TV

Oathbreaker: Game of Thrones Season 6, Episode 3 Recap

In the last episode of Game of Thrones, we find out that Bran now has a 401(k), Ramsay is a bloody bastard, Tommen is prolly gon die soon and Arya is a blind bad ass. Oh and bae is back for real. Jon Snow is walking, talking and brooding with the best of them. I thought he’d be back this week and be a FAHN ASS Hodor, with limited vocabulary, talmbout “Me Jon.” I AM SO EXCITED. I just wanted to get that out of the way. I’ll talk more about how that unfolds in the recap below.

Let me quit playing the bald-headed games and get into it.

Game of thrones logo

On the Run Tour

Samwell and Gilly are on a boat and our former Night’s Watch guy is seasick. Bless his heart. Gilly thinks she’s going with him to the Citadel, where he’s about to train to be Maester but he tells her he wants her and the baby to go to his family because he wants to protect and do right by them. Aawwwwww. This sweet moment makes me nervous because GOT history tells us that tragedy is to come. #LettucePray for Sam and fam.

The Cave

Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven are on another history tour. This time, it’s to a tower, which houses Lyanna Stark, who they’re trying to rescue, since the Mad King is dead. Bran sees a young Ned Stark and is told that his accompanying friend is Howland Reed, Meera’s father. They come with a crew too.

Ned 1 Ned 2

They get into a sword fight with a bad ass swordsman who single-handedly kills most of their crew, and Ned is as good as dead when an injured dude stabs that swordsman in the back.

Bran is all confused because from the stories he heard his father tell when he was young, he was basically a BAWSE who slaughtered many men to save his sister. Ummm… sir, you lied. Anywho, with the path clear, young Ned goes towards the tower entrance, and Bran cannot help himself. He chases after his father and yells “Father!” It seems that Ned heard him because he turns around and looks where the sound came from. Shit. Bran, stop trying to fuss with the past.  The Three-Eyed Raven pulls him out of the past and he’s pissed. “The past is already written. The ink is dry.” YUP. And to change one thing can change EVERYTHING about the present. Mentor tells our boy that he needs to be patient, because he got some things he gotta learn. Like EVERYTHING. Literally.

Dothraki Place

Daenerys is taken to the Temple of the Former Khaleesis. That ain’t the real name but whatevs. The women of Westeros Shady Pines aren’t really welcoming. In fact, they tell her that she ain’t special because she’s former Khaleesi. She THOUGHT she was gonna help Khal Drogo conquer the world, like Bad Ass Bonnie and Clyde but guess what? Nah, son. And after he died, she was supposed to have been brought there directly but she decided to go rule some shit and now she must be brought to some council to figure out how she will live out the rest of her days. IF she’s lucky, she’ll be back at Shady Pines. For that to be her best case scenario, though. I’m hitting a *wall slide* for the Mother of Dragons.

Meereen

Varys has summoned someone and it is a woman named Vala, who turns out to be one of the folks who helped the Sons of the Harpy slaughter a bunch of folks. When I saw her, I could barely pay attention to the dialogue because she looked like Kim Kardashian pre-plastic surgery. I was all “this woman got Kim’s old face!”

Chile, anywho. Varys talks about how he gets all the information he needs: by being nice to people and exchanging it for what they want. This woman wants her son to be safe, so he tells her that he already got both of them an express ticket our of Meereen. OK DEN.

In another room, Tyrion is sitting there bored with Greyworm and Missandre, neither of whom are particularly chatty.

Tyrion 1 Tyrion 2

Since shutting the hell up is Little Lannister’s kryptonite, he tries to lure them into a game of Never Have I Ever. I played that in college. You get so much tea about the people you’re in the room with. Varys drops in to give them updates on what he learned. Turns out that the mutiny in Meereen is being funded by the masters in the 3 different cities where Daenerys freed the people. Aw hell. So what do you do about that? Westeros’ Miss Pearl says “Men can be fickle. But birds, I can always trust.”

