Listen. By now, you should already know that 2016 is turning out to be the Blackest Year EVER. I already wrote a post on how February was the Blackest Black History Month on the record books, and we have kept it going. Why? Because this is Black History Year.
It’s President Barack Obama’s last term as the first Black President and shit is getting so Onyx around here that we’re gonna need a flashlight to function in daytime. SO BLACK. I was at the White House for the BHM reception in February and they had a marching band greet us at the door, unlimited fried chicken throughout the event AND served Hennessey at the open bar. The pride I felt was unmatched.
It was just announced that Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. According to my girl Veronica Marche, we can officially call this “Abolition April” instead of “Afro April.” That is perfect.
You know I LOVE me some Araminta Ross. She is historic bae, and has always been. She gave me courage to roll up to a company who didn’t wanna pay me for my work. I put on my fave tshirt, which features her on it holding a gun, and showed up to their offices to pick up my check. I surely walked out with it 45 minutes later. I wrote about that: About the Time I Staged a Sit-In To Get My Money.
The Matron Saint of Take No Shit is about to be the first brown face on American currency, and the first woman. That’s pretty groundbreaking. People who are hella woke are mad because Harriet was anti-capitalism. Well, if they put the right picture of her face on the bill, we won’t be so quick to spend it. SEE? IT’S A WIN WIN.
Every time I’ll go pull out the $20 bill and I see Araminta’s face judging me, I’ll think twice about my purchase. This might be good for my savings account.
Her face here looks like it’s just saying “Now Luvvie, you know you don’t need to buy this shit. Where you gon put it? You don’t even have any more space.” And I’d gingerly place whatever it is back on its shelf because Mother Harriet didn’t approve.
Or: “Are you about to give these white people your money? Girl, you better spend Black.”
Bank teller: “How would you like this back?”
Me: “All Tubmans” pic.twitter.com/bnomuYfQLy
— The Notorious T.I.T (@BELLEionaire) April 20, 2016
YES! Rappers are calling their producers right now about making songs about how they make it rain with Tubmans. I’m sick of them already.
It’s just a really Black year. Next, I want there to be a federally-sponsored Spades tournament. I feel like it’s within reach if we talk to the right person. Who do we need to call? Someone send me Valerie Jarrett’s email address. I can put a proposal together and we can make this happen. I want Mrs. Robinson, the First Grandma to be my partner. She looks like she’d win a game with a hand full of hearts.
Someone is gonna comment about how I’m not taking her legacy serious and let me tell them in advance to sharrap and let me get these mild ass jokes off. We get why it’s problematic butttttt… yeah. TUBMAN IS ON THE TWENNY.