papa Pope?? Lawd.
Liv gets home and finds Jake standing in front of her apartment. Here, she’s rocking a pink and red cap over her dress. She don went full Skittles on me in one #alphet. This is gonna take getting used to. At first, she tells him to leave but a switch went off because next thing I know, she literally jumps his bones and they hustle into her apartment and get handsy in the dark.
At one point, Liv goes on her knees in front of him and I thought she was about to see what that IQ do! HEY THEN. It was such a hot scene.
No Sleep – Abby’s phone rings at 2am and it’s a chipper ass Fitz, asking for her to clear his schedule for three days. Sir, why couldn’t this wait til 8:59am?? At Olivia’s place, she hears someone knock on the door, and she opens it with the chain still on the back and it’s Huck. Iunno why no one sleeps. They all need some melatonin. Liv is clear mid-coitus and she asks him what he wants. He says they have a new client that she has to come attend to. Huck has terrible timing, and Liv closes the door and Jake is in her living room, shirtless and looking satisfied. WELL THEN.
New Client – Olivia gets into the OPA office and finds out their new client is Diane Peters, the first female director of the NSA. Her home computer was hacked, and hundreds of top secret files were copied from it. She wasn’t supposed to have those files on her personal computer, so this is even doubly bad! Plus, the files being copied are about Project Mercury, the name for the initiative that spies on leaders’ phonecalls and texts.
The Gladiators determine that the hack had to happen from inside her home and who had access to her comp? Her boyfriend, Billy, who was a programmer, and has been missing for the last 18 hours. Diane is stunned, because she vetted him and did all those background checks before she started dating him. BUT DID YOU VET HIS PEEN? Aw man.
Mellie’s Book – The next day when Olivia gets in to the office, she’s in a black caped jacket and a bright yellow skirt. Mine eyes have seen the coming of the brand new Liv. All these damb colors! Anywho, waiting for her is Mellie Grant. She came with a giant encyclopedia Brittanica ass book and tells Liv that this is a book she’s wrote telling all her business so when she runs for President, her skeletons are out in the open. Olivia is all “NAWL. I can’t apply to your campaign on LinkedIn. I’m busy.” Mellie’s all “read this book, doe.”
Nice View – Abby gets a member of the media that she’s been ignoring to come up to her to bargain that if she stops ignoring him, he’ll make sure word about Project Mercury doesn’t get out. She fakes the funk and tells him she ain’t pressed because she already knows about it. She goes to her office and tells her staff to give her info on what Project Mercury is. WHO SNITCHED TO THE POST??
President Ghost is sitting on the White House balcony when Jake from State Farm shows up to join him. He has been summoned and his mission is to find out who hacked the director of the NSA and told the Post. He asks Fitz if he’s talked to Olivia and he says no. When the question was volleyed back to him, he says no, which is technically not a lie. Them two did not do much speaking. Tearing off each other’s clothes can be a mute sport. Jake then looks out unto the WH lawn and says “I really have to get myself this view.” It was his 2nd time remarking about how nice the view was. Fitz responds with “Only one way to get this view. Trust me. It’s a bitch.” And I started squinting my eyes.
New Wife – Another night, and Abby’s getting another call from President Ghost, who is clearly out here in need of a nap. GO TO SLEEP!!! Our girl rolls into Cyrus’ office the next morning going OFF. Why is Fitz on her nuts like this? Beene says “You are the new wife.” Fitz does not know how to function by himself and in the absence of Liv in his life and Mellie ain’t thinking about him, he has no one to take care of him. So she’s that person now.
First and Last – The Gladiators go to a house they trace Billy’s phone to and find Jake there. He’s there on President’s assignment, and he got to the phone first.
Olivia goes to Diane’s house to break some bad news to her: she is officially under investigation for the hack. She is extra hurt because she didn’t think Billy could have really hacked her. She thought he loved her. She thought he was exceptional because “It’s not easy finding someone when you’re a general. Men find my stars threatening.” Listen, Linda. LISTEN. She also makes the great point of “If the President fires me, I won’t just be the first female director of the NSA. I will be the last.” YUP! Way too true.
Scotch Friends – Fitz calls Abby late at night for the 3rd night in a row and she lies and says she has to go because her fake boo Leo is at the hospital. Really, she’s at Olivia’s house. The besties sit on the couch, and instead of drinking wine, they’re drinking Scotch. And Liv is wearing a cobalt blue cardigan. WHO IS THIS WOMAN AND WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO OLIVIA CAROLYN??
Antywho, Abby tells her friend that her ex-bae Fitz is tripping because he keeps calling her at all hours of the night, not wanting shit. Liv says “He isn’t lonely. He is alone. He doesn’t have anyone. I was the last person he trusted, the last person he had.” Pretty much.
The topic of Project Mercury comes up and Olivia knows she could fix this for her client if she called Fitz but does she wanna open that Pandora’s box? They haven’t spoken in months. After Abby leaves, Liv calls Fitz’s secretary Charlotte and asks to be put through to him. This is clearly to show that this is a purely business call. President Ghost, with a face all contorted in emotional anguish, tells Charlotte he’s unavailable.
