Battle of the Bastards: Game of Thrones Season 6, Episode 9 Recap

We have been in anticipation of the Battle of the Bastards since we learned it was happening on Game of Thrones, and I have been nervous as hell for what it meant. Surely, the 2 Snows couldn’t both live.  Like every GOT episode that is a battle sequence, this was beautifully shot, choreographed and just the perfect amount of terror to have you taking shor spurts of breath for 15 minutes straight.

But let’s just jump into it.

Battle of the Bastards Game of Thrones

Meereen

The slavers are sending fireballs flying towards Meereen and things are not looking good. Tyrion is facing Daenerys, yapping his life away and not really taking accountability for the fuckshit that happened while she’s gone. But what now? Dany says her plan is to kill all those masters and then go to their cities and burn them to the ground. I mean, I understand but Tyrion says “nah.” The Mad King did the same, destroying the cities of his enemies, killing the innocent along with the guilty. He says he has another solution.

The Mother of Dragon, Grey Worm, Missandei and Tyrion meet with the three masters on top of their hill and say they are thereto talk surrender terms. The slavers tell them that they must give the Unsullieds back, leave Meereen, and “flee Slaver’s Bay on foot like the beggar queen you are.” Oh you’re sorely mistaken. YOU have to surrender, not Dany an’ ‘em. They laugh when all of a sudden Drogon flies above them and lands in front of his mama.

Drogon is like "WATTUP, DOE?!"

Drogon is like “WATTUP, DOE?!”

She climbs on his back and they take off. Below, we see the other 2 dragons bust out their underground home and join big bro to take flight. They ALL start creating Slavers BBQ, burning up their ships and the men in them. The Sons of the Harpy are killing Meereen folks when the Dothraki men roll in and start slicing their heads off. YUP. IT IS ON.

Grey Worm steps forward and tells the small army behind the Slavers that they can either fight for these men who don’t give 2 dambs about them and lose their lives while doing it ORRRR they can go home to their families. Without hesitation, the men drop their weapons and run, leaving the 3 slavers standing there. The Unsullied says one of them must die for betraying the Mother of Dragon and their pact. Two of them quickly push one forward, saying he is lower class and not even really one of them. The man drops to his knees to beg Grey Worm, who raises his sword and in one swipe, offs the head of the 2 slavers standing. HA! Tyrion steps to him and tells him to go back where he comes from and be the town crier to “Remind them what happened when Daenerys Stormborn came to Meereen.” The man runs off.

YESSSSSS.

The Greyjoys have made it to Meereen and they’re standing in front of Dany. Tyrion is being petty, though, remembering that the last time he saw Theon, he was teasing him about his height. Well, the boy has gotten what he deserves four times over. Let go of the grudge, T. So what do they want? Yara and Theon have brought 100 ships with them from the Iron Islands, where they escaped from their uncle Euron’s grasp. He is building more and will probably be there soon to offer them to Dany. That and his cock. Oh and marriage. And after he gets that, he’ll want to kill her.

Dany Yara 1 Dany Yara 2

YARA GREYJOY GOT MAD GAME, SON!!! She took none of Dany’s shit, and the two have a slightly flirty tennis match of words. Long story short, Yara might want Dany’s cookies and Dany might let her have them.

So anyway. What do they want from the Mother of Dragons as they offer up these ships? They want HER support too for Yara to become queen of the Iron Islands. And “We would like you to murder an uncle or two who don’t think a woman is fit to rule.”  DASSIT.

They two women have a lot in common. Terrible dads who were not fit to rule, and they are both strong-headed women who want to rule but have faced detractors. In exchange for Dany’s support, they must support her claim to rule the Seven Kingdoms. Also, she tells them that they gotta bring some act-right back to the kingdoms, and there will be no more raping and shenanigans. Yara replies with “But that’s our way of life.” Some traditions need to be done away with. MANY, actually. Stormborn says that unlike their terrible daddies, “We’re going to leave the world better than we found it.” Yara agrees to her terms and they shake on it.

Yara Dany Shake

This is one alliance I AM GOING TO LOVE. They better stick together.

Winterfell

Jon Snow, Ser Davos, Tormund and Sansa ride up on their horses to meet with Ramsay outside of Winterfell. The Bolton bastard tells Jon to get off his horse and bow before him. OVER JON SNOW’S FORMERLY DEAD ASS BODY. He also thanks him for bringing back “his wife, Lady Bolton.” You fithy summagoat. Jon challenges him to a one-on-one battle for Winterfell, and of course, Ramsay ain’t about that life. He knows that he would be going against the best swordsman in Westeros. Besides, he has 6,000 men, and we know the Starks ain’t working with much but 2,062 and 1 giant (Wun Wun).

AND he has their brother Rickon. His proof, he throws Shaggydog’s head unto the ground. Ramsay looks at Sansa and mentions how he can’t wait to get her back into his bed and she replies with “You’re going to die tomorrow. Sleep well.”

