Because the Only Thing Chip Readers are Good For is Embarrassing Us
Remember when chips were placed on our credit and debit cards? And financial institutions were all excited because this would make checking out much faster? And we were like “but I’m fine putting in my pin” and they were all “NO NO NO you are not. That takes too long and it’s not secure enough.” And we said: “I don’t see what the big deal is. Leave it as it is.” And they replied with “no, this is much more convenient. You’re all welcome.”
Yeah. Now they’ve forced these chips on our cards, with pomp and circumstance. So we started having to use it and all it’s caused is embarrassment as we stand there deciding whether we need to swipe or insert the chip side? Mmhmm.
I am usually a decisive person but you should see me whenever I get to the register and the delay in my brain on whether I need to swipe or insert. Or I go to swipe and I’m like “oh yeah. The chip.” The struggle is real.
And here’s the part that kills me softly. Why does the chip reader take so long that I need to take a nap and shower before pulling my card out?? It’s sitting there “processing” and blinking at me for what feels like eternity, and I’m looking at the cashier, wondering if I should be making small talk because this awkward silence is too much. Then it finally finishes and it rings the alarm for you to pull it out. USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE, CARD MACHINE.
Those damb chip readers. Straight sabotage!
I took it to my Awesomely Luvvie FB page, and my peeps felt my pain, especially when it comes to how long they take to process.
Tamara: I’m saying… my ex husband didn’t take that long to pull out.
Lynn: Like the chip reader is actually calling the bank and checking your credit score before approving the purchase.
Aaron: Oh it gets worse, at Bed Bath Beyond today, I put my card in the chip reader, asked to pay with credit not debit, and had to Type My Dang cc number into the machine, the exp date, and the cvv. Whhhhyyyy?
Cia: I might have left all the items and just gone home.
Leah: It didn’t ask for your blood type? You got off easy!!!
Megan: Hell yes with the first world problems. And if we could possibly standardize the buttons and signature/no-signature requirement that would be delightful. Please and thank you.
Jules: You don’t have tap?????? Chip readers are soooo passe…… I thought Americans were ahead of Canadians!!!! LOL…
Cia: Donald Trump is a contender for president. At this point, we’re only ahead of Mexico and not by much. Lol!
Julia: And then it yells at you if you don’t pull out quick enough -like you might get it pregnant or something.
Alesia: And why is it so frantic? “DO NOT REMOVE CARD. DO NOT REMOVE CARD.” Okay okay, calm down already!
Molly: It’s all caps screaming DO NOT REMOVE CARD for 8.5 minutes and then immediately starts screaming TAKEITOUTTAKEITOUTTAKEITOUTWTFHAVENTYOUTAKENITOUTALREADY
Joslyn: Why does the chip sound like you are taking merchandise out of the store?
Tracey: Love the way it holds your card hostage for an eternity, then demands that you take it away!! #makeupyourmind
Esther: Chip reader treat us like a bitch. DONT REMOVE CARD TIL I TELL YOU TO. ⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️⏳⌛️ OK NOW HOE. TAKE YOUR CARD. I SAY TAKE YOUR CARD WITCHO BROKE AZZ! Beeeeeeeeep
Zahra: I promise you I just said this to a clerk at the Dollar General the other day!! That dang thing takes 13 years to go through, then the thing kinda growls or beeps like it’s being rejected by the bank! It’s too much!
Janelle: “The chip reader will be faster” they said…….LIES!!!!
Tammy: I feel I’ve become closer to the cashier at the grocery store because we have such a long time to chat while waiting for that chip to finish up its business. Might invite him to be on the Christmas card photo this year.
Mandy: I pulled it out prematurely once. It was a disaster. Lol
Rachel: And there’s also the fact that your card is just hanging out there on display for all to see with most of its numbers exposed. Someone could copy down those numbers by hand like 5 times before that dumbass machine beeps at you to remove your card like you fucked up and should have already removed it. 😒
Velma: I hate the beep in A-Minor key when your charge is APPROVED. Be happy dammit, don’t make it sound like my account is negative
Faida: Chip reader must be a man: DO NOT REMOVE CARD! (yeah girl!). PLEASE REMOVE CARD! (I got mine, please leave)
Jason: Cause your credit card be calling homeland security and holding you while they come. That’s what I feel like.
Chris: That GD premature pull out gets ’em every time.
Tina: And the facial expression is the same. 😑
Kimberly: Then you have the checkouts that’s set up for Apple or Samsung pay and it doesn’t work. Then you have to get out the chip card and have to see if it’s insert or swipe. Tew much to get some Cheetos.
Christopher: Might as well break out your check book. The chip reader takes just as long.
Rebecca: I’m going back to cash
Angie: It’s probably on a smoke break with the GPS lady.
Mauri: Always having me scared it’s gonna be declined even though I double check my balance while shopping and triple check while waiting in line. #HolyRunOnBatman!
Dani: And why do stores have the chip reader machine, but it doesn’t work? So I’m inserting the card and waiting like a fking dummy, the after we both stare at each other for a minute she says oh, that doesn’t work, you have to slide it.
WHAT’S THE POINT OF HAVING THIS STUPID MACHINE IF IT DOESN’T WORK!?!?!
True story. Down with the chip readers, man. OVER THEM.