FashionWhose is this?

Whose Uglass Skants (Skirt Pants) Are These?

There’s so much WTF going on in the fashion industry these days, it’s hard to keep up. A few months ago, LuvvNation roasted this Oregon Trail frock that was as expensive as it was ugly. But that dress doesn’t seem so bad in comparison to…whatever this is.

I don’t understand these pants. AND they have the nerve to look like wool. These bastards are itchy too?? These are the pants they make prisoners of war wear. To hurt their dignity AND their skin.

And the worst part is that these are for sale so clearly there is a market for these UGLASS skants (skirt + pants). Fix it, Jesus.

I shared this on my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook page and, as usual, the comments had me hollerin.


Lacy: These are good if you are afraid you’re going to give birth before making it to the hospital.

Amy: I needed those when I was in junior high and wore those maxi maxi maxi pads.

Michelle: They look like regrets and poor judgement.

Jenna: They’re the hairshirt of pants.

Rachel: Serena Joy done look at these trousers and go “no, I think they’re too severe a punishment.”

Heidi: But….why the saggy crotch AND “ready for the flood” length??? I just……NO!

Nicole: Why are the pockets on the outside? Everything about this picture is irking my soul. I renounce Satan and his sartorial works.

Danielle: They look like they won’t move until The Lord blesses them. You’re gonna wrestle these like Jacob wrestled with God.

DeShawn: You need the whole bottle of Downy and 3 Bounce sheets to take the itch out.

Candace: Perfect for thigh sweat and chafing.

Kitza: Wool is the devil’s fabric. No matter how many “foundation garments” rest between my skin and wool, I still feel like I’m wrapped in a Brillo pad. This is serial killer couture.

Nicole: Looks like something Denise Huxtable would make. Gordon Gartrail pants!

Veronica: The crotch doesn’t start til the ankles. That means your thighs are gonna get friction burns from rubbing together all day. Aloe gel and calamine lotion sales are about to skyrocket!

Carla: Looks like the business line of Hammer pants. Like when you gotta stop the Hammer Time and get to work, but you still wanna let everyone know you’re 2 Legit 2 Quit.

Ambrey: When you have a meeting a 4:30, but it’s Hammer Time at 5.

Ansonia: Amish Hammertime?

Dani: Those look like hate speech as a pant! Those are def the hate cut!

Rachel: These are the pants to go with Richard Spencer’s neo-Nazi hair.

Dani: I just want to hug her and say remove those pants, go forth and love yourself, Gurl!

Richiey: Thank goodness that most of us are confused by this foolery. Because I can’t comfortably live in a world where folk see that and say with all seriousness, “Yup, I totally get it.”

Elizabeth: Let Rihanna wear them though…

Ore: I just saw some man wearing these in the subway last week and it was weird AF!

Nicole: Did you just stare at him with a “sir, why?” look on your face?

Luvvie: Because that’s exactly what I would done.

Ore: I am well trained here in NYC to keep a straight face but this time I actually did a 180 degree head whip around for a double take.

Nicole: My brow would be permanently furrowed. Permanent. Furrow.

Carrie: This crap is available for purchase???

Carli: There’s a lot going on with those pants.

Crys: Sweet heavenly Jesus.

Luvvie: Jesus would rebuke these.

Vicki: Let’s be honest. Jesus wept.

Cynica: There is something about them that I like but I’d never leave the house in them. They are like frontier couture.

Rachel: Listen, we live in Donald Trump’s America. These pants are designed as defensive weaponry against being grabbed by the pussy.

Jacqueline: Cos who knows where it is with a crotch that long?

Rachel: XACTLY. If he can’t find it, he can’t grab it.

Sue: Okay, those who are within the proximity of the Apricot Antichrist are allowed to wear them. As armor.

Bridget: Melania got a few pairs of these I bet. Not only is she slapping tiny hands away but she got a wool chastity belt to go with it. #KeepOut

Tracie: Maybe they can’t grab us by the pussy in these, but you sure as hell can’t run away from them in these drawers!

Courtney: When you really want to get nowhere fast. Cause your stride is 7 inches.

Sarah: For those days you really want to do a 3-legged race but you don’t have a partner…

Amy: Trump is our president and the whole world has lost its damn mind.

