I was minding your business on this quiet Saturday when Remy Ma derailed all my plans by dropping ShEther.
It is her manifesto of shade, directed at Nicki Minaj. I am here, as a witness, to the annihilation of Onika Maraj, in the hands of Reminisce Mackie. I stand before thee, in testimony to the power of the pen, when you are perturbed from someone trying you too much. And when you fresh out of chill.
I listened to that track and had to immediately apply some Jamaican Black Castor Oil to my hairline and give it a good massage. Because FATHA GAWD. REMY AIN’T LEAVE NICKI NO EDGES. No edges left behind. This wasn’t just a diss track. This was an epic read for the ages, brought here to bring us good cheer in this Black History Month. My feelings are hurt for Nicki. My feelings are hurt by proxy. I feel like *I* need to get my shit together from this.
It is petty poetry and a masterful shade sonnet. It is 7 minutes of verbal decimation. ShETHER is the reason for studying. I want to listen to it over and over again, taking notes and learning how I can be better at the art of letting people know how they need to have every gahtdamb seat.
But even more important, it was a do-better manual for us, as Remy dropped major keys for us to learn from about business, boss shit and authenticity. There are lessons to be learned in ShETHER. We just need to listen to them and receive it. Here are some things I took away from this track.
Plagiarism is unbehooving.
“You stole a line about bitches being your son. How you take my ’09 jail tweet and run?”
You should be an originator, not a thief. Don’t be the copycat, bro.
Get high quality body work.
“The only shots you ever took were in your buns. And I saw Meek at All-Star. He told me your ass dropped. He couldn’t fuck you for 3 months because your ass dropped. I don’t think you understand how bad her ass got. The implants that she had put in her ass popped.”
CHISOS IS LORD EVERLASTING. Look at Nicki’s life. If you insist on getting plastic surgery, please make sure you get the good kind. You want the high quality joints, so that you won’t have to wait 90 days to have sex with your man because your implants are so fragile, they popped. We do not use coupon codes for plastic surgery, y’all. This is how people end up with butt shots that make them looking like they’re smuggling 2 flattening soccer balls in their pants. Learn this lesson.
Also, Meek Mill is bitchmade because why is he running his slack jaws to tell someone else about Nicki? I see why he fails successfully so often.
Real rappers write rhymes.
“To be the queen of rap you gotta actually rap. The whole industry know that for you, it’s a wrap. No, to be queen of rap, you can’t have a ghostwriter. That’s why, this is my house, Flo Rida. Ni**as done seen Drake penning, Wayne penning.”
Is Nicki a rapper or a parrot? CHALLONJ.
“You an internet troll, a web browser. I’m sorry. You can’t get online without Safaree.”
Chrome is better, anyway. And keep your ex-boyfriend’s name out your mouth.
Don’t punk punks.
“How you on the VMAs acting like you hood? Talking about “Miley what’s good?” That’s Hannah Montana. She’s always happy. You only fronted on Mariah cuz Mariah don’t carry.”
If you’re gonna come for someone, come for someone on your own level. Not some raggedy Disney star who looks like she couldn’t win a fight with an ant. And not for a washed up pop singer whose security blanket must be the spaghetti strap slinky gowns she insists on wearing for every occasion. She’d probably wear them to the gym.
Ownership of your work is vital.
“You signed a 360 deal through Young Money, through Cash Money through Republic. Which means your money goes through 5 niggas before you touch it!… You make like 35 cents offa each ducket. I own my masters, bitch. Independent. So for every sale I do, you gotta do like 10.”
She said one, two, three, four, FIVE fools gotta get paid before she does. Chei! 360 deals are the devil, and the more middlemen you have, the less money you get. More important, as an artist and musician, you need to own your own work. Whoever controls the masters controls the money. Do not hustle backwards.
I’m over here reviewing ALL my contracts to make sure I’m doing right. #RemyMaTaughtMe.
Know your status.
“You hard of hearing from untreated Gonorrhea.”
This was about Foxy Brown. What Remy was saying is get tested, y’all. For everything.
Be a good role model to Black girls.
“I’m the bad girl? When she’s the one out here misleading Black girls. All these fake asses influenced by that girl, dying from bad surgeries. What a sad world.”
When you are a role model to Black girls, and you are showing them a funhouse mirror body that they might force themselves to achieve, you are not being as responsible as you should be. We cannot have our young girls looking at the body where you’re dragging fakeness behind you as ideal. This was a #TeachtheBabies moment.
Do not support pedophiles.
“And I got a few words for the moms of the young Barbs. Guess who supports a child molester: Nicki Minaj. You paying for your brother’s wedding. That’s hella foul. How you spending money to support a pedophile?”
I mean. The things we put out money behind speak loudly about where we place our values and priorities. So when Nicki decided to fund her brother’s wedding, she was saying his crimes were okay and she will still stand behind him, in spite of the fact that they were heinous. Yes, blood is blood. But we don’t need to condone all things kin do.
The entire 7 minutes is just one big wig snatch. I haven’t fact-checked, of course, but this is the type of shit that Nicki just needs to go lay down and low for a week or 5 over. How do you come back from this? What do you say to fix this ether? I have no clue.
Honestly, the biggest lesson here is that anyone who willingly wears blonde bangs while the rest of her hair is black is not someone to mess with.
Remy Ma ain’t the one, and now folks been put on notice. This is someone who was locked up for shooting her girl, who owed her less money than you’d pay for rent in a studio apartment in New York City. She BEEN told y’all she ain’t the one to try it with. Come for her and your career might be tanked as she drags you from here to Timbuktu. I know Papoose is somewhere proud AF of his babygirl.
This track wasn’t just to dropkick Nicki’s ego through the goalposts of life. It was to let people know how to do right. Thank you for your work, Remy.
Let me go listen to this again. I’m obsessed. I wanna write a thesis on it. I’m so inspired by the savagery.
EDIT: I keep seeing folks be all “I can’t believe you are supporting women tearing each other down” regarding #ShETHER. If I had NO couth, I’d say whoever has a problem with it can suck my nuts. But I won’t say that. 😛
Have you bought my debut book I’M JUDGING YOU: The Do-Better Manual. Haven’t ordered it yet? Now’s your chance. You’ll love it. Amazon. Barnes & Nobles. iBooks. Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself). Kobo. Books-A-Million.