King’s Landing

In some dank basement, Qyburn the Mad Scientist is talking to some street kids and we quickly find out that they’re Varys’ little birds. WORD? He’s trying to buy them over to his side and promises them all the fruit and candy they want if they send him “whispers.”

The Birds

Suddenly, in comes Jaime, Cersei and FrankenMount, who scares the kids so much they immediately scamper. Qyburn tells Cersei that he’s trying to make sure she has “little birds.” Jaime throws shade The Mountain’s way, wondering if he can even understand anything, since he’s basically been lobotomized. Something tells me that’s gonna come back and bite him in the ass.

Over at the Small Council, they’re trying to figure out what to do with this crappy kingdom, weak King, possessive mother of the King (not Queen) and the robot Debo they got following them. As Maester Pycelle mentions the latter, they all walk in and he fear farts. I HOLLERED. His punk ass. Lady Olenna Tyrell is there too. She is always present for a good gathering and shading. She tells Cersei “You are not the Queen because you are not married to the King.”

Lady Olenna

BLOOP. I love her and I’ve missed her dearly.

As the Hand of the King, Jaime tries to force Cersei unto the Small Council. She sits down to join their meeting and everyone leaves, because NAWL.

Elsewhere, Tommen finally got some guts to go see the High Sparrow. He shows up with his guards and barks a little bit. It’s so cute to see him try to be authoritative. ADORABLE. He demands that the Head Scientologist of Westeros leave his mom be but the response he gets is basically “Nah.” Apparently, Cersei’s walk of shame was not enough atonement, and she must face trial. Funny enough, she is the one who empowered them so she is certainly reaping what she’s sown. Somehow, Tommen allows the Sparrow to convince him to sit down for advice, because he is weak AF.

Braavos

Arya is at Bad Ass Bootcamp, being trained to whoop ass and take names, no matter the fact that she can’t see. She goes from getting beat by the Waif to finally being the one doing the beating. Our girl is blind but she can fight now. Jaqen asks her “Who are you?” And she says “No One.” Then he scoops water out that well in the middle of the House. Remember it’s the water that some folks come to drink if they wanna die. He tells her “If you are truly No One, you have nothing to fear.” She drinks it with her eyes closed. When she opens them, her eyes are no longer cloudy gray but back to their original brown.

Arya 1 Arya 2

YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Baby Starks can see. BITCHES SHE’S COMING FOR YOU.

Winterfell

Ramsay Bolton has a visitor, and it’s a man named Smalljon Umber. Smalljon goes “Your father was a cunt” and I cackled. Roose Bolton can never rest. He also knows that Ramsay killed his daddy, because he’s such a bombastic bastard. Anywho, he spends the entire time shading the hell out of Ramsay, and I appreciated that. He wants them to collude to possibly attack the Wall, but since the Wildlings are inside, a fierce battle will surely come, especially if they’re led by Jon Snow.

Smalljon says he comes bearing gifts though. In comes two hooded figures and when the sacks over their heads is removed, we see it’s Osha and Rickon Stark.

Rickon

Ramsay wonders how he can know it’s Rickon for real, since ain’t nobody seen him since Ned still had his head and shit. They drop a sack on the table and in it is the severed head of a wolf: the direwolf ShaggyDog. DAMB DAMB DAMBBBB, JAMES.

Castle Black

Davos is seeing Jon Snow alive and his eyes are basically bulging out his head. Jon is still gasping for air, seemingly just as surprised that he’s alive as we are. He seats up and then tries to get up from the table he’s been laid up on for days, and as his knee give way, Davos catches him. In that time, I peeped a little yansh (ass).

Jon Snow Sits up

FREEZE FRAME. Heyyyy.

Melisandre runs in and asks him what he saw after he died. Jon says: “Nothing. Nothing at all.” Well damb. That’s anticlimactic. They ask him if he remembers anything, and he remembers everything, including who killed him. He says Olly is the one who literally stabbed him in the heart.