Gabrielle: But I would wear these pants for the rest of my life if they made Trump go away.

Nicole: Remember that animated/live action sequence in Mary Poppins, when Dick Van Dyke is dancing with penguins and he lowers the crotch of his pants to dance like the penguins? Yeah, that.

Amber: If you’re trying to dance like Dick van Dyke with the penguins in Mary Poppins I’d say these are perfect.

Karin: I’ve been caught in panty hose like this, two sizes too small and crotch only making it up to my knees.

Rebecca: Just don’t wear them if you’re hiding out in an old farmhouse from a killer clown. Or competing in hurdles. Or in life.

Tarah: I’m not here for the skants.

Shari: High Priestesses of Fashion Fuck Ups, please save the vajeens of all of the misguided women who wear these monstrosities. Lo the the yeast infections these wool poon ovens will instigate!

Paris: These are horror movie pants. I DARE you to run away without falling down. Nobody is making it out of that abandoned campsite alive wearing these things. It’s a set up.

Angie: Because it’s a shirt someone put on when they were drunk. I’m surprised they don’t have on the bedazzled crocs, too.

Patrice: Ladies and gentlemen … for your viewing pleasure, “skants.” A skirt that changed its mind halfway down. Pants that are afraid of vaginas. Useful for neither walking nor horseback riding, these were designed for those who are wealthy enough to be absolutely useless.

Abena: Hmmm an upside down jacket. How quaint. Her snootch will never feel an unwanted Fall breeze thanks to her neckless, upside down confusing get-up.

Shante: When I was 10 my cousin and I used to wear our shirts upside down like pants…that’s what this is only they are adults.

Rebecca: This is what would happen if that horrifying Oregon Trail dress you posted about a few months back was exposed to radiation and started mutating.

Leslie: Those pants don’t understand themselves. They’re five seconds from shouting “You don’t know me! You’re not even my real mom!” And then running up to their room to slam the door.

Jennifer: I just got the mental image of someone wearing these and trying to run up stairs. Can’t stop laughing now… hubby thinks I’ve finally lost it.

Susan: It’s from the Ivanka Trump fashion line…. when you are so full of shit and you need extra room in your pants.

Yulanda: Those are pants for penguins who have been confronted by God in the Garden of Eden after they ate of the forbidden talipia and discovered their nakedness. 1st Happy Feet 2:7. GYL version (Get Yo Life) Holli-lu-yer

 

Patricia: Holy crap……anytime i see pants like this, or the dudes with the sagging pants, all I can think is that it is DAMN clear they were not alive when pantyhose first came out. PH were not so well sized as they are now, and it was uncomfortably “normal” to have them start sliding down within a half hour of putting them on – of course, WAAAY after you’d left the house. Anyway – the feeling of having the crotch of your pantyhose down around your knees as you were walking down the street? NOT something you would choose as a fashion statement!

Danielle: These look like torture. I imagine this would be something one would be forced to wear while pledging. Or as punishment for a crime of some sort.

Cynthia: A Christmas Carol remix, where instead of ghosts, Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by Oompa Loompas, and they sing him judgmental songs about his misdeeds.

Robyn: Let’s be honest about it, the whole outfit is a hot mess. The only thing in this whole photo that doesn’t scream “You need to re-examine your life choices.” is the vase. And would it have killed them to put it on a table or something?

D: This looks like a freshman’s first attempt at sewing in home ec(onomics) class. (Yes, I’m showing my age!). What are these? Shants? (shirt pants?) A waste of good material and effort. Shame on the tailor and his/her offspring!

Robyn: It’s either shants or pirts and either way, about the worst life decision you could ever make.

Andrea: So… there are pockets in the outside and buttons to nowhere and your crotch ALMOST meets the floor? This is some WPS but FOR REAL THOUGH.

Aliesha: And WHY the pockets on the outside. I mean, sweet Baby Jeebuz, I love me some pockets (where else a girl gonna keep snacks?) but please allow me a little tailoring especially at the damn hips.

Catherine: I think they were inspired by SNL

 

Jen: For when you want to give birth, but don’t want to interrupt your workday these act as a baby safety net and storage solution. #leanIn

Marla: The unfortunate necklace also has a stethoscope vibe. So, if my doctor walked into the exam room in those pants, I’d grab my bra and run out of that office so fast and also maybe report her to the AMA for obvious bad judgment.

