You may or may not have heard of the name Azealia Banks. First of Her Name. Ruler of Nothing But Her Smartphone. Maker of Music No One Can Name. Haver of A Lot of Anger. She is a musician (I guess) but she is more known for her Twitter beefs with various celebrities. She is loud, brash, bold and often wrong as hell. But she is gifted for standing strong in it.
She stays trying to come for folks on that platform, and last night, she ranted at Zayn Malik, formerly of One Direction. She felt that he plagiarized her or something and because she’s the insufferable numbnut she is, she called him a couple of slurs, including the F-word that rhymes with maggot. She is CONSISTENTLY out of line a and out of pocket, and this isn’t the first time she’s shown her homophobic ass. She also called him a “token sand nigga.” I don’t even understand. All she had to do was call him Aladdin to land that joke but SHE IS TOO MUCH constantly.
So folks are watching her make an absolute ass of herself when 14 year old Disney star Skai Jackson chimes in and says “Azealia Banks needs to simmer down a little.” That is ALL the girl said. Since shutting the fuck up and acting right is Azealia’s kryptonite (she’s basically Tyrion Lannister without the charm), she decided to go at the teenager.
Azealia Banks got her edges AND eyebrows snatched by Skai Jackson. I am #CRINE. This is like when your toddler cousin tells you that your wig is crooked in front of company. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO COME BACK FROM THAT? Nothing. You say nothing because you can’t. Just pack your things and go. Get the stick and tie a bandana that’s red with white polka dots and just leave.
Skai called her “Azealia Stanks” and I’m both impressed and jealous because that is such a perfect insult for her and I’m a little miffed I didn’t get a chance to create it.
This battle was won fair and square by Skai. We’re not even gonna talk about how invalid Azealia’s attempts at clapback were. Long after she’s done dropping mediocre mixtapes that her three fans listen to, Skai will still be collecting Disney syndication royalty checks.
This is also why the winner is Little Miss Jackson. The best ethers are the true ones. That “My memes are more relevant than you” bit was so true it hurts. She wasn’t kidding. Her memes are TOTALLY more relevant and recognizable than Azealia, who most people can’t pick out of a picture where she’s wearing a tshirt with her own name on it.
If only Azealia Banks put as much effort into her music as she does her Twitter beef. She MIGHT be prospering more. If only. For real. Has she ever trended on Twitter for dropping good music? I have been on there since September 2008 and I have surely never seen her spike to the front of everyone’s brains and conversations for doing some epically good shit. Whenever I see her name, it is guaranteed that she’s beefing with someone. I even took a poll to see how people know her. Only 11% of over 1,000 people who took the poll chose “Her music.” That is just sad trombone.
You know how you can be an asshat and still prosper? Be a SUPER DUPER ULTRA talented genius or be a white man. Since Azealia is neither Kanye West or Donald Trump, here she is at these failing ass crossroads. Uncle Charles ain’t missing her either.
Azealia is too grown to be fighting with a high school freshman. And then to lose said verbal fight so completely? That’s a real shame. To be honest, there was no winning for her here.
As for Skai, she’s already so SAVAGE at such a young age and I am here for her. I’m available to help her hone her shady ways. I would love the opportunity to be her Mr. Miyagi. SHADE ON SHADE OFF. But she doesn’t need me. This is how quick she isat 14? By 30, she will be skull-dragging her haters for breakfast without blinking. I am so excited for her future.
The moral of this story is: Be careful who you talk shit to. Yesterday, I talked shit to my personal trainer. I am currently struggling to walk because of it. GOSTA BE MORE CAREFUL.
Update: Ummm Skai’s mama has weighed in on this and you can tell that Miss Jackson came by her gooning honest. Her mom, Kiya Cole, told Azealia she ain’t got time for her foolishness and if she wants to see her in these streets, they could go. Ok I’m adding to it but read for yourself cuz I ain’t the one to gossip so you ain’t heard that from me (mmhmm).
Don’t come for Mama’s baby when your talent is a maybe.