BUT OUR BOY IS ALIVE. He is rightfully freaked out that he got resurrected. I don’t blame him. Shit is weird. But shoutout to the real MVP, Melisandre! He gets dressed and walks out, where there is a crowd of Wildlings and Night’s Watch men waiting for him, also stunned. I was half hoping they’d bow down to him like the animals did when Simba was presented to the pride. Circle of Life AF. Tormund walks up to him and says the men think he’s a god. “The Man Who Returned From the Dead.” And then he makes a small peen joke, because bromance.

Tormund 1 Tormund 2

The Lord Commander (of my heart) got some things to handle, though! Later on, he walks out to a somber courtyard and walks up to where the traitors are standing. Four men, including young Olly are standing on planks, with ropes around their neck. They’re the ones who killed him that one time. He walks up to each and allows them to say some last words. One of them tells him to make sure they let his mama know upon his death. He gets to Ser Alliser Thorne, who takes the time to piss all over Jon for a last time. He isn’t impressed by his resurrection. In fact, he seems downright scornful. He says: “You’ll be fighting battles forever” kinda on some “so have fun, doe!” ALL HIS LIFE, HE GON FIGHT.

Jon gets to Olly, and the boy says nothing. He just meanmugs like the little shit he is. Jon is struggling with all of this, though. He takes no joy in what is to come as he walks to the main rope, draws his sword and cuts it. The wood beneath the men’s leg drops and they hang by the rope, eyes bulging out. It is done. BYE OLLY.

Jon Snow

Jon walks up to Dolores Edd, takes off his cloak and says: “My watch has ended.”

WELL SHIT.


Welp, his watch surely HAS ended. Because: contracts can be broken once you die the first time. The oath that Jon took when he joined the Night’s Watch says “It shall not end until my death.” Well he died so it is a wrap. He don’t owe nobody nothing, unless he had student loans. Then he still owes Sallie Mae.

Where is Jon about to go? What will he do? Is he headed to Winterfell? What about Sansa, who is headed to Castle Black to find her brother? I hope they run into each other on the way, but that is too joyous and it probably won’t happen.

This is exciting. With Jon no longer tied to The Wall, what adventures will he get into? He is following his destiny, because saving the Kingdom ain’t gon happen at Castle Black. Winter is here and Jon is leaving. Plus, I wouldn’t wanna stay anywhere that has people who tried (and succeeded) to kill me, even if those ones are dead now.

Jon Snow watch ended

In related news, I feel like the walls of that tower Lyanna’s in holds the confirmation for the very popular fan theory of R+L=J. If this is new to you, Google it and fall into the rabbit hole. It is seeming more and more likely, and last season hinted at it more than a few times. Plus that theory’s cousin helps explain why Tyrion was able to calm those dragons last week without him becoming BBQ Lannister. It wasn’t time for the secret to be revealed to Bran yet, though. He wasn’t ready, so I get why the Raven pulled him back.

Now, about what happened at Winterfell. A couple of people on Twitter were discussing that maybe that direwolf revealed really isn’t ShaggyDog. Is Ramsay being set up by Umbers? I am hoping that’s the case because sheesh! Can the Starks ever catch a break?

Anywho, discuss!

Previous post

Where Are My Scandal Recaps?

Next post

Why Won't Rachel Dolezal Sit Her Non Black Ass Down?

33 Comments

  1. milaxx
    May 9, 2016 at 11:39 am

    I’m hoping Ramsey is being set up cause, that evil fool needs to be taken down a peg or two.

  2. May 9, 2016 at 11:48 am

    I’ve been avoiding the Game of Thrones show since George RR Martin is being a lazy, rotund pooter, but I certainly enjoy reading these recaps.

