The 2016 White House Correspondent Dinner (aka Nerd Prom) was bittersweet because it was President Barack Obama’s final one. It’s definitely one event to look forward to every year because he lets loose and roasts the hell outta Washington DC’s finest: the media, Congress, and himself.
My only regret in life is that I never got to go to Nerd Prom. Dambit. They shoulda had a bloggers’ table or something.
Anywho, as always, POTUS brought the heat! Being lame duck president means he has very little dambs to give and he is showing it. I love every piece of it.
I usually do a post on 10 best jokes from President Obama’s set but this year, I have to do 15 because they were all just that good. Watch the full speech on the Washington Post’s site.
15 Funniest Lines from President Obama’s 2016 Nerd Prom Set
1. I was a little late tonight. I was running on CPT, which stands for “jokes that white people should not make.”
2. If these jokes work well, I’m going to use them at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans.
3. Next year at this time, someone else will be standing at this spot. It’s anyone’s guess who she will be.
4. Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I should have been a little more specific.
5. “Someone jumped the White House fence last week. But I give the Secret Service credit. They fond Michelle and brought her back home. Just 9 more months, baby. Settle down.”
6. In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. Last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major. I haven’t done anything differently. Even my aides can’t figure out my rising poll numbers. *pic of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump flashes on the screen*
7. I have are appreciation for those who have been with me on this ride, like one of our finest public servants, Joe Biden. I love that guy. I want to thank him for his friendship, his counsel, for always giving it to me straight. And for not shooting anybody in the face.
8. GOP chairman Rience Priebus is here as well. Glad to see that you feel like you’ve earned the night off. Congrats on all your success. The Republican Party, the nomination process. It’s all going great. Keep it up.
9. There’s a difference between Mike Bloomberg and The Donald (Trump). Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth and he’s actually worth the amount of money that he says he is.
10. Bernie Sanders, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each.
11. I’ve said how much I admire Hillary Clinton’s toughness, her chops, her experience. But you gotta admit it. Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative who just signed up for Facebook. “Dear America, did you get my Poke? Is it appearing on your wall? I’m not sure I’m using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.”
12. Republicans guests were asked to check if they wanted steak or fish but a whole bunch of you wrote in Paul Ryan. That’s not an option, people. You may not like steak or fish but that’s your choice. Meanwhile, some candidates aren’t polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight.
13. YOU KNOW I’VE GOTTA TALK ABOUT TRUMP. Come on! Although I’m a little hurt that he’s not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. It’s surprising. You’ve got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras and he said no. Is this room too tacky for The Donald? What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he at home tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel?
14. The Republican establishment is incredulous that Donald is their most likely candidates. They say he lacks foreign policy experience to be President but he’s spent years meeting with leaders from around the world. Miss Sweden. Miss Argentina. Miss Azerbaijan. And there’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable, and that’s closing Guantanamo. Donald knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.
15. With that, I just have two more words to say: OBAMA OUT! *drops mic*
Because when the President literally drops the mic, there is nothing else to even talk about.
I AM MISSING HIM ALREADY. Seriously. When is the next time our president will be this cool? When will we have this swagnificence in our highest office next? Right now, we got Mom Suit, Crazy Hair, Squirrelwig McRacistpants and HesJustINSANE as our choices. I am not enthused.
Ugh. I am gonna be hitting gigantic *wall slides* when it’s time for him to leave. Like, take to my bed for a week and mourn what we had, type of sadness. I don’t want him to goooo.
P.S. Yes, I know Larry Wilmore said “You did it, my nigga.” No I don’t care and I don’t wanna read your essays on it.
P.P.S. Since it’s Blackest year ever, let folks know. Download the graphic below for your Facebook cover photo. Right click it, open in new tab and save. You’re welcome!