Famous folks

On the First Day of Black History Month, Beyoncé Gave To Us… TWINS

Listen. We needed something good. We were all in dire need of some news that will lift our spirits and make us SANG. Yesterday, the Matron Saint of Being EVERYTHING, Beyoncé, broke the internet. She has been laying low for months and minding her business. But yesterday, she made her triumphant return by making us all lose our shit with news that she is pregnant with twins.

I almost cried like I know the woman. It was as if I was there as she was doing the sonogram that revealed TWO instead of one. I was in my feels for this lady. It was like November 8-gate happened and she looked at Jay-Z and said in all her selfless glory “We need to bring some light into the world.” And so it was done.

We needed this, man. We needed this like edges need castor oil. We needed this like New York men need Timbs. We needed this like Nigerians need rice. We needed this like Democrats needs spines. We needed this like we need Captain Planet to swoop in and save us all.

As always, Black women to the rescue. I don’t even care that nothing in this picture goes together. Yes, she has on a burgundy lace bra with acid wash panties and a veil that is just not explainable in front of random funeral flowers. YES SHE DOES. Sure, it looks like 4 pictures in one. It might even look like she wanted to troll us and dare us to check her. AND??? At this point, I find joy wherever I can.

Also, this picture, because the internet is unfuckwitable:

And those folks who were mad at people for celebrating this news need to sit their non-multitasking asses down. As we went through the Stages of Social Media Dealing With a Beyonce Event, people were in our newsfeeds scolding. Yes, we can care about Bey AND the world at the same time. Ol’ can’t walk and chew gum at the same time ass simpletons. I had to tell people that shutting the hell up is free and if they don’t care about this news, they can use that coupon code.

This time last year, Bey dropped LEMONADE on us. Now she’s dropping news of the newest heirs to the Carter throne. The woman is a servant and a saint and I am here for her. I might even send in an application to the BeyHive, and think about paying membership dues.

Lemme go buy Blue Ivy a “Big Sister” tshirt. Red Petunia and Purple Hibiscus are going to bust on to the scene in this year of our Lord, to keep our hope alive as we watch our country crumble. I am ready to welcome them. The ancestors are pleased. Ashé.

Welcome to FEARLESS FEBRUARY. We kicked it off in the best way!


Have you bought my debut book I’M JUDGING YOU: The Do-Better Manual. Haven’t ordered it yet? Now’s your chance. You’ll love it. Amazon. Barnes & Nobles. iBooks. Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself). Kobo. Books-A-Million.

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16 Comments

  1. Lisa
    February 2, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    That picture of Jay-Z just about ENDED me! 😀

    Not sure if you follow D-Listed, but Michael K threw the names Chartreuse Marijuana and Periwinkle Fern into the blogosphere. I would TOTALLY name my kid Perwinkle! 😀

  2. Kiki
    February 2, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    DEAD at Red Petinia and Purple Hibiscus. Here lies ME!

  3. Bonnie B.
    February 2, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    The sunglasses under the veil. Dead. It’s the ONE accessory Beyonce left out of the original picture!

  4. Amelia
    February 2, 2017 at 2:09 pm

    “I don’t even care that nothing in this picture goes together. Yes, she has on a burgundy lace bra with acid wash panties and a veil that is just not explainable in front of random funeral flowers.”
    Lawd! This whole part had me cackling. Truth and I don’t even care 😆

    • Shelbey
      February 2, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      Me too! I was dying. So true! And amazing.

  5. February 2, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    It was like November 8-gate happened and she looked at Jay-Z and said in all her selfless glory “We need to bring some light into the world.” And so it was done. —HILARIOUS!!!! Thank you for this much needed laugh today.

  6. Casey
    February 2, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    Not JAY thooooooo, lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  7. RiniV
    February 2, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    THIS `THO!!

    “We needed this like Democrats needs spines. We needed this like we need Captain Planet to swoop in and save us all.”

    i. hollered. and snorted. and hollered some more.

    sn: sadly, it’s true. them Dems are more spineless than a bunch of everyday jellyfishes.

  8. Michele
    February 3, 2017 at 8:31 am

    Listen, I had to check some folks yesterday because I heard one “how can you focus on x when y and z are happening?”

    There’s enough outrage to go around for everybody, so go and getchu some, but I’m gonna steal these moments of joy wherever and wherever I can.

    Bless Miss Bey, always doing the most.

    • Michele
      February 3, 2017 at 8:32 am

      *one “how can you focus on x when y and z are happening?” too many.

      (Jesus be an edit feature)

  9. YvMarie
    February 4, 2017 at 5:08 am

    Beyoncé. Shining a light in the midst of darkness. 🌤💡🔦🕯 Thank you.

  10. me3
    February 4, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    Ok, confessoin… I did care that nothing matched. My GAWD! LOL! But I’m very happy for the Carters.

  11. Elizabeth
    February 7, 2017 at 9:48 am

    Can I just say that I love you? You’re bringing me joy, here in my inbox. That sounds dirty and I don’t mean it to. I just haven’t had a lot of reasons to laugh out loud of late (just like other sane people in the USA at the moment), and I am so grateful to you for making me spit my latte onto my keyboard in this moment.

  12. Truth
    February 7, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    I could care less about all of that! I love you Luvvie! But her having twins didn’t brighten my room let alone my day.

  13. Fawn
    February 8, 2017 at 7:26 am

    Wouldn’t it be extra cool if Beyonce reached out to Erykah Badu to be her Dolla?!

  14. MB
    February 11, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    Red Petunia and Purple Hibiscus! I am over crying real tears, lol!