    • Eyebright
      May 9, 2016 at 12:28 pm

      “…lazy, routund poorer.” 😂😂😂😂

      • Eyebright
        May 9, 2016 at 12:28 pm

        Pooter

  3. blackberry molasses
    May 9, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    i’m really hoping the Umbers are setting Ramsay up because… ugh. but we probably won’t see him die just yet, because he’s our new character we love to hate ever since Joffrey died.

    i’m still trying to be clear on which Umber was there because in the books, the head of house Umber is still captive of the Freys and his son died at the Red Wedding. welp, whatever. at this point the show is its own entity so damn all my book knowledge straight to the Hot Place.

    but, the Umbers were loyal to the Starks, despite Robb being a big dummy and killing Lord Karstark. they know he did it because of his honor. and NOBODY likes the Boltons. i don’t think we’ll see too many more houses of the North, but the show hasn’t shown how much THE OTHER FAMILIES REALLY HATE THE BOLTONS. i mean… being known for flaying your enemies (most of them are members of other noble houses in the North) and keeping their skins as trophies…so its possible this is a set up. that wolf’s head looked too small to be a direwolf. i wanna believe with everything in me that ShaggyDog is not dead. he ain’t do nuffin’ to nobody. we’re down to three wolves now: Ghost (Jon), Nymeria (Arya) and Summer (Bran).

    speaking of Arya, the show hasn’t touched on her “wolf dreams” and that saddens me. but there’s only so much time and money in the show budget.

    • Andrea
      May 9, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      I agree!!!

    • Brandy
      May 9, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Didn’t they kill Arya’s wolf after she beat up Joffrey?

      • Lisa
        May 9, 2016 at 4:25 pm

        no, Nymeria got away. They took Sansa’s dog Lady and killed her instead

        • Brandy
          May 9, 2016 at 6:07 pm

          Thanks Lisa!

    • G. L. Monroe
      May 10, 2016 at 12:49 am

      I was just thinking that Ramsay is the new Joffrey…

  4. Jay
    May 9, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    I just would like to ask where is Ghost? He was there when Jon rose up off that table like the 2nd Lazarus. I noticed Ghost stepped back a bit, a tad unsure as to what to do now that his people are back. He didn’t leave the resurrection room with Jon, nor was he at his heels when Jon went HAM and walked out in all his bae glory. I was just curious if anyone else noticed that.

    • Andrea
      May 9, 2016 at 2:29 pm

      Dammit, Man!!!! Now I’m worried!!!

    • Monica
      May 9, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      Gotta conserve those direwolf CGI dollars.

      • justme
        May 11, 2016 at 9:16 am

        lol yeah, it’s definitely more a budget issue than a story one imo.

        • May 11, 2016 at 9:35 am

          No, it’s a time issue. HBO spends $$$$$ on GOT. In fact, it’s the most expensive TV show ever produced. They only have 10 hours a season to tell this story and every single thing in the book can’t be told.

  5. May 9, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    Howland Reed isn’t dead. He and Ned Stark were the only two to survive the Tower of Joy. There’s a fan theory that when Lyanna gave birth to Jon Snow at the Tower of Joy (and subsequently died), that she actually had twins. Since Ned Stark & Howland Reed were the only 2 to walk out of there, they each took a baby to raise as their own. Ned got Jon Snow, and Howland Reed got…. (drumroll)… Meera. I guess the idea is that Meera could be Jon Snow’s twin sister, because they have the same dark curly hair and are about the same age. It’s an interesting theory, but who knows if it’s actually true.

    • May 9, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      Thanks! Will fix!

    • Char
      May 9, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      You just blew my mind, Miss Cindy. Twins!? I can’t wait to get into that tower. Why did the 3-eyed Raven have to ‘Tower of Joy Block’? *ugh*

    • Tee
      May 10, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      That’s a new one! But I’m here for it! It actually makes so much sense!

  6. Brandy
    May 9, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    It didn’t look like a direwolf to me. the head was small, their wolves are huge! I am so scared for Baby Boy Stark though. I am hoping Jon doesn’t get caught up by the white walkers either. In the preview for the next episode, it looks like Sansa makes it to the wall and Jon will probably be long gone. I hope Tormund can talk him into staying at the wall.

    • Michelle Schultz
      May 10, 2016 at 11:57 am

      That’s the thing Brandy..I said the same thing. Dire Wolves are huge. I’m wondering if Rickon, Umber and homegirl aren’t playing Ramsey Bolton. As for where is Jon heading? I think geographically he’s closest to Ramsey at Winterfell…he’s coming for him. I need Ramsey to die at his hand.

