In the last episode of Game of Thrones, Dany ended up in Westeros Shady Pines, Bran can possibly bend the future and Jon Snow said “NAWL” to the Watch.
I feel like this season is one of those where they’re going to bust a bunch of fan theories wide open. I’m excited about it. Anywho, let’s get into what happened in this last episode.
Dolorous Edd is talking to Jon Snow, shocked that he is quitting the Watch. Our bae says since he died once, he is no longer under oath and that he is going South to find some warmth. That’s how I feel during Chicago winters. How can he stay in a place where people he considered brothers tried to kill him? HOW, SWAY? Just then, the horn sounds and the door of Castle Black opens. Who is it? Sansa Stark, Brienne of Tarth and Podrick. THEY MADE IT TO THE WALL???? Color me SHOCKED. Jon steps out the room he’s in and sees his sister, who is now off her horse. The two see each other and run into an embrace and I get all up in my feels.
This is the BEST thing that has happened on this damb show since season one. Legit. This could have gone so different. Sansa and them coulda been slayed in the woods. Or Jon could have left before they got there. Or anything. This show never gives us good things like this. It was like Nettie and Celie getting together. Ain’t no White Walker, ain’t no Wall. Maki Dada. Can keep Jon’s sister Sansa away from him. Maki Dada.
This is also the first time 2 Starks have been in the same place since like season 2 of the show. They’ve been all over the place and never together. When the siblings are finally alone, Sansa apologizes to Jon for how she treated him when they were younger. That aside, she wants them to take over Winterfell, away from the grasp of the Boltons. She wants them to squad up and take their home back and Jon is not feeling it. “I’ve fought. And I lost.” ALL HIS LIFE HE’S BEEN FIGHTING. She makes the point that if they don’t take back the north, they’ll never be safe.
Ser Davos is surprised to see Melisandre hanging around so he asks her why she hasn’t left. She says because she will do whatever Jon commands of her, because he’s the Chosen One and whatnot. Meli is the reason for cults. She always needs a leader. Brienne walks up to them and shows why she’s one of my faves on this show. She’s petty like me, holding a permanent grudge. She tells them she executed Stannis AND she hasn’t forgiven or forgotten how Red Woman used dark magic to kill Renley Baratheon. Awkward moment alert.
Later on, they’re all eating and Tormund is staring at Brienne like a delicious steak.
Our fave Wildling MIGHT have a crush on her. Aawwww! I’ll totally ship that! Then a message comes for Jon, and it’s from Ramsay, basically saying that he better send Sansa back to him or face the punishment of watching him rape her when he finally gets to her. OH and he has Rickon, whose direwolf is now dead. For sure Sansa is now ready to take the North. Our girl has grown up and grown into some badassery. Old her would have been in the fetal position. New her is like “fuck that guy.” How do they do that when he has more troops and all they got are Wildlings? I’m not sure.
Oh and shoutout to Jon Snow’s man bun! HA!
The little boy (Robin) who used to be hanging off his mom’s boob even though he was like twelve is now being trained with an arrow and he is awful at it. The boy has no fight in him. Littlefinger, who we haven’t seen in a bit, shows up with a parrot and Robin is enamored. He tells the boy that Sansa was kidnapped by the Boltons and that they need to army up to save her.
Y’all know he was lying because he basically sold her to them. Robin agrees and the Knights of the Vale are about to head to the North.
Tyrion is meeting with the Slavers to broker a peace deal, because it’s “better to make peace with your enemies than your friends.” He sits with them and says if they quit funding the Sons of the Harpy, they can have a bit more time to stop slavery in their cities, which Daenerys conquered them for. They deny they had anything to do with the coups in the city, but he tells them to cut that shit out anyway. Missandei and Greyworm accompany him to this meeting, even though they don’t fully approve.
When the trio gets back, there are former slaves waiting for them, pissed that they dared to meet with their enemies. In fact, they hit him with a “who the hell are you?” pretty much and he said he is not their ruler, just the advisor to their MIA Queen. Anywho, he says he chose to sit with the Slavers so they can find some way to peace. The men are not pleased, and they question Greyworm, because they trust him. Missandei too, but she is a little more real when she says she doesn’t trust those damb Slavers OR Tyrion but peace is worth trying. The men leave, still unsatisfied. Missandei and Greyworm step outside the usual and question Tyrion’s logic. Why is he making a deal with those greedy summabitch ass slavers?
OOP!!! White savior complex on deck, Tyrion! Missandei straight pulled his card.
Little Lannister said it’s because he figures it can be worth their while if it’s in their best interest. The soldier says “They look at me and see a weapon. They look at her and see a whore.” WHEW. That’s too close to home. TOO CLOSE.
One of the goon nuns goes to fetch Margaery Tyrell from her cell and takes her outside to see the High Sparrow. Head Scientologist asks our girl where she’d go if she could pick and she said she’d go see her family. Before he lets her do anything, he tells her he used to be a partying frat boy before he got saved. Yeah yeah. She still gotta atone for her sins. Anywho, one of the goon nuns takes her to see her brother, Loras, in his cell. He is in AWFUL shape, a shell of his former self. He begs his sister to save him from the hell he’s in, which will be to take that awful Walk of Shame that Cersei did. Aw damb.
Cersei goes and sees Tommen and finds Maester Pycell speaking to him. She dismissed the old man and discusses the High Sparrow’s drunken power. The boy tells his mom not to rock the boat with the Scientologists because they ain’t all there. He then shows that he is truly Inspector Obvious by asking his mother “You don’t like Margaery, do you?” I literally yelled “NO SHIT” at the TV screen. This boy ain’t too long for the world. He tells him mom that Margaery is gonna do the Walk of Shame. She is that desperate for freedom for her and her brother. Gotta do what you gotta do.
