Count Diddy Won at the 2017 Met Gala
The Met Gala is the annual meeting of people who Anna Wintour can still stand. It is an assemblage of the most ferocious people in music, media, movies and more. It is a place that we all act like we wouldn’t like to be invited but we’re lying and we too wanna put on costumes outside of October 31.
Every year, the Met Gala dares everyone to outdo each other. At this event, you can come looking like shrubbery or a mushroom and you will receive applause. Please feast your eyes upon Queen Rihanna.
This is a lot of fashion and I don’t have the range BUT Rihanna has proven that she can emulate the microscopic look of atoms and still run shit. The woman can do no fashion wrong. If she wore this to the Grammys, I would wonder why she insists on looking like something Mario and Luigi should avoid on their quest to saving Princess Daisy. But this is the Met Gala. Your clothes not making sense is totally the theme. As long as you can stand there and look like 1,000 mufuckas can’t tell you nothing. That is one of Ri-Ri’s superpowers and I love her for it.
Women showed up and showed out on the carpet. However, I have to award the night to the man who can’t decide on what name he likes best: Sean Puff Daddy Puffy P. Diddy Diddy Diddles Ciroc King Comb.
He showed up on the carpet in a bedazzled floor length cape, and then proceeded to lay down on the steps for the best pose ever. Look upon the Count of Monte Negro.
YESSSSSSSSS, DIDDY!!! You better lay there like Pier 1 decoration. He is on those steps looking like the dreams of our ancestors, who wanted to show that they cannot be outdone but never got the chance. As he lays there doing the most with the most and I applaud him. Black excellence will not be erased. NOPE.
And he has the nerve to be giving all the look he can muster. iSweaterGAWD Andre Leon Talley was somewhere wiping tears of pride from his eyes. This is a Mr. Miyagi moment for him. Unfuckwitability on a main stage. This is why you can’t take us nowhere. This is also EXACTLY why you wanna take us everywhere. Our inability to be outdone. We bring the soul.
I just love how barren his field of fucks is at this fancy ass event. Like… you could attempt to plant more but they just won’t grow.
Diddy must have some Nigerian in him too because if you look up the word “extra” in the dictionary, you should see our flag next to it. This is basically me when you invite me to nice places. I just don’t know how to act and will behave (or not) accordingly. I was at the TED 2017 Conference last week in Vancouver, and I surely hit the lean on them letters until they told me that the T wasn’t stable so both of us might go toppling. I settled on this instead.
Half the fun is going out in public. The other half is making people uncomfortable with your full noirness. Good times.