Culture

My Prayers for You on World Jollof Rice Day!

Two years ago, I had a party to celebrate my blog’s Golden birthday. I had a food bar and a dessert bar with cupcakes and banana pudding. And I had 2 trays of jollof rice, cooked by my Mom, the Jollof Slayer. My party started at 7pm. At 7:45pm, I saw an empty tray of jollof and asked my party planner to bring out the 2nd tray. She said “That WAS the second tray.” See my life. The jollof finished in 45 minutes. Everything else was still plentiful.

Jollof rice finished

#NeverForget

On that day, I turned many of my American friends into believers of the church of Jollof, especially my mom’s. Some of them will drop by my crib acting like they came to say hi when they know they came to raid my fridge for my mom’s jollof. I AM ON TO THEM.

Today is a day of honor around the world. Why? Because it is World Jollof Rice Day. Why is this day not one that we make sure we celebrate everywhere by guaranteeing that we eat at least one bowl of jollof no matter where we are? Why is today a work day? Honestly, none of us should have to do any work today to pay proper respects.

Some of you might be wondering “what is jollof rice?” THE GREATEST THING JESUS INVENTED. Or a tomato-based rice that we love in West Africa. It is our mac and cheese. It is necessary at every special event and everyone has their own version. Jollof is an important part of our cuisine in Nigeria, and lack of it at parties is blasphemous.

Jollof rice

Look at Heaven on a plate. LOOK AT IT.

We usually eat it with plantains and some type of meat. BUT I am not against eating it by itself. Why not?

Jollof is a party in your mouth that no one else is invited to. It is rice grains dipped in essence of deliciousness and the hopes and dreams of the ancestors. Jollof rice is a gift and I am obsessed.

The most hateful tweet I’ve ever gotten was when someone was in my mentions talmbout “jollof rice is bootleg chinese food.” Thunder go fire them! I think I reported them as spam because that is hate speech and I will not stand for it.

Other countries have jollof too. It originated in Senegal but Nigerians perfected it and everyone can thank us for it. Original does not mean best. We will accept your gratitude in the form of sacks of long grain rice so we can make more. The Ghanaians. See. Lemme not start an ECOWAS war. They try with their counterfeit jollof but it’s not their fault that it doesn’t curl all the way over. Ghana jollof will not measure up. YEAH I SAID IT. FIGHT ME.

jollof wars

They try sha. This jollof wars they wanna engage in with us. It’s not fair that they just want to lose. It’s ok.

Note: LMAOOOO! See me starting something.

Anyway, on today’s special occasion, I wanted to drop some prayers for you. Because in the name of the God of Jollof, prosperity is yours. Say amen after every line.

May your jollof always taste like party jollof with the extra flavorful bottom pot.

May you never run out of maggi cubes on the day you plan on cooking your jollof.

May your aunty’s prayer of grace before the meal never go so long that the jollof gets cold before you can eat it.

jollof rice is finished

May the caterer who you’ve hired specifically to cook just the jollof bring the cooler to your party on time, so your guests won’t feel insulted for having to wait. Man cannot sustain on plantains alone.

May your jollof not be soggy, because the person who cooked it put too much oil so now there’s all this oil at the bottom of the pot and it ruins everything. 

May your jollof always be the PAHFECT orange color. Yellow jollof will not be our portion in Jesus’ mighty name.

May your enemies never encounter good jollof. Let all the jollof they taste lack all potential for yumminess, Father. Why? Because they forgot to put onions in it.

May you always be in the presence of Naija jollof, for it is the only jollof that matters. AMEN AMEN AMEN!

HOOMYGAWD. That looks amazing. Lemme go get my life and chop jollof. Don’t jealous me.


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37 Comments

  1. Michele
    August 22, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    You’re an evil individual for posting this when my lunch hour is still an hour away. My stomach just growled why does Luvvie hate me, I never did anything to her.

  2. August 22, 2016 at 12:30 pm

    Are there people who use Knorr Swiss instead of Maggi? Is this a political battle?

