Season 6 of Game of Thrones is the best one yet, and if you disagree, you are wrong. This season has 2 of my favorite episodes EVER: The Door and Battle of the Bastards. And from the ep 601 to now, it has been the best type of storytelling, in a show that already excels at juggling multiple balls without dropping any.
And this finale episode was 69 minutes of HELL YES. I mean, from start to finish, it blew my mind. How could they top the episode where the most evil villain gets torn to pieces by his own dogs? You have one where a major fan theory is confirmed, 11 castmembers are killed and the most coveted seat in the Seven Kingdom gets a surprising occupant.
Let’s talk about it.
The folks of King’s Landing are getting ready for the trial, and people are putting on their clothes. Tommen is being dressed in his regalia, and Margaery’s hair is being braided. Cersei is getting dressed in a bad ass leather coat, but she is in no rush. Because when she’s done, she stares out her window at Red Keep.
Folks file into the court hall, and one of the scientologists of Westeros walks in with Loras Tyrell, who looks like what he’s been through. He tells the High Sparrow that he doesn’t even need a trial. He confesses to his crimes which include sleeping with Renly Baratheon. He says he will dedicate his life to serving the 7 gods, and remain chaste and unmarried forever. He kneels and the Sparrows brand his forehead with the Faith’s mark, while his sister Margery and father look on, disturbed.
Maester Pycelle is done messing with a prostitute and he doesn’t even pay her. Ew and terrible. When he leaves the room, a little bird (one of the street kids) whispers something in his ear, and he follows her. She takes him to the dungeon and standing there is Qyburn. “Please forgive me if you can… but sometimes before we can usher in the new, the old must be put to rest.” There is a group of kids standing there holding knives and they start stabbing Pycelle like he’s a voodoo doll. He dies in the dark.
The door to Tommen’s chamber opens and it is the FrankenMount standing there, refusing to let him leave to go to the trial. At the hall, Margaery asks the Head Scientologist where Cersei is, and Lancel says she never left Red Keep. Yeah, cuz she’s there sipping on wine. He is sent to go bring her back by force, and when he exits the building, he sees one of the little birds running and follows him. He ends up in the dark underground and the kid sneaks up to him and stabs him really quickly. Lancel falls to the ground, hurt but nothing too serious, because he can still crawl, which he does. Around him are kegs with dripping green liquid: wildfire.
Cersei stands in the window of her Red Keep chamber, looking calm and day and sipping wine like the pro she is.
Margaery tells the High Sparrow and something’s off, because Cersei clearly isn’t coming to this clusterfuck trial and it is best if they all leave. He scoffs at her and says they will do this trial with or without her.
Down in the dungeon Lancel sees 3 melting candles placed in the middle of the green liquid. He crawls faster to reach the candles before the flame hits the wildfire.
Margaery grabs her brother and tries to leave the hall but the Septons are blocking the way.
Lancel is less than a foot away from the burning candle when the whole thing lights up. Wildfire goes blasting through the underground and quickly reaches the hall. The High Sparrow is the first thing incinerated.
The entire building fills up with wildfire, blowing up everything remotely close, so basically an entire section of King’s Landing.
Cersei watches this happen, and turns around with her wine in her had, looking smug and very satisfied. Tommen also watches this happen, with shocked tears in his eyes.
Cersei heads to the jail cell, where Septa Unella is tied down. She wineboards her, and says she does shit that feels good, like sleeping with her brother, killing her husband, the High Sparrow. So as she promised her, the last thing she will see before she dies is her face. The Septa said she ain’t afraid of death. Right then FrankenMount comes in, takes off his helmet and goes to town on her, stretching the nun out. “Your gods have forsaken you. This is your god now.” As she screams, Cersei exits, saying SHAME. SHAME. SHAME over again. Because she’s a snarky evil villain.
As Tommen stares out the window, watching the ruins of his kingdom, ablaze from his mama, he gently takes off his crown and walks away to place it down. We watch the smoke billowing and then see Tommen quickstep, get on the window ledge and do a CLEAN smooth criminal lean out the window to his death.
Later, when Cersei learns about her last born’s fate, she barely even looks sad. She tells Qyburn “Burn him and bury his ashes where the Sept once stood.”
Samwell and Gilly arrive at the Citadel, and when they walk in, the guy at the door isn’t that welcoming. Sam presents him with a letter from Lord Commander Jon Snow, and the man opens his book and says he doesn’t have a record of such a Lord Commander. The last person he has in his books is Lord Commander Jeor Mormont. Sam says he has since died, and so has Maester Aemon Targaryen, which is why they haven’t been updated.
