Dubya’s Sway and Smiles to the Battle Hymn is My Favorite Thing About Today
There are times when I low-key miss the George W. Bush presidential years. Ok I admit, the only thing I miss about him is the ability to lambast him. Dubya was the guy who invited everyone to the kegger in college and was a BEAST at beer pong. He was not supposed to run to the store, let alone run a country. But he did. For 8 years. And ruined a lot of shit. The only joy we had was in making fun of him because he is so laugh-at-able.
He’s been mostly quiet and out the spotlight during the Obama administration’s time in office so we ain’t heard or seen too much Dubya. He makes his triumphant return, doe.
There was a memorial service for the five Dallas police officers who were killed last week, and POTUS Barack Obama and FLOTUS Michelle were in attendance. Next to them were their predecessors: Dubya and Laura Bush. During the singing of the Battle Hymn of the Republic, which has a chorus of “Glory, Glory Halleluyah” number 43 got his sway and smile in as they all held hands.
It might not be appropriate but it surely is HILARIOUS. Let’s watch and break this down:
Posted by CNN on Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Lawd, we can’t take Dubya NOWHERE. When I tell you I have watched this thing about 15 times, I am not lying. It is the gift that keeps on giving and I have cackled every single time I watched it.
First of all, Laura looks like she is just fed up of his shit. Like she’s thinking: “Why do I even take him places? Why do I let him out the house, Fatha Gawd?”
President Obama is on the other side like “My name is Bennett and I ain’t in it.” See, he knows how to act. Michelle deserves an award for not snatching her hand away and maintaining her composure as she babysits the grown toddler next to her. Dubya over there swaying like it got windy. Sir, stahp! She looks like she wants to pop him in the head and tell him to sit his ass down. Especially since he’s carrying on and tryna include her in his shenanigans by swinging his arms all high.
YOU KNOW the only reason he didn’t start stomping across the stage marching is because Laura and Michelle had that death grip on him cuz he was one loose hand from pop locking all over that stage. Bless the women for keeping him together. They are the real MVPs. Our girl, Auntie Shellie, especially with those biceps of steel. She has been working out all these years for such a time as this.
Dubya over there jolly as fuck, refusing to take any cues from anyone else. Ol’ “OMG SANTA I KNOW HIM!!!” face. Sir, why you got the Christmas spirit during a hymnal? You ‘posed to be solemn and introspective. Who didn’t tell him they were going to a funeral? Did someone forget to give him a list of rules? Over here getting his life from this like he’s at karaoke. This is clearly HIS JAM. It came on and he was like “OH THIS MY SHIT” and went to work on that sway. Did he catch the Holy Ghost? Why could he not stay still?
George W. is the guy your teacher assigns to be your “buddy” on the field trip in 2nd grade so you end up having NO FUN because you spend half the day at the Museum of Science and Industry chasing him around so he won’t step over the rail and ruin the giant diorama of the Chicago skyline. He’s the kid who ruined the $10,000 Lego display when his parent turned their back for 30 seconds. He is the one who Grandma has to mean mug from the other side of the pew on Sunday because he keeps acting up during sermon.
For 8 years, THIS dude had the nuclear codes. We almost ain’t make it. How many near misses? It’s okay. I don’t even wanna know. We just thank Jah for seeing us through.
Related, Laura Bush is a saint. A HUMANITARIAN, even. This is the shit she gotta put up with everyday. Her husband is just out here couth-deficient and simple as a broken rope. He needs a chaperone always.
Whew. But lemme go watch that video 5 more times so I can get my life.
Dubya: Can I just do cabbage patch?
Michelle: *through gritted teeth so only he can hear* George, you got one more time before I get you together! Try it if you want.
Laura: Do you understand why I’m always tired? Anyway, thanks Michelle.
Barack: LOLLLL I’ll just be over here. Behaving.
We really can’t take Dubya NOWHERE.