Sansa to Ramsay

And rides off. And I cheer, because she “Bye Felicia’d” him. They depart and all head to the war room to strategize he next day’s battle.

Jon decides that they will make the Bolton army charge at them and they’ve made it so they can’t be attacked from the side. Tormund and Davos agree and head off. When they leave, Sansa is pissed because even though she knows Ramsay best, they do not even ask for her input or insight. She knows how he thinks, and here they go, not even realizing she can offer some value. Jon finally asks her and she says “Just don’t do what he wants you to do.” He likes to play games and he will do it to pull him in. And their brother Rickon? Well, he ain’t long for the living and her advice is that he might have to die. Just don’t lose. Sansa tells her brother that IF he loses, she will not be going back to Ramsay alive. KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS? Right.

Tormund and Davos talk about how they’ve made mistakes supporting people who were meant to lose. Tormund thought Mance Rayder was gonna be the Wildlings’ saving grace, and Davos thought Stannis was he chosen one. They were both wrong, and the lesson seems to be that they shouldn’t follow kings. But Jon Snow is no king.

Tormund goes to drink himself foolish, which is what he does before major fights. And Davos takes a long walk so he can take a massive dump, which is what he does. When he gets outside the camp, he sees firewood, where Stannis’ camp was before they lost that Winterfell battle. He finds a wooden stag in it, which belonged to Shireen, and he gets his answer of what happened to her.

Jon goes to see Melisandre and asks her why she wasn’t in the war room with them. She says she’s no soldier. He gives her a warning, that “if I fall, don’t bring my back. I’m ordering you not to bring me back.” JON BET NOT DIE AGAIN. HE JUST GOT HIS MAN BUN TOGETHER. She says that is not her decision to make. If the Lord of Light wants her to, she will have to, because the power to bring him back wasn’t hers, and clearly he has a purpose. Whether that purpose is to die in this battle is something she doesn’t know. Her advice to him?

Melisandre Dont lose

Don’t lose. Well, thanks.

It is time for the battle.

The forces are facing one another across the field, and both Jon and Ramsay are in the front. Across the way, Ramsay is holding a rope and hops off his horse. The rope is attached to Rickon Stark who he pulls behind him, and Jon sees his brother. Ramsay takes his sword and cuts the rope tying him, saying he wants to play a game by having him run to his brother. The baby Stark takes off towards Jon, who then starts galloping towards him.

The Bolton bastard grabs an arrow and starts shooting it blindly towards Rickon. They miss, because he wasn’t trying to hit him anyway. He just wanted to create the terror. Rickon keeps running straight to his bro and I keep wondering why he isn’t bobbing and weaving and zig sagging. Jon and Rickon are getting closer together and are about t meet when the baby Stark goes down, arrow to his back. FUCKING A, man. We all saw that coming. Jon does exactly what Ramsay wanted him to, and gallops towards the enemy line.

Davos gives their army the command to “Follow your commander” and they go in. Ramsay tells his men to shoot and arrows go heading towards Jon, whose horse immediately goes down. The Bolton army charges towards our boo and I just don’t know how he gon make it.

FIX IT, JESUS!!!

FIX IT, JESUS!!!

But right before they reach Jon, his men and their horses come charging by and the battle is on. Bodies are flying off horses, men are getting stabbed left and right and Jon is using his sword like the G he is.

I had to pause it and unpause because my nerves were TOO bad. It was brutal. Ramsay’s men, who are still waiting by him send their arrows flying again, killing both their men and Jon’s. Davos is still holding some men behind with him, waiting for the right time to join. Tormund and the Wildlings are all in the mix, killing as best as they can. Finally, he says it’s time for them to go in, and the bodies are piled up already. When Ramsay sees that all of Jon’s men are in action, he gives the command for his men to make their main move. The Bolton army, protected behind body size armors, surround Jon’s men, holding long spears and pushing them into a tight circle.

FUCCCCKKKK. I had to pause here too because this was just not even gon work. There was no escaping. Wun Wun the giant, who had some arrows in him already breaks (literally) some of the men in half to break their circle but there is no winning this, between the long spears. Tormund realizes this, and tells his men they need to back up. Jon is stuck in the middle, unable to move as the Wildlings start to try to climb over the mountain of bodies to get out, and it’s a bit of a stampede. Jon gets trapped under folks’ feet and starts gasping for breath. I was like “this man better not die under some feet.” Shit. Finally, Tormund sees him and grabs him up. It is looking like it’s a wrap for the Stark army when horns start blowing.

We look up and see Littlefinger and Sansa.

Littlefinger and Sansa

Behind them are the Knights of Vale to save the day! YESSSS COME THROUGH WITH THE COME THROUGH. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE LITTLEFINGER, YO!!! Those men, on their horses, come from the back and ransack Ramsay’s men. Ramsay, who never gets in the fray of the fight because he’s a punk ass beyotch heads towards Winterfell. Wun Wun, Jon, and Tormund run after him, because NAWL. You will not get away like this.

