TV

Saying Goodbye to my Game of Thrones Mentor: A Fitting Obituary

Listen here. Very few shows are hellbent on killing everyone we all love like Game of Thrones. Winter is here, but even before it came, they were good for letting go of our faves. Needless to say, we’re about to get out hearts broken at rates faster than we’re used to as shit gets even more real.

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE LATEST EPISODE, STOP HERE AND TURN BACK. OK? K.

My favorite character on GOT, besides Tyrion, has been Lady Olenna Tyrell, matriarch to House Tyrell. She’s fiercely protective, super smart but also hella shady person who is basically my patronus. I dubbed her the Sophia Petrillo of Westeros from the first time I saw her and she’s had my heart since. Everything that comes out her mouth is verbal eclipse, and it is amazing.

On Sunday’s episode (702), she met her end. But she died in a way no one else on this show really has: with quiet dignity, on her own terms and also, by using her last breath to get revenge. Basically, our girl went out like a G.

The Lannister army rode into Highgarden and decimated the Tyrell troops so the Queen of Thorns calmly sat in her study and waited. Jaime Lannister met here there, and the two chatted for a bit. He clearly has much respect for her, but throughout, Olenna uppercutted him left and right with her words.

Jaime: There must be lessons in failure.
Olenna: Yes, you must be very wise by now.

BRUH. I hollered!

She then turned her attention to warning Jaime about Cersei, and her Westeros Voldemort ass. Olenna tried to school homeboy on the dangers of following a chick without a code (Omar from The Wire warned us about thugs who ain’t got no honor) and how he’s gonna follow her over a cliff. He stopped her after a bit so they can get on with what needed to be done. Jaime explained to Lady Tyrell that Cersei wanted her to die in some particularly painful ways but he advocated for her to die painlessly by poison.

She poured the poison in her wine and took it to the head in one gulp. She was happy it was gonna be painless, because according to her: “I’d hate to die like your son. Clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes blood red, skin purple. Must have been horrible for you, as a kingsguard, as a father. It was horrible enough for me. A shocking scene. Not at all what I intended.”

She ended it with:

Lady Olenna Last Words

TELL THAT BITCH I KILLED HER SON. bloop.

Savagery at its best! This woman used her last moments and last words to confess to killing Joffrey, who she also called a cunt. She tells the boy’s father, who had just shown her mercy, and then instructs him to pass the message along to Cersei. If there’s one thing she knows will stab that ice queen in the heart, it is knowing that she can no longer touch the person who murdered her child.

The LEVELS here are deeper than rap. And notice how Olenna didn’t snitch on Littlefinger, who was her accomplice in killing Joffrey. It’s because she knows he is still very much scheming his way through this game they’re all playing and she didn’t wanna mess up his Chess match. Lady Tyrell is a general in the “No Snitching” movement. Also, telling on Lord Baelish wouldn’t do anything for her. She did the right thing.

But the layers here, on how she just fucked everything about Jaime up? He looked like he wanted to die himself on that spot.

This is the face of a broken man, who realizes that he is fighting a losing battle for an evil witch who causes devastation.

I enjoyed every second of Olenna Tyrell’s last scene, and it’s only right that she went out so proper. It makes sense for her to die now, because she has nothing else to lose, as she’s already the last surviving Tyrell.

She has nothing TRULY to gain, because fucking up Cersei’s psyche is what she just told Jaime to do. Plus, even if he doesn’t tell her she killed Joffrey, she planted the seed of disloyalty in his head. This scene will come back to be very important, because now he knows Cersei is directly responsible for the death of ALL three of their children. The Queen of Thorns has done everything she was supposed to do so it was her time.

My other fave Olenna quotes from some past seasons:

“I’ve known a great number of clever men. I’ve outlived them all. You know why? I ignored them.”

“I wonder if you’re the worst person I ever met.”

“Our two ancient houses face collapse because of you and your stupidity.”

“You live among murderers, thieves and racists yet you imprison Loras for shagging some perfumed ponce.”

Lady Olenna Tyrell deserves a fune program, even though ain’t nobody alive to attend her services. As I am wont to do, I put one together for the based goon of my heart.

Olenna-Tyrell-Obituary

I’m gonna miss her dearly.

Winter is here. Valar Morghulis.


Have you bought my NYTimes-bestselling debut book I’M JUDGING YOU: The Do-Better Manual? Haven’t ordered it yet? Now’s your chance. You’ll love it. Amazon. Barnes & Nobles. iBooks. Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself). Kobo. Books-A-Million.

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31 Comments

  1. Virginia Rood
    August 2, 2017 at 9:52 am

    I am LIVING for this Luvvie. Thank you for honoring our girl like the true G she was.

  2. NeddyB
    August 2, 2017 at 9:52 am

    This is my most favorite fune program aver! Thanks girlie! I needed this mourn (and laugh) this morning.

