Listen. We needed something good. We were all in dire need of some news that will lift our spirits and make us SANG. Yesterday, the Matron Saint of Being EVERYTHING, Beyoncé, broke the internet. She has been laying low for months and minding her business. But yesterday, she made her triumphant return by making us all lose our shit with news that she is pregnant with twins.
I almost cried like I know the woman. It was as if I was there as she was doing the sonogram that revealed TWO instead of one. I was in my feels for this lady. It was like November 8-gate happened and she looked at Jay-Z and said in all her selfless glory “We need to bring some light into the world.” And so it was done.
We needed this, man. We needed this like edges need castor oil. We needed this like New York men need Timbs. We needed this like Nigerians need rice. We needed this like Democrats needs spines. We needed this like we need Captain Planet to swoop in and save us all.
As always, Black women to the rescue. I don’t even care that nothing in this picture goes together. Yes, she has on a burgundy lace bra with acid wash panties and a veil that is just not explainable in front of random funeral flowers. YES SHE DOES. Sure, it looks like 4 pictures in one. It might even look like she wanted to troll us and dare us to check her. AND??? At this point, I find joy wherever I can.
Also, this picture, because the internet is unfuckwitable:
And those folks who were mad at people for celebrating this news need to sit their non-multitasking asses down. As we went through the Stages of Social Media Dealing With a Beyonce Event, people were in our newsfeeds scolding. Yes, we can care about Bey AND the world at the same time. Ol’ can’t walk and chew gum at the same time ass simpletons. I had to tell people that shutting the hell up is free and if they don’t care about this news, they can use that coupon code.
This time last year, Bey dropped LEMONADE on us. Now she’s dropping news of the newest heirs to the Carter throne. The woman is a servant and a saint and I am here for her. I might even send in an application to the BeyHive, and think about paying membership dues.
Lemme go buy Blue Ivy a “Big Sister” tshirt. Red Petunia and Purple Hibiscus are going to bust on to the scene in this year of our Lord, to keep our hope alive as we watch our country crumble. I am ready to welcome them. The ancestors are pleased. Ashé.
Welcome to FEARLESS FEBRUARY. We kicked it off in the best way!
Have you bought my debut book I’M JUDGING YOU: The Do-Better Manual. Haven’t ordered it yet? Now’s your chance. You’ll love it. Amazon. Barnes & Nobles. iBooks. Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself). Kobo. Books-A-Million.