Lemme start by saying HELL YES I will body and face shame every single member of the Cheeto Satan inner circle without guilt. None of them know how to act (remember Kellyanne Conway putting her feet on the couch). They go low and I go gutter.
Anywho, one of the closest minions is Steve Bannon, white nationalist, terrorist enabler and the reason for nightmares. He also happens to own a face that was meant for radio. On mute.
There’s a photo of Steve Bannon floating around the internet this week that prompted this. The shady folks at the Onion then photoshopped blood and scabs on his mouth. The bad part is that the edited version doesn’t look much different from the original, which is saying something.
Steve Bannon just walking around looking like the ugly God don’t like. It’s like the skin on his face is sick of his shit too and is trying to abandon ship. I GET IT, EPIDERMIS. WE UNDERSTAND.
Photoshopped or not, this is the result of your soul rot leaking out your pores. It’s like his spirit needs a deep cleaning. With bleach. And those really tough aluminum sponges you use for the bottom of the pot to get the grime out. My girl Samantha Irby says he might have greyscale. AND I BOUT DIED.
Racists be out here aging like avocados, man. Ain’t no anti-wrinkle serum to counteract hate and prejudice. Ain’t enough retinol in the world to reverse that shit.
I posted this photo on my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook page and LuvvNation went OFF in the comments. I got my whole life from their lack of chill!
Prince: This is what happened to Bathilda Bagshot when she was possessed of Nagini. We need the Sword of Gryffindor.
Luvvie: LMAO! And we need a basilisk for backup.
Annie: Maybe the Confederate statues being destroyed are Horcruxes?
Gail: Steve Bannon looks like he’s been eating crystal meth sandwiches drizzled with krokodil dressing… battered and deep fried into speedballs.
Cathy: I’d like to see photos of him as a young man so that I can evaluate his aging process.
Kyshia: He started from the bottom and apparently stayed there.
Erika: I can say for 100% scientific certainty that men with thin lips and tiny mouths are bad kissers, bad in the sack, and are all around bad people. /gavel
Cathy: That bulbous nose … the enlarged pores … the grey pallor … all indicative of continuous heavy drinking.
Loren: I’ve thought the exact thing. He looks like an aging alcoholic. That picture should scare anyone into AA.
Osoojee: This is the face of the superior race?!?!
Shannon: Out here like bigoted bananas and aryan avocados.
Ty: This is what happens when demons buy their human skin disguises at Hell’s Wal-Mart. He should have gone to Hell’s Party City, where Pence got his… better quality.
Dee: Epidermis be like “Lemme show you what it’s like when you hate someone’s skin color…”
Erica: Non-photoshopped Bannon still looks like 10 miles of bad road,.
Shani: Home boy is one of those bug men from the first Men In Black movie.
Erica: Ok. Y’all, I feel kind of bad about this. It’s not going to stop me mind, but I do feel just a little guilty.
Erica: Truth: I can think of no other reason that this barely upright Nazi type trash looks and behaves the way he does.
Rebecca: He’s the guy coming out of the bathroom that makes you think “No, I can hold it.”
Autumn: If that’s the master race, can I opt the fuck out?
Syasha: WTF? Is that shingles? Stress can do that. I made my old boss break out once. It was hilarious. I hated that racist piece of shit.
Deedee: I prefer to think it’s some terrible herpes outbreak.
Syasha: Or he’s undead and his flesh is falling off.
Aeisha: That is the terrible blackness of his undead heart eating away at his flesh.
Wendy: He looks like somewhere, there’s a puppet of him being rubbed against rough pavement and being dunked in grain alcohol…
Tracy: He must be about to shed his skin. Or maybe he’s Nagini reincarnate?
Autumn: That lower order mammal is decomposing in real time.
Carrie: My mother would have called that “uglier than homemade sin.”
Sarah: It’s like The Picture of Dorian Gray, except he is the picture.
Nana: Collagen and elasticity of skin are strengthened by truthfulness and light. Lies snatch them away. Although to be fair, he looks exactly like Kelly Anne Conway. Both of them aging like homemade guacamole.
Kendhra: He’s bleeding all on his collar, like his head is gonna fall off. Reminds me of an episode of Tales From The Darkside, when this old man would NOT accept that he was dead. Good glory.
Toni: Ew. What’s on his mouth and collar, blood? Razzleberry Dressing?
Mercy: If only he would be a good boy and put Gorilla Glue on that face.
Ambrey: When you go around without your white hood, melanoma will come for you. Those burning crosses dry an epidermis out and Luvvie took the butters.
Jasmine: What is that on his collar? Is he up here bleeving in public and what not?? (and yes, I meant bleeving) He looks like he doesn’t bathe or wash his hands before leaving the restroom. I bet no one eats his offerings for the White House potlucks.
Sarah: Regardless if it’s photoshopped or not, this is one of the ugliest and most hideous human beings on the planet. Not because of whatever oozing sores and boils or whatever may or may not be covering his pasty body. But because of the vile hate and intolerance that courses through his veins. Screw you, Bannon.
Rochelle: He always looks like he had waay too much ______ (insert vice here), figured out how to get his clothes on but is trying to figure out where he is and what’s going on. That’s particularly distressing because he f***ing knows where he is, what he’s doing and he and Habanero Hitler get grooming and hair advice from the same guy. MAGA by bringing the tiki torch industry back from the brink!
