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Kirk Franklin: The Christian Goon We Need

People are gon get their asses popped in the name of Cheeto Satan. After the UNCONSCIONABLE and UNJUSTIFIABLE Muslim Ban that Tangerine Voldemort ordered, folks found themselves feelin froggy. Christians who actually want to be Christ-like renounced it loudly, and that included Kirk Franklin, gospel singer and pocket preacher.

He was minding his business and showing love to our Muslim family when some trogolodyte decided to reply with a threat. See how one of God’s children handled it:

LET HIM KNOW! In JESUS NAME, try me if you want to! 1,000 points for this Christian goon. Folks gon let the holy trick them into getting mollywhopped in the name of the Father, Joseph’s stepson and the Ghost. What Kirk lacks in height, he got in bullets and what you ain’t gon do is threaten to roll up in his house.

I dropped this on my Facebook and we had a field day.


Ebony: “For those of you who think that gospel music has gone too far…You ain’t seen NOTHING YET!!!! Do you want a revolution?!!!” – Kirk told that man “Try Jesus. Not me!”

Nicole: I promise the STOMP, the whole STOMP, Nothing but the STOMP…

Sarah: Kirk singing “Stomp” as he beats up home intruders like “Oh brother can’t you seeeeee. …I got that victoryyyyy….STOMP!”…..crunch….bones breaking…

Kehinde: Kirk pretty much said “I wish you would… in Jesus’s name!” buhahahahha!

Aeisha: My dad is a minister holy ghost filled man of god and he’ll tell you “Give your soul to jesus and your ass to me” he plays ZERO games and will blow a hole clean through you. And pray for you in Jesus name.

Angela: People forget how Peter cut off that man’s ear off. Don’t get it twisted, sanctified people will fight too.

Shalom: I remind folks Jesus said, “I don’t come in peace, I come with a sword.”

Linda: Jesus flipped tables too.

Kim: I remember my preacher daddy taking me to a boys house he caught me with in the house. My dad took a gun and sat it on his lap and told that boy’s dad don’t let your son find Jesus before he wants to. No one at my school ever wanted to date me after that.

Althea: Biblical translation of “Catch these Hands”

Kim: From the book of First Pettylonians: “verily thee have asked and thus thy shall receive…a beat down”.

Tina: Kirk said, “I wish a negro would come for my family…turn the other cheek, my ass”

Shalom: He’s got 1st Class seating during the Blaxit.

Stacia: Oh yes, Christians can get down too. We wasn’t always saved. And hey, Jesus didn’t “ask” the merchants to leave the temple, He was whippin fools!

James: Roll up,” in Jesus name” – Kirk Franklin

Nana: Jesoz name, you gon catch these holy-ghost-olive-oil-santified hands. Hallelllluuuuuuuyyyyaaaahhhh.

LaShundra: Just like Putin said “vengeance might be the Lord’s but it’s my job to send you to him”. Only thing he said I’ve agreed with lol

Shonda: The clap back is EPIC! Lolololol. Don’t fool with the man who penned ‘Stomp’ and asked you if you want a revolution… cuz you will wind up getting more than your feelings hurt. Amen. #headnod

Natasha: Brother Kirk said “Don’t let the skinny Jeans and Jesus fool ya!!!”

Rock: Right. Folks think because you a Christian you won’t protect yourself. Folks better stop playing dumb. You can’t come at folks about their kids and expect a real nice response.

Brenishia: Kirk said come catch these Christian hands. Let me help you get to know Jesus and meet him.

Heather: Apparently Kirk was in church the day they taught …What would Jesus Do DOES cover … beating people up and kicking people out your house if they don’t act right. Them money lenders can tell ya.

Andrea: My Daddy used to say, “That’s how God gets angels, you ready to become one?

Peta: That’s right Kirk! Kirk said come on so I can make you meet the Lord in person…Amen.

Lisa: Kirk said he’ll sit the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit on the shelf for a minute to show bruh a few things!

Gwen: As Madea says..”.Piece Be Steel” and “Hold Your Piece, and let da Lort fight your battles…Hallelur”

Carol: Somebody buy that T shirt that says “Don’t let your President get your ass whipped”

Kaye: IDK what made ppl think Kirk Franklin is a punk. His little ass always got something to prove.

Robert: When you have to turn into your alter ego Plies to let people know “homie don’t play that!”

Tamra: He’s about to make his fists rain down like the melodies from heaven.

Heather: Kirk was like, you can have a blessing and these hands.

Chris: Kirk aka Plies Franklin said . . . To those of you in the struggle, this ain’t what you want. #ClapBackGospel #TheFireNextTime #InJesusName #HeyMan

Harmony: Can he get a witness?

Sigrid: Twitter fingers turned back to trigger fingers real quick!