  3. Virginia Roof
    August 2, 2017 at 9:52 am

    I am LIVING for this Luvvie. Thank you for honoring our girl like the true G she was.

  4. VeniVidiVici
    August 2, 2017 at 10:02 am

    👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  5. Margaret Oakes
    August 2, 2017 at 10:36 am

    Luvvie, I hope you can find a DVD of the old BBC production of King Lear. Diana Rigg plays Regan, the truly evil daughter of Lear. Clearly practicing for Olenna! I also was yelling at Jaime the other night.

  6. August 2, 2017 at 10:40 am

    You da best Luvvie.
    THE. B E S T!

  7. PM
    August 2, 2017 at 10:42 am

    Love this! Thanks for the incredible recap on GOT best character of the series

  8. Robbie
    August 2, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Does the forties after reading this post!

  9. cocktailsandmakeup
    August 2, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Chyyyyyle, you do these recaps like NO ONE else could do them!!

  10. Cara
    August 2, 2017 at 11:39 am

    Valar Dohaeris!

  11. August 2, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    She was/is my favorite in all the 7 Kingdoms. The way that she would verbally check fools …OMG Imma miss her. But she went out like a true boss..I gotta hand it to ole girl.

  12. Melissa
    August 2, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    By why she had to be 125 years old!!! LOL

  13. Ms. T
    August 2, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    I’m gone miss this lady right here!!!

  14. August 2, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    Luvvie,
    only you could give her the proper eulogy that she respectfully deserves. She is the Ruler of all that is shady, The Giver of Full Shade and the Queen Mother of No Fucks Left. I will speak honor of her name forever!

    P.S. Jamie gonna show up to the funeral just to make sure she is dead and poke her with his good hand.

  15. Niecia
    August 2, 2017 at 1:25 pm

    I watched that scene THREE times!! I kept waiting on Jaime to pull out his sword and chop her head off, but even he was in awe of her shade game.

  16. SIPort
    August 2, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    I have never seen one episode of GOT, but I have heard of Olenna.

    Great post.

  17. August 2, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    I am over here getting my ENTIRE LIFE at work reading this. Yes, Luvvie! Per usual… you nailed it. This was indeed a proper send off.

  18. Lucretia
    August 2, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    Nailed it!

  19. notconvincedgranny
    August 2, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    And the torch is passed to Lyanna Mormont. May the spirit of the Shade Queen sustain her.

    • Jennjah
      August 2, 2017 at 11:38 pm

      Amen.

    • Sam
      August 9, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      When she raised her hand to silence the men trying to give her counsel she didn’t request, I about died. She and Arya are straight bosses and I live for every scene they’re in. Poor Sansa…

  20. Alecia Hutton
    August 2, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    R.I.P. OLE G! We will miss you quick wit and humor.

  21. Tonya
    August 2, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    Whoa, you have me hollering!

  22. Tiff
    August 2, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    Luvvie- or anyone else- why do you feel Cersei is responsible for Marcella and Joffrey’ s death?

    • Mocha Cappuccino
      August 5, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      She set the wheels in motion because she insisted Tyrion was guilty…quoting threat he made to her…which was a direct result of him effing with the white wearing the Lannister necklace (even though that was a hair and switch situation). She hated Tyrion for nothing!
      Also, she could have but did not reign her sociopath son Joffrey in. She could have done more.

    • Cappuccino Jonz
      August 5, 2017 at 6:40 pm

      She set the wheels in motion because she insisted Tyrion was guilty…quoting threat he made to her…which was a direct result of him effing with the white wearing the Lannister necklace (even though that was a hair and switch situation). She hated Tyrion for nothing!
      Also, she could have but did not reign her sociopath son Joffrey in. She could have done more.

    • Sam
      August 9, 2017 at 4:09 pm

      She basically stole the iron throne through lies and deceit passing her kids off as legitimate heirs, and didn’t reign in Joffrey when he acted a complete fool. His fuckery was the reason Tyrion sent Mycella to Dorn. Honestly, she should have reigned him in before he killed Ned Stark, which started the majority of the bs in Westeros she’s now dealing with.

  23. Siima
    August 2, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    This recap is everything! I’m so glad I can read your posts and tweets again coz I was holding off watching til GOT was 3 episodes in. There was no way I was going to just watch one episode and chill! I hollered when you mentioned playing Thug Mansion!

  24. Nina
    August 3, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    She was Shady but when she liked you, she liked you. When Dany gets news of this, she will Avenge our Queen. May the Seven have mercy on her soul. If she doesn’t walk in telling them about theirselves.

  25. Nina
    August 3, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    She was Shady but when she liked you, she liked you. When Dany gets news of this, she will Avenge our Queen. May the Seven have mercy on her soul. If she doesn’t walk in telling them about theirselves.

  26. E Latrice
    August 13, 2017 at 9:20 am

    Pour out a lil libations for our G, loved her!