    • Chioma
      August 22, 2016 at 8:13 pm

      Ooh political. I think you’re onto something lol. But depending on what’s available in the area. I go to college in the middle of Michigan so Knorr is all they’ve got at prefrontal markets. But Maggi is best and I always grab extra from my mum’s cupboard whenever I go home hahah

      • Chioma
        August 22, 2016 at 8:14 pm

        *oriental markets

        • August 22, 2016 at 8:38 pm

          I kinda liked the idea of ‘prefrontal’ markets, picturing aisles and aisles of lobes

  3. Ejiro
    August 22, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    I only just followed you this morning and now I can see why. God led me to this page so that my life will be impacted by your Prayers! Amen! Happy Jollof Rice day!

  4. Adrienne
    August 22, 2016 at 12:40 pm

    I have only had Liberian Jollof Rice. I have a Ghanian friend, but she has never made it for me and I don’t have a Nigerian friend outside of cyberspace. I do, however, live in the DMV and there is a Nigerian restaurant about 10 min from my job. I may have to get there this week!

    • August 22, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      Here’s a recipe http://www.9jafoodie.com/brown-rice-jollof/. You’re welcome.

      • Summer_Dawn
        August 26, 2016 at 10:35 am

        I was going to say! All that praise to jollof and not a single recipe for those of us who haven’t had the pleasure yet. Thank you!

    • Ashley
      August 23, 2016 at 3:34 pm

      Where in the DMV? I have a restaurant in DC that I go to at least bi-weekly for a fix. They know me and my order now lol. I got turned on to jolloff when I was little because of a friend of my mom’s. Bless them!! I love it. and now I’ll probably go get some because..priorities

      I would love to be able to make this myself, but I need to be in a Nigerian aunties kitchen watching her process before I attempt..I’m no fool lol

    • Lene
      March 9, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      Liberian is the best!

  5. Nitha
    August 22, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    *googling recipes since Luvvie too busy eating to give us one*

    • Crlsweetie
      August 22, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      I shole was scrolling for the recipe! How you gonna extol the virtue of jollof and not share a recipe!!!!

      • MzCafe
        August 22, 2016 at 3:34 pm

        same here!! I need the recipe in my life!
        But this had me HOLLERING —> Thunder go fire them! I think I reported them as spam because that is hate speech and I will not stand for it.

    • August 22, 2016 at 8:36 pm

      Oops, posted it a little higher.

      Here’s a recipe http://www.9jafoodie.com/brown-rice-jollof/. You’re welcome.

  6. August 22, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    I was at this party. And I was the one scraping the sides of the pan and the spoon to get just a taste of this wonderfulness. and it was good. #NoShame.

    Also, I’m coming around your way Labor Day weekend. What is your mom, I mean… you up to? Can I stop by? Love ya! Kthxbai

  7. Bonnie B.
    August 22, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Where in the name of all that is holy is a damb RECIPE for this life-giving substance?!?!? Will your sainted mother share hers? PUHLEEZE?!?!

  8. Shelbey
    August 22, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    I want it so bad now! And I’ve never had it and don’t know how to make it, and I don’t know anyone Nigerians! What is this life??? *cries at desk*

  9. blackberry molasses
    August 22, 2016 at 2:10 pm

    on this, the most holy of days, you wish to start with the Ghanaians.
    today should be peaceful between us, eh?
    today i will graciously not show you your life. because jollof. but tomorrow….

  10. August 22, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    “May your enemies never have perfect jollof rice”…LMAO! However, the perfect jollof is just that amazing and should only be enjoyed by those who deserve it. I want some jollof rice with some cassava leaves with chicken…RIGHT NOW.

  11. Susie
    August 22, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    I don’t eat rice, but I pray that all that do gets their life

  12. Sarah
    August 22, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    I would like to express insult and offense on behalf of the original, founding nation of said rice. Yous bettah pay amish and put some respek on our name. #Senegal #ThiebuDieuneFoTheWin #tchum #sucksteeth

  13. Boo Radley
    August 22, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    “The most hateful tweet I’ve ever gotten was when someone was in my mentions talmbout “jollof rice is bootleg chinese food.”