Linda: Don’t let those tight pants fool ya. He’ll personally introduce ya to the Man he sings about.

Kira: My dad always tell people “I ain’t always been a church goer. Okay? God bless!”

Jenni: Look at Rev. Sassypants!

Keisha: Amen!! Kirk said he WILL arrange a meeting between you and your savior.

Sitta: And provide refreshments in the form of a baptism

Keisha: Baptism and repast. 2 for 1. Let the chuuuch say..

Alexis: *sips communion juice*

Gloria: Love it! He’s like…. Come thru if you want, see what happens…. In Jesus name!

Karisa: Run up, get done up in JESUS’ name!!!!

Cicely: Don’t come for Kirk unless he sends for you!

Jennifer: Cuz that’s Plies’ brother for real. #Goonz

Eunice: Thus forth I will now end all of my e-thuggin posts with “In Jesus name” in hopes that God will work things out in my favor.

Tainette: I declare “In Jesus name” 2017’s new “Bless your heart.”

Arlisa: Kirk Plies is not here for the games.

Tianna: Kirk said “I ain’t a killer, but don’t push me!”

Sheri: Somebody bout to catch them holy hands

Cherie: When the hood I come from jumps out of the a good Christian I’m trying to be.

Miracle: Kirk is about 4’11 3/4 with church shoes on. I swear to it…I’ve stood beside him. And he can spin and jig with the best of ’em. But Uncle Kirk just set them straight.

Karisa: Kirk got his heat, Mahalia and Shirley, ready to introduce you to your Maker.

Melissa: Somebody on another post said that this convinced them that Kirk and Plies were separated at birth. I literally fell the hell out…

La Dadriel: Somebody said Kirk ran off the plug twice.

Tonja: YAAAASSSS GP ARE YOU WIT ME, OH YEAH WE GOT THESE HANDS WE AINT GOIN NO WHEAH

Candice: He said if you walk up on me and mines “YOUR life is in MY hands”

Tishika: Kirk got them one way tickets to Glory for him.

Adetoun: Even Jesus flipped a few tables.


And it was well.

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31 Comments

  1. Jasmyn
    January 30, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    “From the book of First Pettylonians…”
    I am WHEEZING!!!!!

    • Drea
      January 31, 2017 at 6:54 pm

      I snort laughed! 😂🤣🤣

    • Sam
      February 1, 2017 at 1:47 pm

      That one killed me, too.

  2. Melissa
    January 30, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    This just shows that some of yall in the comments need to read the Word more…Jesus never whipped noone with a whip.He flipped over a few tables but noone was hurt.Also…Jesus said He came to deliver the sword…sword of the spirit…the word of God..also that christians would be persecuted.You can be angry..but sin not.As for kirk..i could understand how he would feel..but my brother..let us remember that the Lord fights all our battles..no weapons formed against me shall prosper…dont let the heat of the moment cause you to stumble in sin.For if the Lord be for me..who can be against me.The Lord is my light and my salvation..whom shall I fear.Life and death lies in the power of the tounge.A wise man will learn to tame his tounge…

    • Breakthrough
      January 31, 2017 at 6:23 am

      You need real ligion (genuine relationship with God. He knows you better than you know yourself). He sees your heart. Mr. Franklin was not out of order. He didn’t disregard any of your rattling offs of The Word. #Religion overrated#smh.

    • Dre
      January 31, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      Whut?

    • L McClain
      January 31, 2017 at 10:00 pm

      Amen!!

  3. Jester
    January 31, 2017 at 12:19 am

    U r correct Melissa, but U missed the joke… y’all KNOW Kirk is the gospel version of Prince… both of whom will/ would put a holy ghost whuppin on U..

    • Carricnh12
      February 3, 2017 at 4:41 pm

      Tounge is the British spelling, used not only there but in the Caribbean, now watch me ease back out, peace be unto you my sister’s.☺

  4. Sean
    January 31, 2017 at 3:16 am

    No, Melissa is not right, but she sure sounds good and religious, doesn’t she? Good for you, Melissa, you would let threats toward you or your family slide “in the name of Jesus.” Sweet little Pharisee would quote scripture whilst under attack, I guess. Girl, lighten up. People are JOKING. It’s perfectly okay to find humor in life. You would probably be surprised to find that God does, too. Besides, you ASSUME “no one was hurt,” but he DID DRIVE THEM OUT with the whip. “I come not to send peace, but a sword.” Jesus said that. You add your own interpretation to stand in judgment of others. Please have several seats. And the word is t-o-n-g-u-e. There’s no such thing as a “tounge.” Get you straight before you try to criticize others over NOTHING. That’s why some find a Christian lifestyle unattractive–bad examples always trying to correct somebody else. It’s hypocrisy. Please stop it. Have a laugh or two. God won’t mind.