      Dany needs to stop throwing around her titles and show some humility. She needs to feel out a situation before she starts talking. Seriously. She would have a better place to operate from.

      Was I the only one laughing when the Unsullied guy (can’t think of his name) told Tyrion what they talk about when no one is around…really???? Patrol????

      And yeah Three eyed Raven…WHY???? WHY does he(Bran Muffin) have to learn everything in such frustrating clips? I know Ned heard him too. Bran can do what no one else can do. He heard him.

      • Lori
        May 10, 2016 at 10:42 pm

        Lol!! I literally shouted out “You three-eyed bastard!” when he brought Bran back from the flashback!

  7. LLJ
    May 9, 2016 at 1:36 pm

    Excellent recap as always. Now I need something clarified: I thought that Ser Kevan Lannister (Cersei’s uncle who told her off last season) was still the Hand of the King? He certainly was presiding over the Small Council with the pin on his left chest. He’s probably the only one (besides Lady Oleanna) who can get away with throwing more shade at Cersei and not be killed on the spot.

    • Lori
      May 10, 2016 at 10:51 pm

      I think you’re right. Kevan, the king’s 2x uncle is Hand to the King and Uncle Daddy Jamie is apart of the small council because he’s in charge of the Kingsguard.

  8. LJ
    May 9, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    Also, wasn’t it Howland Reed who saved Ned? I think that he and Ned were the only 2 who survived that battle. Oh well, that may be a minor point, but with this show you never know!

  9. IJS
    May 9, 2016 at 2:10 pm

    Forgot to not read this during lunch… Robot Debo almost had me leaving this earthly plane.

    I think the Umbers are setting up Ramsey. Robb chopped off GreatJon’ fingers (SmallJon’s father) and they laughed about it later. Plus, dude was like Bow? #BoyBye. They take take their fealty seriously and he didn’t now because he ain’t loyal to crazy ass Boltans. SmallJon was right, Roose was a cunt.

    Jon Targayrean = Bae. Calling it. I love he.

    Arya been dope. Remember, she’s like 13. She’s about to be for real bad ass.

    Why did Davos give Melisandre the equivalent of “thanks” with a fist bump. I was like can she get a little more love? She did just bring someone back to life.

    • May 9, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      You and everyone else. That’s what R+L=J is about

  10. Maureen Gallagher
    May 9, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    Robot Debo.

    I am dead and I don’t even watch this show.

  11. May 10, 2016 at 8:00 am

    I feel like I’m being trained by the 3-eyed raven! Give me a break already and give me the scoop from the past, don’t bring me back until i know EVERYTHING!….*sighs*

  12. 1chiq
    May 10, 2016 at 11:23 am

    I’ve been telling everyone that will listen that Jon Snow is the Lord Commander of my heart!

  13. Cbooker
    May 10, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    This recap was excellent! I think we got another slight hint that R+L=J. Jon definitely took off that big heavy warm ass cloak and walked out in a leather jerkin like it wasn’t snowing and cold as hell. Maybe he was just angry… But everybody else, even the wildlings, were covered in multiple layers. I think coming back to life he either lost the ability to feel cold or was reborn in cold like his aunt Dany was reborn in fire. Rhaegar being fire and Lyanna being the cold of the north. The song of ice and fire y’all!

  14. Chase
    May 11, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    Luvvie you my boo but you gotta put some RESPEK on Ser Arthur Dayne “the sword of the morning” name. He was known as the best swordsman in Westeros.

  15. Kit
    May 23, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    The badass dude at the Tower of Joy was Arthur Dayne, Knight of the Morning Light, wielder of Dawn. Best knight of his age, and brought a younger Jaime Lannister into the Kingsguard. Howland Reed stabbed the most glorious knight in Westeros in the back of his neck, as Ned was ’bout to face Arthur (and Dawn) alone (and fail). Ned will send Dawn home to the Daynes (in the books).