    … I am the one who slung that travesty into your mentions. It was an uncontrollable reflex, kind of like when you smell sour milk and your first reaction is to thrust it at someone else and say “sniff this.”

    I’ll behave henceforth.

  14. Adrienne Adams
    August 22, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    This looks like the manna from heaven we cook in The Bahamas (minus the pigeon peas). Our rice is probably a decendant from your venerable (or venerated) Jollof Rice!
    So happy World Jollof Rice Day to you! I know what I’ll be cooking for dinner tonight.

  15. Shannyn
    August 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    This- “Thunder go fire them” that’s all I need for today cuz the bootleg jollof rice I had this weekend tasted like a vinyl purse from the swap meet

    • Edith
      August 22, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      You just killed me with that!!!!

  16. Martha
    August 22, 2016 at 5:14 pm

    Recipe please or how will the newbies like me know we’re tryna make it the right way? Surely there’s a Nigerian restaurant in this town.

  17. Serenity
    August 22, 2016 at 7:53 pm

    I made red beans and rice for dinner… You know Monday and all. And it was beautiful AND delicious. It too is red. Does that count?

  18. Fifi
    August 22, 2016 at 9:18 pm

    Did you read about the jollof rice controversy in the Guardian?

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/aug/22/world-jollof-day-jamies-oliver-rice-scandals

    This is serious shit.

  19. Julieth
    August 23, 2016 at 3:05 am

    “Thunder go fire them!”

    Amen 🙌😂

    Get into formation or get eliminated 😒

  20. August 23, 2016 at 3:23 pm
  21. Stacy
    August 23, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    I have never heard of or tasted Jollof Rice but if you love it that much to make a post about it, I need to taste it ASAP. The way you feel about it sounds how Puerto Ricans feel about pernil. Try to have a family function without some and see how many people ever come to one of your parties again. You will lose all of your edges if you ever make a pernil and it isn’t good not to mention how badly your Titis will talk about you FOREVER. Now excuse me while I try to make friends with someone’s Nigerian grandma. (Grandmas are the best cooks)

    • August 24, 2016 at 5:53 am

      Lawd Pernil gives me so much life! I just made another one over the weekend and smile when I come home for the leftovers.

  22. Mimi
    August 25, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    This post TRIGGERED me, Luvvie! It brought back the memory of my last taste of jollof rice. My late auntie (by marriage) made me jollof rice, plantains and stewed oxtails and a pan of potato biscuits, for my birthday. My dusty-trifling- nasty-azz college roommate and the rest of her trifling crew ate my food…

    Which consisted of one plate!
    One plate!

    I still livid over it.

  23. Linguere Wollof Princess
    August 26, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    The original Senegambian “Jollof” from the Land of Jollof cooked by Wollof people is still the best! My Nigerian, Ghanaian, Liberian, Cameroonian, Togolese, Malian friends all agree!

    https://xmyls220.wordpress.com/2016/08/19/the-jollof-rice-debate-settled/

  24. Darlin Nicky
    September 8, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    Luvvie I am now obsessed. I just looked up how to make it on youtube. yeah so clearly I need to search for 1 or 2 ingredients. My question to you is – if you were in NYC and had a serious craving for this dish, where would you go to get it? Name, address, and phone number is needed for this establishment please. Thanks!

  25. Joy
    September 12, 2016 at 11:25 am

    Song Lyrics:
    · Rice Is Nice
    Brendon: Rice is nice, but it’s just a grain.
    Jason: I like rice, just the same.
    Melissa: So I’m not insane.
    (All of them singing over each other)
    Melissa: Hola! I am Spanish rice!
    Jason: Hello! I am pilaf.
    Melissa: And this my friend, is wild…
    Brendon: I’m wild rice!!!
    Melissa & Jason: Wild rice, wild rice, that’s his name, wild rice, get wild!
    Melissa: Long grain or short grain-
    Jason: Brown or white!
    Brendon: Rice is the nicest grain, I-
    All: LIKE!!!!!!!!
    http://homemovies.toonzone.net/WritersBlock7.jpg