    • Ke
      January 31, 2017 at 7:25 pm

      “God won’t mind.” YESSSS!!!! All of this.

    • L McClain
      January 31, 2017 at 10:06 pm

      Sean, Melissa is entitled to her opinion as is everyone. Attacking it makes you look angry. If you don’t agree keep scrolling. Sounds like Melissa believes what she’s saying, whether you believe it or not. As for those that shy away from Christianity they can blame man all they want but they will not have to answer to him. And that’s what I believe

    • NaturallySonja
      February 1, 2017 at 12:45 pm

      Let the church say Amen!

  5. Caroline will
    January 31, 2017 at 3:31 am

    Kirk Franklin don’t of to worry about the ungodly the ungodly needs to repent and be baptized of their sins Kirk don’t fight battles with satanic people he will leave them God will show them the way be not afraid for hod our saviour is always with his anointed people remember that his eyes is on us watching us like sparrow. Satan stirring up the big pot now he put certain orange people on certain places to confused the world but as Christians in the holy mighty name of Jesus our lord above all mankind let nit our hearts be troubled neither let it be afraid of the terror by day or night who hide in dark secret places by night to harmbus or who shoot out arrows by day in the might name of Jesus blot out behalzbub away from god’s anointed people in the name of jesus net not ur anointed people get caught up with satan battle

  6. Cynthia Swinton
    January 31, 2017 at 6:51 am

    U cannot bless God and curse men, as the word of God’s says, and also our words must be full of grace seasoned with salt, nor does suppose to twist God’s word!

  7. Toni
    January 31, 2017 at 7:29 am

    Some of ya’ll are way too extra. Ya’ll ain’t winning no souls with the hyper-religious talk. Chill out. We need laughs right now…relax your spirits.

  8. January 31, 2017 at 8:23 am

    Rabid man who deh, pon, deh.lord side stay an who deh. pon. Deh.devil side stay yeahman

  9. January 31, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Keep it cool

  10. David Caldwell
    January 31, 2017 at 10:22 am

    Here’s the deal. This guy leveled a veiled they at Mr. Franklin. As a father and a minister if you place a threat toward any of my kids, veiled or open, you might want to make sure your life insurance policy is up to date. The reason being if you come, just remember I am a man of God, but the first word is MAN. As a father I was given one job on the day my children were born, protector.

    • Lolly
      January 31, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      I agree David. It wasn’t a thinly disguised threat either. It was quite blatant. So he gets what he gets.

      My Daddy is a Reverend and he is famous for saying, “If anyone messes with my children, I will kill him and then commit his body to the ground.”

      I take it a step further. I’m also a minister and if some dude even GLANCE funny at my kids, I’ll take him out and then sue his family for him getting his blood on my shoes. (I am sooooooo not joking).

  11. lynette s temple
    January 31, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Get in your closlet and talk to the father you help comes from on high and not in man truely something i had to learn in my life man will and can caue to loose your life.whom did not give you. So press your way through and remove yourself and allow god to work it work

  12. January 31, 2017 at 1:59 pm

    Why does it appear my fellow Christians in the comments section have a strained relationship with spelling, punctuation, and grammar Father God? Spell check is never too busy, and just like The Lord, is always on time. Amen?!

    ANYWAYS!

    Rev. Kirk Franklin was ready and willing to take ol boy down by the riverside. I literally had to listen to some GP classics after reading the tweet and the FB comments because I was inconsolable. Never change, Rev. Scrappy Doo. Never change.

    • Bianca
      January 31, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      Amen! As a self-declared grammar enthusiast, I’m so here for your comment! LOL!

    • LeeLee
      January 31, 2017 at 4:40 pm

      I. LOVE. THIS!!! Amen!

    • TJ
      February 5, 2017 at 12:54 pm

      I am so weak at “Rev. Scrappy Doo”!!!

  13. January 31, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    that Kirk Franklin-Plies meme had me reaching for my inhaler.

  14. dara67
    January 31, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    Kirk Frankin in my eyes if an exuberant vessel for the Lord. But I do remember a song that he does live with Rance Allen,”Something about The Name Jesus.” In that version of the song, he does state,”When all Muslims and all Jews will bow their head to Jesus.” There are other references in the song regarding other religions. I love love love Kirk, but I’m just saying.

  15. TT
    January 31, 2017 at 5:29 pm

    Fantastic Hands and where to catch them did me all the way in lololol….where do people find the time?

  16. notconvincedgranny
    January 31, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    “Thou dost not throw shade if thou cannot throw hands”- Niggalations 17:38

    • YvMarie
      February 5, 2017 at 3:59 am

      Niggalations?!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
      J.K. and those Hands!! 🤣😂 Love it!