Warning Moments – Olivia, in a red sweater jacket, acts all salty towards Jake in her bedroom. It’s the next morning and it seems she might be salty that her call was rejected by Fitz.
She goes to Diane to tell her the bad news, as President Ghost has a press conference. She’s basically being fired as head of the NSA, because she made a costly mistake by dating who she did, and he hacked her shit and leaked some top flight info. Diane wonders who her replacement is, and Liv tells her there isn’t one yet. GIRL STAHP. You out of the loop for real. There is.
President Ghost announces that the new head of the NSA is someone he trusts his life with: Jacob Hamilton Ballard.
When she returns to OPA, Quinn runs in and tells her that Billy wasn’t the hacker and whistleblower. Somebody set him up. Liv and the Gladiators go to the house where the cellphone was traced to, and she opens up the fridge. A body falls out and it’s Billy’s. JAKE KILLED BILLY! Jake is a gahtdamb snake. A FAHN ASS, SEXY ASS, BLUE-EYED SNAKE.
Papa’s House – Olivia figures it out and storms to Papa Pope’s house to go AWF! Jake why the hell did you frame that man? Eli tells her that Diane was weak and she couldn’t see shit happening right under her nose. She needed to commot from that NSA seat. Jake is sitting there all calm eating dinner and Papa Pope scolds Liv with “You’re standing on the sidelines screaming at the referee like a sad, drunk parent as a high school football game.” He’s pissed that she let go of the power she could have had as FLOTUS and he is hellbent on controlling 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. He says his “son” will get the power she didn’t want. Sir, you don’t even know your faux “son” is sleeping with your actual daughter.
Hotline Bling – Fitz calls Abby in the crack of night again and she hangs up on him, sick and tired of his shit. She shows up to the White House and storms into his office and tells him to stop being a spider monkey. With his lonely ass. He needs a hobby, a buddy and a puppy. She’ll do work that is relevant to her but “I’m not a companion animal.” TELL HIM, ABBY. She storms right back out and calls Cyrus to tell him she did something good.
No New Friends – At the OPA office, Huck and Quinn are on the computer doing spy shit when Marcus the newbie Gladiator comes in. He asks if they wanna go grab food and Huck gives an immediate nope. Quinn says she would but Huck declines on her behalf. OH OK DEN. When Marcus leaves, she asks 752 boy why he’s being bogus to him. His answer shows more concern than I would have expected. “He’s a normal person. We have to protect him. We can’t let him be friends with us.”
Try Again – Mellie shows up to see if Liv read her printed out Wikipedia book and she has. And it is boring as shit. Olivia says the book she needs to write needs to actually show vulnerability and it needs to be hard so folks can remember it. So that they can want to make her president. The current book? NAH, SON. Snoozefest. She tells her to call her tomorrow so they can get started writing that book. And I’m geeked because I want them two collaborate so they can dominate like the BAWSES they both are.
So just so it’s crystal clear, everyone gotta know that Mellie Grant is basically Hillary Clinton. Her ambition and her need to become President clouds everything else she does, and her motives are forever questioned because of this. Also, she catches flack for her husband’s fuckshit, even when it ain’t got shit to do with her. And people always think she stayed in the broken marriage purely for political reasons. On top of that, she became a Senator, and now she’s focusing on becoming president.
Now, I wonder who her opponent will be. If Scandal wanted to make art reflect life for real, they’d bring Hollis back as her opponent. A big insensitive, Southern, old money dude who is only motivated by his own interests. He’d be Donald Trump, obviously.
But what about on the same side? Well, this Jake being director of the NSA is clearly a ploy from Papa Pope to get him into that Oval Office. I was certainly side-eying the moment Jake mentioned the view from the White House balcony the second time. Now we see that he will be gunning for it.
Related, Fitz is DUMB, yall.
He makes things so easy for folks when they need to pull his strings. They don’t even have to try hard, because he lays down as expected each time. For him to appoint Jake as head of the NSA was so simple. Like I’ve been saying, the weakest person on Scandal is Fitz. He can be so useless, because his circumstances and decisions are always fully dependent on someone else. He is a reactive character. He’s like the unpaid intern of Scandal, and the worst part is that he thinks he actually got power. SADDOWN!
This episode, though. Olivia’s white hat is for real gone. We saw her toss it in the trailer but our girl did not even wear ANYTHING white, grey, taupe or neutral. She was rocking every color of the rainbow, Skittles-ing it up. She wore yellow, pink, red, cobalt, orange. I had to adjust my eyes. Basically, this ain’t the White Suit-wearing, wine-drinking, popcorn snacking Liv. Now she’s in Technicolor, sipping on scotch. Whew. I’m trying to learn what each color means. You know I be reading into it hard. Gimme 2 more episodes and I’ma be telling you what it means when she wears certain colors again.
If y’all have figured out what the different colors means, drop comments on it.