Harriet Tubman is About To Be on the $20 Bill Because It’s the Blackest Year Ever

Listen. By now, you should already know that 2016 is turning out to be the Blackest Year EVER. I already wrote a post on how February was the Blackest Black History Month on the record books, and we have kept it going. Why? Because this is Black History Year.

You need this shirt I designed. Get it on TeesintheTrap.com

You need this shirt I designed. Get it on TeesintheTrap.com

It’s President Barack Obama’s last term as the first Black President and shit is getting so Onyx around here that we’re gonna need a flashlight to function in daytime. SO BLACK. I was at the White House for the BHM reception in February and they had a marching band greet us at the door, unlimited fried chicken throughout the event AND served Hennessey at the open bar. The pride I felt was unmatched.

It was just announced that Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. According to my girl Veronica Marche, we can officially call this “Abolition April” instead of “Afro April.” That is perfect.

You know I LOVE me some Araminta Ross. She is historic bae, and has always been. She gave me courage to roll up to a company who didn’t wanna pay me for my work. I put on my fave tshirt, which features her on it holding a gun, and showed up to their offices to pick up my check. I surely walked out with it 45 minutes later. I wrote about that: About the Time I Staged a Sit-In To Get My Money.

The Matron Saint of Take No Shit is about to be the first brown face on American currency, and the first woman. That’s pretty groundbreaking. People who are hella woke are mad because Harriet was anti-capitalism. Well, if they put the right picture of her face on the bill, we won’t be so quick to spend it. SEE? IT’S A WIN WIN.

Every time I’ll go pull out the $20 bill and I see Araminta’s face judging me, I’ll think twice about my purchase. This might be good for my savings account.

Harriet Tubman Face

Her face here looks like it’s just saying “Now Luvvie, you know you don’t need to buy this shit. Where you gon put it? You don’t even have any more space.” And I’d gingerly place whatever it is back on its shelf because Mother Harriet didn’t approve.

Or: “Are you about to give these white people your money? Girl, you better spend Black.”

YES! Rappers are calling their producers right now about making songs about how they make it rain with Tubmans. I’m sick of them already.

It’s just a really Black year. Next, I want there to be a federally-sponsored Spades tournament. I feel like it’s within reach if we talk to the right person. Who do we need to call? Someone send me Valerie Jarrett’s email address. I can put a proposal together and we can make this happen. I want Mrs. Robinson, the First Grandma to be my partner. She looks like she’d win a game with a hand full of hearts.

Someone is gonna comment about how I’m not taking her legacy serious and let me tell them in advance to sharrap and let me get these mild ass jokes off. We get why it’s problematic butttttt… yeah. TUBMAN IS ON THE TWENNY.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Big Gay Santa April 20, 2016, 12:38 pm

    I’m such a fan of your writing.

  • Michelle M April 20, 2016, 1:22 pm

    Let the blackout continue!!!!!!!!!

  • Joseph L Louthan April 20, 2016, 1:31 pm

    “I want Mrs. Robinson, the First Grandma to be my partner. She looks like she’d win a game with a hand full of hearts.”

    No doubt.

  • Alicia April 20, 2016, 1:41 pm

    I am so happy that this is the year of Blackness!!! I want my next check in $20s!

  • HoneyDipt April 20, 2016, 2:07 pm

    Cousin!!! Folks are super mad about this, and I’m just over here giggling gleefully, like why you mad her face is on the money you bought her with? *Cardi B scrunch face*

  • Stacy April 20, 2016, 2:12 pm

    “Federally sponsored spades tournament” #dead

  • Beky April 20, 2016, 2:21 pm

    If we could keep a little bit of ‘Afro’ in our April, I’ll tell you about 62 black volunteer leaders from 28 states who gathered in Yosemite earlier this month for a leadership training by Outdoor Afro. We celebrated our connections to the earth, each other and our heritage with the National Park System – celebrating it’s centennial this year. The Buffalo Soldiers were our country’s first Park Rangers and they protected Yosemite from poachers, loggers and squatters.

  • Leroche April 20, 2016, 2:37 pm

    I live in North Dakota and CAN’T WAIT to throw down some Tubmans!

  • Mich April 20, 2016, 2:39 pm

    It’s about damn time we got that arsehole’s face off the $20 bill.

    • Olu April 21, 2016, 4:17 am

      But he is still on the back. Not replaced but now sharing

  • Serenity April 20, 2016, 3:02 pm

    Luvvie… I got 2 questions

    (1) I thought you didn’t play spades with people over 40?
    (2) Will your spending ban apply to your beloved Target?

  • Gigi April 20, 2016, 3:34 pm

    ….this little change to our legal tender and collective culture is making everyone of my ancestors happy….love it!! currency with a conscious!!!

  • Elle April 20, 2016, 4:00 pm

    “The Matron Saint of Take No Shit is about to be the first brown face on American currency, and the first woman.”

    Yes!!! The FIRST. And not the last. Let the crying and butt-hurt tomfoolery begin. Have the trolls arrived yet, or is there time to pop some popcorn before they stroll in from the comments section of stillinmymomsbasement.com?

    • Meaux Bradford April 20, 2016, 5:21 pm

      “stillinmymomsbasement.com”
      #dead

  • AA April 20, 2016, 4:03 pm

    Yassss! Having Mother Harriet looking at me when I pull out a twenny will truly help me save $$$! Maybe ballers will think twice about making it rain since Mother will be judging from those twennies!

  • Jennifer T Pierce April 20, 2016, 4:59 pm

    You absolutely make me laugh out loud and I’m white!

  • amd April 21, 2016, 8:14 am

    I think pocahontas was in a group picture on a bill from the 1800s.
    She may be the 1st woman of color

  • Cat Luster April 21, 2016, 1:06 pm

    “We get why this is problematic….”

    Thank you, Luvvie. I mean, can we have 2.5 seconds to enjoy the moment before we start digging into the plethora of problems related to it? Can a sista do a lil twerk before I have to go all Claire Huxtable serious, please? DAYUM.

  • Paul Glover April 23, 2016, 8:31 am

    The first paper money in the United States featuring an African-American woman is the 1994 Ithaca HOUR ($10 bill) honoring Beverly Martin, lifelong local educator in Ithaca, NY. http://www.paulglover.org/hourcurrency.html

  • Matt April 25, 2016, 8:36 pm

    Booker T Washington was on the half dollar in the 1940s, and Martha Washington was on the $1 bill back in the late 19th Century.

    But yes, it’s about time Jackson fell off the 20 for someone better, and Tubman is a fantastic choice!

  • Liza April 30, 2016, 4:04 pm

    Luvvie, I swear, stop making me look crazy. I’m sitting in Panera, and a few lines into your post I laughed so loud I turned heads. People looking at me like I have five heads. You are too funny.

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