The moment Ramsay gets through the gates of Winterfell, they close it and tell the archers to get in position. Wun Wun bangs on the gate and starts destroying it as archers send arrows through him. He busts through it and one more arrow hits him and the giant falls to his knees. He looks at Jon, who looks like he’s telling him “thank you” without words, when one arrow hits the giant in the head, finally killing him. That was from Ramsay.

The Bolton Bastard says he’s ready for that one-on-one combat with Jon now. Jon grabs an armor just as an arrow comes soaring towards him from Ramsay. He charges and 3 more come but the armor stops them all. He gets to Ramsay, throws down the armor and proceeds to whoop his ass!

Ramsay Jon 1 Ramsay Jon 2

He punches him in the fact until it’s bloodied and the Bolton son looks like one more punch from Jon might MORTAL KOMBAT FINISH HIM. Jon looks up and Sansa is standing there and they exchange a look that tells him what to do. Don’t kill Ramsay.

All the Bolton banners of the flayed man fall off the walls of Winterfell, replaced by the wolf of House Stark, and I actually start to cry. I legit was in tears as the black and red was replaced by white and grey. Melisandre looks on, and Davos does too, while holding that stag.

Rickon’s body is brought in and Jon says they will be burying their brother in the crypt next to Ned. Aw man. Sorry, bro. Sansa asks where they took Ramsay, and soon she’s in front of him. He is completely bloodied and tied up, next to the dog cages. He’s running his mouth, talmbout “You can’t kill me. I’m part of you now.” She reads him for filth.

“Your words will disappear. Your house will disappear. Your name will disappear. All memory of you will disappear.”

Ramsay looks over and sees his dogs coming towards him. He says “My hound will never harm me. They’re loyal beasts” forgetting that he said he hasn’t fed them in seven days. Well, all that blood on his face got him looking VERY appetizing because the dogs come up to him and lick him a little. FRESH MEAT.

He tells them to stand down but they do not listen one bit. His face is the first thing they go for, and we hear Ramsay’s screams as Sansa turns around, smiling, as she leaves the dog to it.

Sansa wins

Ramsay dies in the exact way he deserves to, by mad dogs ripping him apart limb by limb.


THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SHOW. OMG I CRIED FROM JOY. THAT WAS SO SATISFYING. I don’t even smoke and I need a cigarette! I knew this had to happen but IT FEELS SO GOOD NOW THAT IT HAS. Ramsay died painfully, from the dogs he trained to kill other people, and because he starved them so they could tear his enemies apart after this battle. It was perfect. And Sansa got to see it, giving her closure because he has caused her so much pain.

Speaking of Sansa, she saved the day. SHE IS THE REAL MVP and you gotta put some #respeck on her name! Had the Knights of Vale not come through, Jon and his men were goners. There is no Ifs, Ands or Buts about it. Now, Littlefinger saving the day will come with a price. Let’s be clear. He keeps playing Captain Save-A-Stark so Sansa is gonna feel indebted to him, which will be her reason for saying YES if he asks her to marry him. Lord Baelish is definitely making a play to get the drawls from Sansa, but most importantly, I think he wants to be Lord of the North. I think he will try to separate the Stark children and pit them against one another.

It’s JUST getting good. Remember that anytime one villain dies, another rises up. Littlefinger is next. I remember my joy when Joffrey died. I didn’t know he would be swiftly replaced by Ramsay as the one I hated the most.

Ramsay dog

SO GOOD.

But back to Sansa. Many think she’s pregnant with Ramsay’s baby which is why he said “I’m part of you now.” I hope to the gods old and new that isn’t true. Because what is the first rule of Fight Club? WE DO NOT BIRTH BOLTON BABIES. If she IS pregnant with his minion, he better find some moon tea and have Melisandre work some magic. I’m pro her making that damb choice because NO THANK YOU. DO NOT WANT.

BUT THE STARKS ARE BACK AND THEIR FLAG FLIES IN WINTERFELL AGAIN.

That alone has me giddy, because it’s been a long time since this has been the case. Wasn’t it season 2 when they lost it? Hush up you ol’ fool. The Starks are back at Winterfell. The North remembers. And as much as the Starks have been through, there are still 4 kids left: Jon, Sansa, Arya, Bran. ALL owning their power. Bran is a mighty warg and the new 3-eyed Raven. Arya is a bad ass fighter now, who can whoop ass in pitch black. Jon is the man who lived, and the greatest swordsman in Westeros. Sansa is now a strategist with a powerful (yet conniving) ally in Baelish.

Stark Flag

The Stark children are now unfuckwitable, and they are integral in the fight through the Long Night. All of them will be needed, and the one who won’t (Rickon) is dead. He was more of a liability than an asset so he is more useful dead than alive, unfortunately. Again, why did Rickon run a straight line??? I kept thinking that. Like… you better do some foot tricks.