The guy says it is unusual and he’ll need to escalate this to the archmaester but he’ll let Sam use the library in the meantime. Gilly and the baby are not welcome in that part of the Citadel.
Sam walks into the library, which is literally awesome. It looks to be endless floors, all lined with books, and in the center is a hanging astrolabe.
Tarly marvels at the enormous place, overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge it holds.
In Dorne, Ellaria and her daughters are meeting with Lady Olenna Tyrell, who made sure to let them know she ain’t there for their boolsheet, especially when one of the girls addresses her.
“Obara. You look like an angry little boy. Don’t presume to tell me what I need.”
BLOOP. THE Sophia Petrillo of Westeros has spoken and you will deal with all the shade she throws your way. She turns to Ellaria and asks that the grown women talk, not these goon girls.
Ellaria says they need to be allies to survive but Olenna doesn’t give a damb about survival. What she wants? Vengeance, and Varys emerges from the shadows, saying “Fire and blood.” That’s the Targaryen creed.
Walder Frey is celebrating the return of the Tully castle to him, and thanks Jaime Lannister for it. He gives a shoutout to the Frey-Lannister alliance and all the drunken fools roar with him.
Frey comes and sits next to Jaime, celebrating the battle he ain’t even fight. Jaime pulls his hoe card and asks how much fighting has the UGLASS old man ever done? Walder says he ain’t gotta fight to win, because everyone who mocks him dies, like the Starks and the Tullys. Lannister says he’s tired of his house playing Captain Save-a-Hoe for House Frey. This alliance of theirs is pretty one-sided, ain’t it?
Later on, Walder is alone eating pie when a girl comes in to serve him. Because he is a gross perv, he flirts with her and insults his kids at once, saying he knows she ain’t one of his lot because she’s too pretty. EWWWW. He even slaps her on the ass.
He asks where his sons are and the girl says “they’re here, my lord.” He looks around and the girl opens up the pie and points inside. She said Black Walder was especially hard to chop up. He looks up and she pulls off her face, revealing Arya Stark. “My name is Arya Stark and I want you to know that. The last thing you’re ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die.” She goes behind him and slits his throat, which is the exact way her mother was killed at the Red Wedding. She smiles as Frey gurgles blood and dies.
One more name off her list.
On the Run Tour
Bran, Meera and Benjen Stark get close to The Wall and uncle says he has to drop them off there. The Wall wasn’t just created with a bunch of ice. The magic that keeps it standing keeps out the undead, and since he technically is, this is where his journey with them ends. “While it stands, the dead cannot pass.” He wishes them luck and says he will fight the good fight.
When he leaves, Bran sees a tree and asks Meera to take him to it. He touches it and his Three-Eyed Raven-ness activates, taking him back to that scene where he saw his young father standing outside a tower. He follows Ned in and laying on a bed in a pool of blood is Lyanna Stark. She wants her brother to promise her something and whispers in his ear: “You have to protect him. Promise me, Ned.” A woman brings out a tiny baby, handing him to her brother. The baby opens his eyes and we end up in Winterfell in present day, with Jon.
That baby is Jon. Confirmation. We shall get to that later.
Daario Naharis tells Danaerys that the ships are ready for her for their journey to Westeros, but Mother of Dragons tells him he is not going. He is dumbfounded. She says she wants go rule, and taking her hoe with her won’t work if she plans on marrying to get her alliances. He doesn’t care about being her hoe, doe. He just wants to come because he loves her. But what’s love got to do with getting this Iron Throne?? She tells him “Nah” and he is crushed.
“I’m not angry. I’m full of self-pity. Who can ever follow Danaerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons?” TRUE. He better go on OkCupid and find a substitute. She says farewell and he gives her a weak bow.
She walks into the palace hall and Tyrion is waiting to see how Daario took the news. He gives her kudos for sacrificing that type of devoted man and tries to console her by saying she finally has it all now. Dany’s ready to do this thang but she still needs a picker upper and Tyrion does just that. He is a Professional cynic yet he believes in HER. He doesn’t have a sword but if he did, he would swear it to her, and she says she doesn’t want that. She wants his counsel. “Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen.”
I have never seen Tyrion get emotional but he tears up a bit and bows to the Queen. This is one of my favorite alliances yet, and such a touching moment.
