Day 1 of Republican National Convention Was An Assemblage of Supreme Fuckshit
Y’all, what in the lowest realm of hell is wrong with the leadership of the Republican National Convention? And how did they manage to start it off so wrong that I’m already tired of their shit? You can’t even make any of this shit up. The fuckery that has already ensued could not have been written by the best comedic writers of our time.
It’s actually tragic because while we’re waiting to see Ashton Kutcher pop up from behind a dumpster whole rocking a Von Dutch Trucker Hat, these shitgibbons are actually running this country, and their Overlord, the Tangerine Douchecanoe is threatening to open the gates of hell if he becomes President.
IT WAS JUST DAY 1, y’all. DAY GAHTDAMN ONE and things have already hit the fan. I could have written 5 separate posts about the highlights of the lowlights but I decided to do a round-up instead, of 5 of the craziest, most mind-numbing, “We are all in trouble” moments. My sympathies to all the Republicans who have enough sense to be embarrassed right now. The three of you are in my thoughts.
Chaos on the Floor
This drama is like Game of Thrones, politics edition, already. And we watched people try to prevent the Mad King from taking the Iron Throne. The people of Westeros lost their minds, chanting for a roll call vote. But Squad Targaryen basically used their podium power to ignore them. What I mean is, when the #NeverTrump folks started chanting “NO” they were shut down by the folks with the gavel, talmbout “the Ayes have it.”
“In the opinion of the chair, the ayes have it.” Like hell they do. This is insane. This video is the “no’s.” pic.twitter.com/SwqYAPqJWz
— AnonymousDelegate (@UnknownDelegate) July 18, 2016
The delegation from Colorado ended up walking out, they had to shut down comments on the chat system from anti-Semites and racists using slurs, and at one point, media was escorted off the floor. MEDIA. The folks credentialed to tell us what is happening from there.
They Went Full Racist
The men at the top of the GOP food chain have gone straight white hoods. Their racism is officially KKK-style and it’s fascinating because when did it become okay to be this boldly racist? Since when the nincompoop running for the highest office of the land made it okay to be so.
Rudy Guiliani got on the podium and said: “The only one who understands what Muslim terrorists shout before attacks is Obama!” Why? Because he is insane and he has lost his rabid ass racist ass raggedy ass mind. Who says that???
And then Iowa representative Steve King had an interview on MSNBC where he said: “I’d ask you to go back through history and figure out, where have these contributions been made by these other categories of people that you’re talking about? Where did any other sub-group of people contribute more to civilization?”
*jaw drop* WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THIS RAGING ASSHAT? He called other folks “sub-groups” yo. I can’t. If we BLAXIT, the only thing that’ll be left that white people “contributed” would be mayonnaise and country music.
Seriously. The Republicans have officially become the KKK. This is both appalling and telling of where we are right now. White men are desperate because they’re losing power and numbers, and this is their Hail Mary. Go full on white supremacist to try to save what’s left of your broken ego.
The Terrible Benediction
The Republicans made sure to trot out as many Black folks as they knew. All FOUR of their Black friends were in the building, including “Pastor” Mark Burns from South Carolina. He was the one who was charged with giving the benediction. Amy Sullivan did us all the solid of transcribing it and as a lifelong Christian, I cringed as I watched the video of Uncle Ruckus.
1/ I’ve heard a lot of prayers by religious leaders of different faiths at RNCs & DNCs. But nothing like this. pic.twitter.com/RYfpn58TNi
— Amy Sullivan (@sullivanamy) July 18, 2016
Some prayers seem to be more like curses, and this man has claimed that the enemy is Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party. No, numbnut. Your enemy is common sense and decency. And then he straight up lies that “we are grateful for the life of Donald Trump.” Sir, who is WE and was this sentiment voted on? Because I would like to call eternal bullshit on that.
And then he talked about the “conservative party under God.” I’m pretty sure that God is now offended and angry about that slander. Jesus probably flipped a table like “Don’t lie on my daddy!”
These pignuts can’t even do right in prayer. Even their appeals to God are full of rubbish.
Melania’s Trump Stolen Speech
And then Donald Trump the Dim-witted came on to introduce his wife, Melania Trump. And she did her best and read the teleprompter really well and people applauded her. But the entire time, I was wondering where her off switch is, because I’m still not convinced she’s not a robot.
As her speech ended, some folks realized that parts of it sounded a bit familiar. That’s because we had heard it before, since chunks were lifted from Michelle Obama’s speech 8 years ago at the DNC where Senator Barack Obama officially accepted his nomination for President.
Like… of course this surprised no one, because the Trumps are now synonymous with trash, shortcuts and dishonesty. They couldn’t have integrity if it jumped into their pool and drained it and set up a picnic. Having rectitude and moral fortitude is their kryptonite, so of course Melania would plagiarize and steal her words from the sitting First Lady.
Just because it’s not surprising doesn’t mean she won’t get these jokes. And because we’re living in satire, part of her speech was from a song of Rick Astley’s. She literally said “He will never, ever give up. He will never ever let you down.” LMAO! I must say, y’all. Her speechwriter must have been an undercover Democrat, who infiltrated the GOP lair to avenge us all. And to laugh himself silly. Because how, Sway? Not only that, before the convention, Melania insisted that she wrote her own speech with “as little help as possible.” Oh? Then what do you call this?
WHY YOU LYING? People don’t realize that the theme of this week is RECEIPTS. Everybody got em. Kim Kardashian pulled out hers for Taylor and now Melania’s plagiarism on this final paper is on front street.
She was probably about to be like “When I grew up on the Southside of Chicago… wait. No. That’s not the part I was supposed to say.” Bless her heart, though, because this mess is what kicked off the #FamousMelaniaTrumpQuotes hashtag, which was the gift that kept on giving on Twitter.
And to top all that off, it was announced that Omarosa has been hired to be Trump’s Director of African American Outreach. That’s like being President of the George W. Bush Genius Club. It does not compute nor does it make sense. How is your dumb ass gon hire a woman that Black people don’t even like to get Black people to like him? Everything is stupid and nothing makes sense.
Oh and Scott Baio and Anthony Sabato Jr. spoke? WHO? Right. It truly was an assemblage of supreme fuckshit.
I’m fully expecting Satan himself to be standing on the podium come Thursday, next to #TrumpPence. This Convention is going to turn into Lord of the Flies and someone is gonna get thrown off a cliff as they blow a conch.
It was only day 1, y’all. WHYYYY????