Whew this episode, though. This is officially my favorite episode of Game of Thrones ever! Not only did that summagoat get his comeuppance in the best way possible, but it showed that the women of the kingdoms are the saviors. YEAH I SAID IT. The men are cool and whatnot but the ladies are gonna run shit. Daenerys and her dragons, Yara Greyjoy, Sansa Stark. Often underestimated and often proving that they’re formidable forces to be taken seriously. People gotta learn not to look at them like they’re small time. They are the key to victory.

Beyonce Girls

So what happens next? How do they top this episode? I’m not sure they even need to. I’m good right now and I will savor this victory since we don’t get too many. And we’ve only gotten ONE that even came close to this (Joffrey). I’m lowkey sad that Wun Wun died but he had to give his life for the greater good. He went out like a G!

But yes, BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS WAS EVERYTHING.

We have one more episode to go in season 6 of Game of Thrones. Hold your wigs, y’all. Something tells me this one is going to be a doozer.

P.S. Rest in peace, WUN WUN! The last of the giants. *sad face*

Wun Wun

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jade June 20, 2016, 1:34 am

    “OVER JON SNOW’S FORMERLY DEAD BODY!!” iHowled! 😂😂😂

    I just…the words! Yes there truly were terrifying moments in this episode. But after Rickon got taken out, the look on Jon’s face, I knew it was over for Ramsay. I was like dude, are you finished or are you done cause Jon ain’t letting that shit stand!

    It’s almost as if they took the character her Mother was supposed to become and let Sansa adopt it. Cause whereas she used to be fluff and fairytales, homegirl is calculating and ruthless now. I’m here for it.

    And I was so hoping Ghost was gonna eat that ass up, but his own dogs was good enough for me. RIP Wun Wun, you been clutch!

    Jon was beautiful! 😍😍😍😍

    As for Dany!!! She hopped on Drogon and said Dracarys bitches!!! Set my city on fire, well now yo ass on fire! Deal with that!

    Oooohhhhh, such a satisfying episode. Standing ovation! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

  • TDaDiva June 20, 2016, 1:36 am

    I completely agree! This is the best episode to date out of ALL seasons. When the closing credits started at the end tonight, I was actually satisfied unlike all other episodes this season that left me wanting more. RIP Wun-Wun (P.S. for what it’s worth, I think he deserves a fune). His sacrifice was a great one!

    • Tesha June 20, 2016, 8:15 am

      Agreed! I’ll bring the potato salad. #Wun-WunRepast

  • Moni June 20, 2016, 1:57 am

    The women were rising up tonight!

    I too think Baelish is going to try and cause a rift between Sansa and Jon. He already corrected her once saying Jon’s her 1/2 brother. He’ll also play up that Jon didn’t ask her about a strategy.

  • MarkG June 20, 2016, 2:58 am

    Luvvie – you’re awesome.

    I agree that setting out Ramsay as “Alpo tartare” was the perfect death for him, but I was hoping for one more torture before that: all week I’ve hoped that R would get captured and have his drawers pulled down, and Sansa would walk up with a long sword and say something like, “Hey — you know how you cut off Theon’s cock? Annnnd, y’know how you RAPED me with yours? Soooooooo… y’know what would be DOUBLY apropos?” And then WHACK! SLICE!! And THEN he could have been kibble and bitsed.

    Nevertheless, damn what an ep. I like the new “feel-good” GoT. (Probably won’t last though….)

    • Myss jones June 23, 2016, 4:23 am

      Yes!!!!! I wanted that to happen to Ramsey too. Or let a dog bite it off.

  • Contessa June 20, 2016, 3:13 am

    Yasssss!!! Best episode ever since like the last time we said this about a GOT episode lol.

  • Jacy June 20, 2016, 5:07 am

    And after all of that, Jon’s man bun stayed ever so glorious.

    • Tesha June 20, 2016, 8:21 am

      FOR REAL!!!!! Let me find out they got JAM hair gel in the North.

      • LLJ June 20, 2016, 6:29 pm

        LMAO!

      • Trina June 20, 2016, 9:34 pm

        This^^^^^. I’m dead.

  • Shay June 20, 2016, 5:39 am

    *Rolls* fake blunt in pure satisfaction!

    Thanks for this awesome review!

  • Julie O'Bryant June 20, 2016, 5:52 am

    Oh, Dear Lord, I thank you.

    I thank you for the gloriousness of hope deferred, which turned into whoomp azz so righteously served.

    I thank You for ravens, and wolves, and dogs who see the light and devour the dark.

    I thank You for the privacy of my home, without which I would have been forced to swallow all whoops and hollers that needed to burst forth into fervent expression. And thank you for like minded neighbors who I heard whooping in concert with me. It was fellowship at it’s finest.