Lady Lannister goes to the Small Council with an idea, and of course my fave Lady Olenna Tyrell is there to throw shade at her like only she can. “You have been stripped of your dignity and authority, what’s left to work with?” I HOWLED. I love old people.
You know Lady Olenna ain’t here for her grandbaby taking that humiliating walk, though. They gotta shut the down.
The plan is to get the soldiers of the Tyrells to come into King’s Landing unchallenged by the King’s Landing army so they can kill all the Scientologists. And no one can tell Tommen, because he’s a punk and nah. Kevan balks at first and then Cersei reminds him that his son Lancel is in prison with the Faith soooo he’d get him back too.
COOL. Plan is set! Something tells me it won’t go so smooth.
The Iron Isles
The boat that Theon is on docks at the Iron Isles and he walks into his home for the first time in years. “Hush up you old fool. Theon Greyjoy’s home nah!” He finds his sister Yara, sitting by the fireplace. She’s not that pleased to see him, wondering what he’s doing there. She is pissed that when she sent folks to rescue him from the Boltons, he didn’t leave with them. They just died pointlessly. He says “He broke me. He left me in pieces.”
And she counters with “I know. He sent some of those pieces to us.” Well shit. So what do you want, Theon? Why did you come back? He wants Yara to rule the Iron Isles and he helps her.
Ramsay is being the little creep that he is when Osha enters his study. He has sent for her and she seems to be showered and cleaned up. He asked her why he should find her useful at all and she says she can give him what he wants, what all men want. She straddles him and they start kissing. There’s a knife just beyond her reach on the table. She starts talmbout how she doesn’t fuck with the Starks really and he is eating it all up. Until he says that he knows exactly who’s been helping them, because Theon let him know everything. He grabs the knife and stabs Osha in the throat. She falls to the floor, dead. And I yell NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Osha, though? Already? Damb. We ain’t seen her in 3 seasons and she came back just to die immejately. UGHHHH!!! Fucking Ramsay, man.
Jorah and Daario are now making their way to the Dothraki to save the Mother of Dragons and they see it in the distance. Mormont is more winded than usual. When they see the Temple of the Doth Khaleesis, Jorah says they need to de-weapon so if they are seen, they can say they’re merchants. Between them, they probably have like 10 swords and knives, so this is a BIG deal. As they do that, Daario sees Jorah’s arm, which is greyscaling more and more everyday.
The two head to the camp and are soon spotted by 2 Dothraki men who do not believe they’re actually merchants. Because: DUH. One of them runs to get backup and the other starts whooping Jorah’s ass. Daario runs off to go get one of their weapons and comes back in time to stab the one who was about to kill Jorah. He then bashes his head in with a rock so his death won’t look so clean.
Over at the Westeros Shady Pines, the oldest woman seems to be enjoying telling Daenerys that her best case was ending up with them but the men really decide where she will be. One of the younger ex-Khaleesis mentions how her Khal scooped her up when she was 12, so by 13 she had her first child and her Khal broke her ribs. Ouch.
Dany and the girl go outside for a hot second and Jorah and Daario pop up outta nowhere. Jorah puts a knife to the other girl’s neck and Dany tells them to be gentle. They want to grab the Mother of Dragons and make a run for it but she says that wouldn’t work. The place is surrounded.
Daenerys walks into the temple where the men who will decide her fate are. It’s a bunch of knuckleheads and the Khal, but our girl is looking unbothered, unbought and unbowed.
She calmly starts knocking down the standing fire torches, and the Dothraki men are screaming as they’re lit on fire. She’s flipping fiery tables and burning the place up. Finally, she turns to the Khal and drops the last torch his way and he is LIT UP. It is literally LIT. KHAL BARBEQUE.
The Dothrakis see the Temple burning and they crowd in front of it. The entire place is ablaze, and surely everyone in there is deader than dead. That’s what they thought, until a silhouetted figure emerges, butt naked and BAWSE-like. Daenerys Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Mother of Dragons, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals, the Breaker of Chains, the Unburnt, walks out of the burnt building, edges and everything else still intact.
YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! BOW DOWN, BITCHES!
The Dothrakis, including the widowed Khaleesis, do just that. Jorah and Daario walk up, and this is Daario’s first time seeing this. He is shocked. STUNNED. He bows too.
First of all DAENERYS AIN’T HERE TO PLAY WITH YALL!!! She’s such a bad ass and this fire power of hers is huge. Not being able to be burnt to a crisp is certainly a gift and where she was about to be a prisoner, the Dothrakis now know she is unfuckwitable. Also, now Daario can see why Jorah almost worships her.
Game of Thrones continues their 4-episode streak killing a character we might give a damb about. We hardly knew ye, Osha. Damb. So Rickon gotta fend for himself now. I hope he learned some skills in this time of absence.
Now, Tyrion’s deal with the Slavers is not a good one, even for momentary peace. I feel like Daenerys is gonna get back and be PISSED. He just gave them permission to keep slaves for 7 more years. SIR, how is that smart? How is that empowering to the people of Meereen? How are you gonna then get them to stop having slaves when that time comes? This ain’t grade school graduation. LAWDT. It was an interesting statement on the oppressive institutions that we let fly, all in the name of temporary and cheap accord. But what happens when people are sick of that? Revolutions. And I think Meereen is ripe for one.
This episode of GOT was one of the kindest ones yet. Siblings reunited and Dany didn’t get burnt. I’ll take it. Looking forward to what’s to come.