In Winterfell, Jon is in the family’s dining room, reminiscing to Melisandre about how they would have feasts at the main table, but he had to sit at a table at the end of the room. The Red Woman says he at least had feasts. In walks Ser Davos, livid. He throws the black stag to Melisandre and insists that she tell Jon whose it was. Red Woman confesses that they burned Shireen Baratheon at the stake. “If he commands you to burn children, your lord is evil… I loved that girl like she was my own! She was good. She was kind. And you killed her!”
Davos wants to kill Melisandre himself, because her admitting that she was wrong is not enough to bring all the folks who died back from her wrongness. Jon looks and her and tells her to ride the hell south, because if he ever sees her in the North, he will have her hanged. Fuck her and the war she says he’ll need her for. She rides away on her house as Jon watches from the top of Winterfell.
Sansa joins her brother and tells him that he is a Stark to her. Their parents room is being prepared for her and she should have it because she saved the day by summoning the Knights of the Vale. No, she doesn’t trust Littlefinger and she’s sorry she didn’t tell him about the army that was coming. Jon says: “We need to trust each other. We can’t fight a war amongst ourselves. We have so many enemies now.” Real talk, Jonathan. I’ma call him Jonathan when he says some real shit because that sounds real serious.
Sansa tells her brother that a white raven came from the Citadel. Winter is officially here. GHEN GHEN.
Sansa goes to think by a tree and here comes Littlefinger. What do you want??? Well, he wants the Iron Throne, and he wants to take it while she’s next to him. Damb it, we knew he wanted some Sansa pannies. He even tries to kiss her but she says that’s cute but nah.
She calls him self-serving. “Who should the North rally behind? The true daughter of Ned and Catelyn Stark or a motherless bastard born in the south?” She walks away saying nothing, clear that he is tryna haterate in her and Jon’s sibling dancerie. He doesn’t want them to be united.
We get back to Winterfell, from the baby to a grown Jon, sitting in a rowdy room with the kings of the Northern Houses. They do not wanna form any alliance that includes Wildlings, but Jon reminds them that they were right there helping them win against the Boltons. Also, they’re not done fighting. The real war is to come. The men murmur until they’re interrupted by Lady Lyanna Mormont.
She calls out three of the punk ass Lords in that room who didn’t come when Jon needed them. “You refused the call. But House Mormont remembers. The North remembers. We know no king but the king in the North whose name is Stark. I don’t care if he’s a bastard… He’s my king from this day until his last day.”
The rebuke from the greatest 10 year old ever prompts the lords of the houses to apologize and own up to their mistake. Lord Manderly calls Jon “The White Wolf” and hails “THE KING IN THE NORTH.” He is joined by the entire room, which chants “The King in the North” and their swords go in the air.
Jon looks overwhelmed and Sansa looks proud. Until she looks over and sees Littlefinger’s shifty ass.
In the end:
Jaime makes it back to King’s Landing and sees the ruins left by the Wildfire. Just then, Cersei, dressed in all black like an omen, and backed by Qyburn and the Mount, ascends the altar and takes a seat on the Iron Throne. Jaime looks on as they place a crown on his sister-lover’s head. The two of them lock eyes and what I interpret to be true recognition in of her evilness in Jaime’s eyes.
The Greyjoy flag flies on the ship with Yara and Theon. The Unsullieds are on another ship and the entire fleet sails out. Some of them fly the flag of the Sands, and some have the Tyrell banner. The three dragons fly above them all and the ship in the front has Varys and Missandei standing behind Danaerys and Tyrion. The Mother of Dragons is sailing to Westeros to claim that Iron Throne.
WESTEROS IS GONNA BE A LITUATION IN SEASON 7! The battle for the Iron Throne is one thing but the battle against the White Walkers is another. Nobody is gonna be safe with what is now happening, and that means the action will be swift. Word on the streets is that GOT has one more full season and an abbreviated season 8 and there’s still a lot of shit to take care of.
Tommen’s death: I hollered when that boy did that trust fall out that window. Like straight cackled. It’s the bravest, most decisive thing he’s ever done, and probably the only decision he ever made that someone didn’t make for him. Although, that’s kinda debatable because what else could he do when his mama blew up a portion of the place he ruled, his wife, his father-in-law, brother-in-law and the religious radical he just formed an alliance with? What else are you supposed to do when you find out your mama is the devil herself? If you’re punk ass, coddled ass Tommen Baratheon? You fall out the highest window in the land to your demise, that’s what. He was all “Well shit. Nothing left for me to do here. Fuck everything. I’m out.”
I’m sad to see Margaery go, because I really do think she was cooking up some shit but she stood no chance against that wack ass Head Scientologist who was playing checkers to Cersei’s chess.