    And, lastly Lord above, thank you for Luvvie and Luvnation, who translate and celebrate weekly with GOT recap and commentary.

    • navypoet June 20, 2016, 8:13 am

      “I thank You for the privacy of my home, without which I would have been forced to swallow all whoops and hollers that needed to burst forth into fervent expression. And thank you for like minded neighbors who I heard whooping in concert with me. It was fellowship at it’s finest.”

      I understand, I only watch alone…

    • Nicole June 20, 2016, 9:05 am

      Amen

    • Anika June 20, 2016, 12:10 pm

      Let the church say Amen.

    • Mishay June 20, 2016, 5:14 pm

      Amen!!! Amen!!! (Arms in the air, palms to the sky!!)

    • Siima June 21, 2016, 8:22 am

      AMEN!!

    • Juliet June 22, 2016, 2:26 am

      AMEN!!!!

  • Serenity June 20, 2016, 6:07 am

    Game of Thrones got my pressure up…

  • Skegeeace June 20, 2016, 6:31 am

    “You better do some foot tricks.”

    ::Dead. DOA::

  • Milaxx June 20, 2016, 6:45 am

    Woke up this morning and watched again. Little badass Lyanna Mormont rode up with Jon Snow, Ser Davos, Tormund and Sansa. Peep her giving Ramsey the stink eye like she ain’t 4ft 4 and 50lbs dripping wet. I think we gotta add her to the list of powerful women. What I really like is this new generation of men are realizing their power and standing by them. Jon realized Sansa deserved to be the one to kill Ramsey, Theon is holding it together & supporting Yara. Tyrion is proving himself a good advisor to Dany.
    All I want for next week is Tommen to get got. He’s useless and too easily swayed by Majorie’s punany.

    • SheBusy June 20, 2016, 10:15 am

      “All I want for next week is Tommen to get got.”
      THANK YOU!!! That boy irks my spirit and I need him to die!

    • Siima June 21, 2016, 8:21 am

      Ooooh my goodness yes!! Lil Lyanna Badass!! Her stink eye alone deserves an Emmy, I swear!

    • tishushu June 23, 2016, 6:04 pm

      DEFINITELY! Lyanna is a force, and this GoT Ladies First episode needed to include her… She gave her LAST 62 soldiers!

      And yes to Tommen getting got…

  • Roxanne June 20, 2016, 6:55 am

    Yes this episode was GREAT! Good riddance Ramsey! And I was wondering… Like how you gonna tell a chick with 3 dragons to surrender… Umm…. She got 3 dragons! And yes! The women are the real ones to watch out for. So…. How do we plan a funeral for a giant? Who got the old goat milk since the wildlings don’t like wine lol.

    • Jessica Rose June 20, 2016, 9:01 am

      I was thinking the same thing! Like how you gonna just poo pop away the two dragons you KNOW she has. Your dumbasses didn’t think two flying fire breathing dragons wouldn’t factor into this battle! On top of that genius play, after popping off at the mouth talking about ‘the unsullied and the translator gets sold to the highest bidder’, them two monkies were like kill this lowborn dude cause he don’t speak for us cause we better than him. Dumbassery to the bone!

    • Eric S. June 21, 2016, 1:06 pm

      You have to remember that the last time the slavers saw the dragons, they were much smaller. As the show (and the books) have stated, the last dragons before them were the size of cats. I don’t think they expected them to be so huge.

  • Denise June 20, 2016, 7:07 am

    I thought I heard Jon let loose a “MF’er” or two when he was beating Ramsay’s a$$. No? Was it just me?

  • Jennifer June 20, 2016, 7:21 am

    Can I just say that when Jon was punching Ramsay at the end I was punching the air right along with him? I could not control myself. I knew he would die last night, and he did so perfectly !

    Also I am #teamdany and #teamstark , but there can only be one winner. I don’t think I could ever chose.

  • JEA June 20, 2016, 7:23 am

    This was indeed my most favorite episode! It was so good. I loved how Drogon (with his now tamed ass) rode up to his momma like, hop on so we can we go tear sh!t up! And his lil siblings too…ha!
    And finally, Sansa did ONE thing right in her life (besides escaping from Ramsey)….I was able to cheer for her.

  • GG June 20, 2016, 7:51 am

    As always you nailed it!!! I love watching it through your eyes!! you have such a way with words! Man the Dragon Family Reunion though…I was literally SCREAMING!! Say it, SAY the magic work…Dracarys!!! and set they asses ablaze!!

    WUN WUN did good, poor thing 🙁 but when that hound got up in Ramsey’s face like can I eat now?? I was like yup it’s dinner time!

  • Lisa June 20, 2016, 8:39 am

    Well I think Sansa is ready to take on Cersei one on one and win! Great episode last night I haven’t been that emotional on a GOT episode sinde Hardhome with the white wakers tearing sh*t up.

    RIP Wun Wun dag only three direwolfs left.