Sara: It is as if some gal failing Trousers 101 in fashion school ran out of toilet paper, ran to the stall next door as quick as she could and suddenly stopped, inspired, and was like: That’s it! Yes!

Collin: Because doesn’t everyone want to look like they have stubby legs and an enormous full diaper between their stubby legs?

Frances: Well, did they start making a skirt and changed their mind and finished them as pants? And why am I thinking that running would be a problem in those if ya had to run?

Tymia: There’s too much for me to hate so it just made me sad. Why would you WILLINGLY do this to yourself? Jesus sobbed when he saw these.

Lucky: Why do you have to share and ruin everyone’s day tho’? It looks like it was meant to be worn on the torso, but even that doesn’t work.

Melinda: This is what it looks like when you try to flip your jacket upside down and wear it as pants. It’s also what LMFAO meant when they said, “everyday I’m shufflin’.” ‘Cause you ain’t walkin’ right in these here pants of the enemy.

Karen: I heard someone say that they were a drop crotch apologist. This is so beyond that. It’s all the annoyance of a skirt but you don’t even get to show off your legs. Hell no.

Reenie: I remember wishing for this outfit about 60 years ago when my little legs were freezing in the winter walking to school.

Cindy: All the chafing issues of a skirt, plus the restricted stride of hobbles at the knee and highwater pant hems too. Who designed this, and have we locked them away yet?

Alicia: Why would someone do this to themselves? Like, pay money and then be uncomfortable? On purpose? What is life for you if you need this?

Are: These are those shoplifting pants. Ain’t no one gonna know you stashed ten thousand dollars worth the merch in them. Not that I know anything about that.

Erica: They look like you tried to wear a suit while wickedly drunk and accidentally tangled yourself up trying to put the jacket on as pants.

Kristen: It’s for when you need an excuse not to walk fast. Because you’d fall if you tried to in these. I’mma buy some.

Hadewych: They look like they used to be a skirt, then winter came and her vajayjay started shivering, so she sewed them up to stop the draft.

Wanda: You want chub rub? That’s how you get chub rub!

Charissa: They should go buy a second pair and then go throw them both away.

Janique: It’s designed for women that want to wear skirts but they sit with their legs open.

Ebony: If they don’t take those limited edition Civil War Fiddler on the Roof pants and get gon.

Amanda: For when you need to look professional but also want the option to surreptitiously crap your pants.

Nicole: Well, because those aren’t pants. They’re an abomination against all that is good and just.

Tanya: What in the Frodo and Lord of the Rings is this look???

Naja: Is it a skirt that decided to be pants at the last minute?

Deniece: Waiting to see what Cam Newton is going to wear with these.

Kitza: These were clearly designed by a serial killer. How are women supposed to run in this nonsense?

Jenny: These are a definite hard swipe left.

I am just sick of people and things.

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7 Comments

  1. Brenda
    October 24, 2017 at 12:18 pm — Reply

    I want to call them shants like D because all I can think is, “I shan’t be wearing those shants.”

  2. Choc
    October 24, 2017 at 2:44 pm — Reply

    What in the over-sized, homeless, Mary Kate & Ashley is going on here?! And thick ankle socks, chunky buster browns, and necklace with a big ass pendant. I’m thoroughly confused about the meaning of life now.

  3. Rochelle
    October 24, 2017 at 9:46 pm — Reply

    Worst avant-garde look from Project Runway. The model saw these and said “#=/% You, I’m not wearing this s=÷.”

  4. Trudy
    October 25, 2017 at 4:29 am — Reply

    Did Kanye West make these?

  5. Stacy
    October 25, 2017 at 11:37 am — Reply

    I feel like there’s a hipster walking around Brooklyn wearing these right now.

  6. Paula
    October 28, 2017 at 1:36 pm — Reply

    These pants will propel the wearer into an early aging process, eliminating useful muscles. There is a need for a fall-prevention program here. Everyone you don’t like should wear these!

  7. Chris Oakley
    October 31, 2017 at 9:36 pm — Reply

    Whoever created this sartorial Frankenstein’s monster should be put against a wall and shot.

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