Cersei’s Queendom: Tommen’s death didn’t punish Cersei as much as it gave her freedom. The prophesy has been fulfilled, about how she will lose all three of her children. Now, there’s nothing left for her to protect. Nothing can be used as collateral against her. All Cersei has in this world is her ego and lust for power. This makes her even more dangerous than before. Nothing to lose? Go all out.
I mean, the woman has made her way to the Iron Throne, but to get there, she lost her husband, her three children and any ounce of give a fuck. She has no friends and any allies she has aren’t devoted from a sense of loyalty but from habit and fear. As of right now, she only has TWO solid ones left: Qyburn and the Mount. And one is basically a robot so there’s that. I don’t name Jaime here because I think something has changed for him, seeing the lengths she’d go, and how she’s basically become the Mad Queen.
I don’t know what he’s gonna do with that but I feel like he’s going to turn on her. Might he become the Queenslayer? Is the the valonqar who will choke the life out of her like her prophecy said? Hmmm… The very thing he killed the Mad King for, preventing him from using wildfire to do massive damage is what she just did.
I WILL say that Cersei’s outfit was my fave thing she’s ever had on. She suited up for war in black leather and chains, looking every bit the bad ass that she is. It’s a new day, with new clothes and a new seat for the Lannister sis. She is not here to play either. But how long will she be on that Throne? No one leaves it alive or on their on volition.
Danaerys is Coming: Now that Dany is sailing to Westeros with her fleet and an alliance of the Tyrells and Ellaria an’ ’em, I really wonder what her first move will be. And will Euron and his 1,000 ships interrupt? And who will Drogon burn up first? And about that Iron Throne. Will Cersei even stand a chance against the Mother of Dragons? I assume ain’t no more wildfire but who knows?
R+L=J: This is the shorthand for the most popular theory of Game of Thrones, and to see it confirmed is basically a technicality at this point. Everyone had figured this out already but it’s good to see it. R+L=J is Rhaegar (Targaryen) + Lyanna (Stark) = Jon (Snow). I won’t explain it all here but google it and fall into the blackhole. But Jon’s parentage has always been up for questioning because Ned Stark was an honorable man and a baby from a one night stand he had while he was at war was so far from something he’d do. And then folks started piecing clues together and BAM.
Why is this Jon parentage important? For starters, it was the deciding factor for George RR Martin when the producers of GOT (David Benioff and Dan Weiss) came to him about adapting his tometastic works into a TV show. But down to the nitty gritty, Targaryens are fire and Starks are ice. Jon might literally be the son of fire and ice, which will make him the one who can win the battle of the Long Night. He is the Chosen One, the Neo of Westeros. It also means he is nephew to Danaerys Stormborn (Rhaegar was her brother), and together with her dragon power, they will be an unfuckwitable pair. But you add Tyrion to the mix and you have 3 dragon riders, because it is rumored that he is a Targaryen too, and there were one too many times when Tywin Lannister says “You are no son of mine.” Again, blackhole of fan theories. Go searching.
But yeah, so Jon is technically not the rightful heir of Winterfell. He’s more like the rightful king of the 7 kingdoms. WHEW.
The Queen of My Heart: I recognize no queen of my heart whose name isn’t Lyanna Mormont. I MEAN. Is she not the best thing in the history of ever?
That 10 year old managed to shame a room full of grown ass men for not showing up when they were needed. She basically told them “you hoes weren’t loyal” and I loved every bit of it. I just love me some LyLy, man. Ferocious and right.
Arya the Assassin: Arya Stark is back in Westeros, coming for anyone who has wronged her and her family. She just crossed Walder Frey off her kill list, which I am very invested in. Cersei is on it and I cannot wait for them to face off, and I wonder if she’ll be beaten to it by someone else who Cersei has fucked over. Either way, Bad Ass Bootcamp pay offs begin now!
The Winning Women of Westeros: In case you didn’t know, season 6 belongs to the women. Yara Greyjoy, Sansa Stark, Arya Stark, Lyanna Mormont, Brienne of Tarth, Danaerys Targaryen, Cersei Lannister. Running shit, standing in their power, fucking these people up.
And I love it. “Valar Morghulis” is “All MEN Must Die.” Yes, but leave the women standing. Well, some of them. Cersei gotta die.
THE GAME OF FUCKING THRONES. Can there be any winners? What does winning look like? What is lurking around the corner waiting for us next season? Who will live to tell the tales?
WINTER IS HERE.