  • Lisa June 20, 2016, 8:40 am

    Correction only two direwolves left John’s and Aryas.

  • Melron June 20, 2016, 8:52 am

    Dreading a face off between “the Hound” and his brother “the Mountain”…..if it does happen I’m on the Hound’s side note doubt….

    • Mick June 20, 2016, 9:20 am

      It is bound to happen. I am also Team Hound.

      Will the reunion between The Hound and Arya go well? Or terribly wrong?

  • Mick June 20, 2016, 9:19 am

    I think that Sansa is going to go for Cersei. It is inevitable and I’m here for it. Cersei is going to need more than The Mountain for this one.

    The curse of the Baratheon children will hit Tommen very soon. His mama is gonna do it with her own two hands. I know I would! Loyalty to family above all.

    iLurve Dany, Tyrion, and Yara/Theon. However, I am very much House of Stark. I will have a heart attack if any of the remaining Stark children are hurt. Just bury me next to Wun Wun and add “confessed a hope in Christ at an early age” to my obituary.

    • TheItGyrl June 20, 2016, 11:29 am

      “Confessed a hope in Christian st an early age” has take me ALL the way out!

      • TheItGyrl June 20, 2016, 11:30 am

        LORD. Autocorrect won’t let me be great.

  • Anitra June 20, 2016, 9:59 am

    I said the same thing, about these women running Westeros! I am so here for it!!! Also Margery Tyrell is running King’s Landing, albeit quietly. I also love that Bae didn’t die again but my Fitbit legit logged me almost a thousand steps for those last twenty minutes because I was pacing. Lol

  • ReggaeLover June 20, 2016, 10:11 am

    Love this recap! I think Sansa is going marry Littlefinger and eventually dis Jon Snow. He’s a Targaryen anyway so linking with is cousin has to happen at some point. Sansa is too much like her mother and his mother hated him. I hope Arya gets to join her family but something tells me that may not happen as fast as I would want it to.

    • ReggaeLover June 20, 2016, 10:15 am

      Darn misspellings.. Let’s try this again.

      Love this recap! I think Sansa is going marry Littlefinger and eventually dis Jon Snow. He’s a Targaryen anyway so linking with his cousin has to happen at some point. Sansa is too much like her mother and her mother hated him. I hope Arya gets to join her family but something tells me that may not happen as fast as I would want it to.

  • SheBusy June 20, 2016, 10:20 am

    I swear to the old gods and the new when Sansa was standing outside of Ramsay’s cell I started singing “Come on, come on, it’s supper time . . .” like on “Little Shop of Horrors”! That scene was epic and this whole episode gave me LIFE! *prolly gon take it back next week tho.*

  • Stacy June 20, 2016, 10:30 am

    My dog was sleeping all snuggled up next to me. When the battle started he turned and looked at me in judgment and went to the other end of the couch. I was gasping, hollering and throwing my hands up like I was in church and the preacher’s message was directly to me. I was so scared they were going to kill Jon twice. Y’all know Game of Thrones can be disrespectful like that. But when Jon was whipping that ass and looked over at his sister I died. If that dog salivating in Ramsay’s face ain’t give me the only flashback of Aliens when Ripley was about to get it. I’m going to say it, not only best GoT episode ever, best episode of a tv show ever. Screw who killed JR! Battle of the Bastards all day every day!

    • Siima June 21, 2016, 8:18 am

      ”Y’all know Game of Thrones can be disrespectful like that.” YOU KNOW?!!! Hahaha and my dogs judged me too, for all the whoppin’ and hollerin’ I was doing. Crikey.

  • GENESIS June 20, 2016, 10:54 am

    As usual your re-cap is greatness. I worked out this morning, came into the office answered all immediate emails, touch bases with my manager, discussed the Cavaliers in the break room, then made my coffee came back to my desk and took my time reading your recap undisturbed (thank you). Last night’s episode was the best ever! I was so tickled at those hounds for eating Ramsey that I gave my husband’s beast dog an extra treat. RIP Wun-Wun. Daenerys, Yara, Sansa, Arya, and Missandei {squad goals}.

  • Joe M June 20, 2016, 11:12 am

    I kept yelling “Serpentine!” when Rickon was running to Jon.

    • Stephanie June 20, 2016, 2:58 pm

      I don’t understand why Rickon didn’t bob and use his weave like Sheneneh TOLD HIM TO??

  • Monica June 20, 2016, 11:18 am

    That episode wore me out. Should have worn my HRM, bet I burned 500 calories off of worry and excitement.

    Sansa definitely did her thing, but not telling Jon about the Knights of the Vale was dirty. Jon’s battle plan would have been different if he’d known, and there may not have been as many fatalities on their side. Playing games gets folks killed, and Sansa knows that. She gets the sideye from me.