Lydia: He lost all rights to be treated with dignity and respect when he decided to be a racist, evil douche bag. Though calling him a douche bag is actually too good for him because he does not deserve to go anywhere near any woman’s va-jay-jay. At least douche bags accomplish something useful.
Courtney: The only thing that’s missing is the big red herpes looking spot on the corner of his mouth. Otherwise it spot on. My grandmother would say “That’s his deeds showing on his face.”
Laurie: What’s sad and hilarious is that I didn’t doubt for a millisecond that it wasn’t an unaltered pic. He looks like moldy cheese.
Matlyn: The transformation is taking place. Somebody get this guy a black hood.
Adrianne: More like a white one…
Jean: What is on his face? Go take a bath. Shave, exfoliate, moisturize. Go thru the carwash!!!
Dawn: Whoever shopped this is my hero. Of all the things you COULD do, you just give him some herpes. Not devil horns. Not red eyes. Some fucking herpes.
Mary: I wish there was a “Click to peel off the shroud and view the full ugliness” button. It’s just too much to view his ugmo image naked!!
Michelle: He’s the Crypt Keeper and the walking picture of Dorian Gray! Hell’s sins have reached max capacity and overflowed to the outside!!
Janelle: “If ya ugly inside, ya ugly outside!” Word to Whitney Houston.
CJ: Bruh, is that blood on his shirt? We sure ole boy ain’t got Ebola? He looks hemorrhagic….
Kasey: He looks like President Snow after Katniss won the 75th games.
Emme: This pic smells like failure, whiskey, and yeast infection.
Leia: Does he have Hepatitis? Gosh, that just couldn’t have happened to a nicer human being.
Sheena: He looks like the embodiment of herpes. He IS bacterial vaginosis.
Danina: Hate will rot you from the inside. It also keeps you alive, so you morph into Gollum.
Quiana: Seeee – God done smite that man! Looks like he was beat up by demons in his sleep!
Sara: His skin reflects the rotten decay of someone who sold his soul at birth.
Lana: The hate is rotting him from the inside out. I’ve never seen a clearer manifestation of hatred.
Mak: Are we sure he hasn’t contracted the mange? The mofo looks like death warmed over…
Ana: If it’s photoshopped, it looks uncannily like every other pic of his gnarly face I’ve seen. Dude’s got some serious dermal issues going on. Apparently, evil oozing from your pores makes your skin look like the Swamp Thing with age spots.
Christian: But he is of the superior race though *dripping with slow rich and thick sarcasm like Mrs. Butterworth syrup outside in the frozen tundra*
Donna: He looks like a human petri dish…like a walking biohazard and has the audacity to think he has a superior gene pool…
Farah: The irony: the white skin he holds in such high regard is rejecting him.
Marlyn: My aunt would say this and now i understand…he look like “death eating a soda cracker.”
Kelly: This is the beginning of that scene in Indiana Jones when the Nazis faces start melting off.
Roman: Hatred will age you like that. *shrugs* (PS: Bannon’s the next contestant to leave the Big Brother house.)
Lu-Krissa: If cancer had a face this is what it’ll look like. He’s nothing but a malignant cancerous tumor.
Kim: Would it kill him to wash his hair tho?
Sue: He can’t. Water jumps away from him.
Erica: Carrying all of that hate in your heart is hard on your body. I haven’t met a racist yet that doesn’t look like an after photo on facesofmeth.us.
Angel: Steve Bannon’s face is a result of 45 years of heavy drinking. I’m surprised that it’s not tinged yellow.
Amanda: My husband just said he looks like a human cold sore and I about died.
Deidre: It’s like those video games where the more evil you do the uglier you get.
Sophie: He wouldn’t look out of place on the set of The Walking Dead.
Tina: When you’ve sold your soul to Satan and now it’s time to pay up but you’re using spackle and shellac to keep it together for public appearances.
Monique: That right there is a smite from God. It should be in the dictionary as the definition of such.
Colette: He looks like he’s rotting. Like bad fruit. But I don’t want to insult innocent fruit like that. Yuck.
Tiffany: He looks like sewer rats have been chewing him up at night.
Adrienne: Beauty is only skin deep but UGLY is to da bone!
Krystin: That shit on his lip got some shit on its lip -Old Negro spiritual
Lisa: Look like he died and somebody forgot to tell him.
Christy: Aging at the speed of evil!
Lindsey: This muhfugga looks two thumbs of rum away from liver failure.
Aeisha: We are watching a potato rot in front of our eyes.
Christian: If he was a GOT character, he’d be in the army of the dead.
Ashley: Ain’t enough balm in Gilead to fix this
Karen: A vile, disgusting individual, both inside and out. May others do unto him as he has done by them. Nothing Christian or redeeming about this individual, who is a huge booger on the Kleenex of Life.
Tyler: Maybe he’s born with it. Maybe it’s racism.
LaKesha: If he doesn’t look like the 1st verse, 2nd verse and chorus of “Take Me To The King” Truth is I’m tired….
Elisa: This is what Garbage Pail Kids look like all grown up.
Danielle: He’s so trash he’s already decomposing
Heather: You can’t polish a turd and call it furniture. Smh.
Sandra: As my granny would say”he look like he been rode hard and put up wet”!
Whew. Steve gotta walk around with a paper bag on his head more often.