    But she dispatched Ramsey like a BOSS. And Winterfell is back in Stark hands. I’m happy for her, but still…sideye. If she doesn’t shut Littlefinger down, I’m going to be straight pissed at her. Her direwolf is dead, so maybe Sansa lost her way. We’ll see.

    Sansa, A-level schemer, Jon, top swordsman, Arya, super assassin, Bran, seer. Oh, and the undead uncle, Benjen. The Starks are the Wu Tang of Westeros.

    If there’s anything left of Ramsey’s, ahem, man parts, perhaps someone should FedEx them to Theon. Might make him feel better, in a backward sort of way.

    • Maxine Shaw, attorney at LOL June 20, 2016, 11:37 am

      Honestly, Monica, I think Jon’s plan would’ve just been to get the Knights slaughtered too soon like everybody else. Jon’s a great…ish battle commander, but Ned Stark, he ain’t.

      • Monica June 20, 2016, 11:47 am

        You’ve got a point – Jon’s gotten used to fighting wights, whose default setting is ‘melee’. Ramsey got in his head, for sure. But I have to think he’d have been a little smarter with an extra thousand or so dudes.

        They need Arya back at Winterfell, ASAP. She’s the only Stark kid who’s showed some aptitude for long range planning, and even she has done some seriously dumb stuff. I love those kids, but I swear their words should be ‘Honorable Idiots’.

        • Colored Francie June 20, 2016, 1:16 pm

          I think Sansa didn’t tell Jon about the Knights of the Vale for two reasons: she definitely doesn’t trust him 100% (but after his not consulting her in the war council, she may be right to feel that way) and perhaps she was also worried that they wouldn’t arrive in time, so, why get folks hopes up for a force that may not come?

          But you’re right about Jon’s fighting style – now he will shift his attention back to the White Walkers and the Army of the Dead, where hopefully he’ll be much more successful.

        • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:36 pm

          I agree. Why tell Jon when she had no guarantees?

    • T June 21, 2016, 9:01 am

      Monica you are so right. Everybody is praising Sansa but if she told John from the beginning that she had 2,000-4,000 extra men at her disposable they could have came up with a whole new strategy and maybe saved some lives. Yeah Sansa panned out in the end but her manipulation was deceitful. Little finger is playing her and making her distrust her brother smh.

    • Indigo Rose June 21, 2016, 11:27 pm

      Wu Tang of Westeros… Schemer, Swordsman, Super assassin and Seer! I am straight stealing this and your alliteration. I need a picture of the 4 of them with that caption.

      I too am working out my ocular muscle at Sansa. Mad at Jon for not asking her but this makes the second time she has withheld her dealings with Littlefinger from Jon.

  • Maxine Shaw, attorney at LOL June 20, 2016, 11:35 am

    We need a #funegro for Wun-Wun, the real MVP. Hopefully Tommen bites the dust next week.

    • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:38 pm

      Chile, I ain’t got time to do a real fune program for Wun Wun. We ain’t know much bout him anyway.

  • Ari June 20, 2016, 11:40 am

    Rest Well Wun Wun!!!

    But yes this episode was so satisfying!

    Boy Bye! <— Ramsay!

  • Serenity June 20, 2016, 11:55 am

    Here’s the thing though… Sansa, Bran nor Jon have an open claim to Winterfell. Jon is a bastard, Bran is off being the Raven and Sansa is married was married to the Late Lord Bolton and never divorced from Tyrion. And if she married Littlefinger…. So…. The ONLY non-compromised Stark available to take over Winterfell is Arya! Don’t be so sure that the Starks have Winterfell until Arya gets back.

    • Colored Francie June 20, 2016, 1:18 pm

      I think Sansa does have a claim. Her marriage to Tyrion could be annulled because it wasn’t consummated. And now that her husband, Lord Bolton, Warden of the North, is dead, she can take over.

      Perhaps what’s most important is that she will now have the respect of the Northern houses who stood on the sidelines for this battle.

      • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:36 pm

        YES. Sansa has shown that she is someone to be taken seriously. The rest of the North will need to come back to her and re-commit to House Stark.

    • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:38 pm

      Sansa has claim. She’s still and will forever be a Stark.

    • T June 21, 2016, 9:04 am

      Bran is Lord of Winterfell if he ever makes it back. Sansa can get married to anyone now that Ramsey is dead. Tyrion marriage doesn’t count since they didn’t consumate. Technically Jon is Lord of Winterfell because Robb declared him King in his will before he died. That was the scene where Robb and his mom were arguing about who would be behind him.

  • Anne Parris June 20, 2016, 12:10 pm

    :pours out a skin of sour goat milk for Wun Wun:

    Also, Sansa’s little smile as she walks away? Brutal and awesome. She learned a lot from Cersei, for better and for worse.

    • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:37 pm

      It will come in handy, b/c I think her and Cersei might still face off one day.

      • Maxine Shaw, attorney at LOL June 21, 2016, 4:09 am

        They can draw straws over who’s going to kill Tommen’s #GOOFASS.

  • Monnie June 20, 2016, 12:33 pm

    Dang! I need a shower, big time. And my heart medicine. And my blood pressure medicine. Bestest (yeah, I said it) GoT yet!

  • Char June 20, 2016, 1:00 pm

    Luvvie, Be A Soldier and Stop Pausing! Suffer your share of mini-nervous breakdowns with the rest of us ‘no dvr havin ‘ folks.

  • Joshlyn D Polk June 20, 2016, 3:43 pm

    Add to Cersei and Margeary to the list of smart, powerful women/survivors

    • CMC June 20, 2016, 5:07 pm

      Nah, Cersei ain’t never been smart. LOL

      • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:35 pm

        Not true. Cersei is very smart. Just sometimes outgunned from her love of power.

      • Char June 20, 2016, 7:43 pm

        Like Cersei’s father Tywinn said to her ” You’re not nearly as smart as you think you are”

        • whilome June 23, 2016, 8:28 pm

          This. Ruthless, yes. Clever? No.

    • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:35 pm

      TRUE.

  • Bubble Dweller June 20, 2016, 4:06 pm

    That Dogon meme is exactly what will happen when Beyonce and her Whoadies roll up.

  • CMC June 20, 2016, 5:10 pm

    One of the best (if not the best) Episodes EVER. So hard to choose!

    I am still horrified at the way Ramsay killed his own men to create that death trap/circle of terror. Jon escaping from that pile of corpses will haunt me for a while. But, at least Ramsay Snow will burn in 7 hells for all eternity. 🙂

    RIP Wun-Wun
    RIP Rickon we barely new ya!

  • Anjuan Simmons June 20, 2016, 5:12 pm

    I agree that this was one of the most satisfying episodes of GOT ever. I also love that it showed women cleaning up the mess that the men had gotten themselves into.

    I have one concern about Arya, though. I think Arya was actually killed by the Waif who is wearing her face so that the Many-Faced God can have an secret agent in the Stark family. Why else would Jaqen let her leave so easily, especially when Arya wanted to go to the edge of the world when she was talking to Lady Crane?

    • Awesomely Luvvie June 20, 2016, 5:34 pm

      You have officially done the most and went a bit TOO deep. There is no debate abut whether Arya is really Arya. And Jaqen left Arya so easily b/c he KNEW she had to kill the Waif to continue her journey.

  • LLJ June 20, 2016, 6:32 pm

    I have read the books, watched every episode (many twice) and read many recaps. Your recaps take the cake!! Thank you and LMAO!

  • Jk June 20, 2016, 8:07 pm

    Shields are carried, armor is worn. Jon defended himself from Ramsay’s arrows with a shield.

    • Jenn June 21, 2016, 12:44 am

      #Petty

  • Drea June 20, 2016, 9:59 pm

    I totally agree..BEST Episode this season.. Although, I darn near passed out when I thought Jon was a goner!!! I was so over lord Bolton and only wished they’d cut his pecker off first before releasing the dogs!!!

  • Leslie June 20, 2016, 10:22 pm

    “I had to pause it and unpause because my nerves were TOO bad”-A.L.
    This is why nobody wants to watch it with me. Haha.

    It looks like the 7 “KINGdoms’ is quickly becoming the 7 QUEENdoms.
    Sansa -“I Aint Really Soft” Stark,
    Daenerys “Dragon Mama” Targaryen,
    Yara “Got Game” Greyjoy,
    Margaery -“Pious Pretender” Tyrell
    and that never say die Queen of Revenge :
    Cereci “You Should Never Let Her Live” Lannister

    • Indigo Rose June 21, 2016, 11:38 pm

      Don’t forget..
      Lady ” lil mama bear” Mormount and the Sand Snakes in Dorne!

  • Wicak June 20, 2016, 11:53 pm

    what an episode, great from start to finish. Team Targaryen seems invincible, and the starks are back in style!!!

  • Joy June 21, 2016, 1:12 am

    Best Esipode ever! However Tommen did not pull John up. He had to fight to live and pulled himself up.

  • Siima June 21, 2016, 7:50 am

    Oh maaaaaan Luvvie!! That recap was EVERYTHING! I swear I had to hold off reading it coz I couldn’t watch Ep9 til Monday night. PHEW! The emotion and SHEER AWESOMENESS of Battle of the Bastards damn near wore me out! Reading this at work and I HOWLED when you went ‘JON BET NOT DIE AGAIN. HE JUST GOT HIS MAN BUN TOGETHER!’ #Priorities lol. But YASSSSSS at the girls coming through. And Little-Slimy-Ass-Finger. I’ll let his creepiness slide just this once.
    As for Ramsey. I had to stop myself from spitting at the screen everytime his face was on it. I didn’t think I could hate anyone as much as Joffrey but that dude. Ugh. It’s tew MARCH!! Still in the recovery position!

MENU